Things I Have Learned by Being a Bank Teller

[lachesis]

This email made the rounds at work. Feel free to add.


I know everyone in the world, so I never need to ask for ID.

'I'll be with you in one moment,' means 'Come right up here into my business and breathe your popcorn breath in my face for a while.'

Every bank in the world steals money from its customers, particularly the ones that don't keep a register.

I'm always kidding when I tell people a check is not any good. I'm a good kidder.

I know the balance of every account at the bank.

I am at the bank just because I feel like it; my window isn't actually open when I say, 'May I help you?'

I know everyone's account number.

I know everyone's address.

I don't understand how banking works.

I have to do whatever the person who gave my customer the check said.

I don't know how to count.

I don't know how to add.

I don't know what the date is.

I can read everyone's mind.

If I ask for your social, I’m trying to steal your identity.

I know when every new coin will be arriving.

I know how much everyone’s bills are for the month.

We are just here for fun on most holidays, we’re not really open. We love when you rub it in. (Also, beautiful sunny beach days. That's my favorite.)

When someone asks how you want your cash back, you are supposed to tell them after you get your money back.

Apparently people have different definitions of commercial.

Your time is more important than mine. I have no life. When you show up 5 minutes before we close to make 10 deposits or open a new account, we don’t mind.

Everyone with the Bank name tag is related.

I am also your secretary.

We love to place holds on your checks for fun, we are the only bank that does it.

13 hours and 10 minutes is not enough time for people to do their business.

I am in charge of the never ending popcorn, smarties, and coffee.

It is polite to ignore someone when they say hello.

It is my fault when someone cuts you in line. I should have been paying attention to you and not your money.

I know what a checkingdepositwithdrawal for savings is.

Being rude should make me want to help you more.

I am not really human, I should not make mistakes.

It is okay to go into someone’s office when their door is shut.

I have a secret collection of licenses in my cubby.

I can’t hear. I need you to ding the bell 5 times in a row.

The sign that says Next Window Please is just for decoration.

I make people wait on purpose, it’s fun to make them mad.

I know everyone’s pin number to their ATM card.

Fraud isn’t real; I should give customers exactly what they want.

The coin machine is my favorite thing to do.

The bank gives out free poinsettias at Christmas; we order them for you, not the bank. Display only means whatever you want it to mean.

Please and Thank You are forbidden words at the bank. We hate to hear them.

Checking and Savings deposit slips are EXACTLY the same, we just like the color green and wanted to make them more colorful. Marking through the word savings changes the deposit slip completely!

When I tell someone the same thing over and over, I’m just doing it for fun. I like to waste my breath.

We will break the rules for anybody as long as you gripe for more than 10 minutes.

I am a professional coin counter. Even when the machine is broken, I will count the coin for you by hand!

I am psychic; when you call I can recognize your voice and pull up your information. My computer is voice activated. It’s that fancy technology we have.

You don’t have to tell me that you’ve been with the bank for 50 years… I can tell.

Even after 5 years, I am a new teller to anyone who has never seen me before. If I’ve never met you, I have no idea what I’m doing.

I make the rules for the banking industry. You can blame everything on me!

I'm an idiot.

Sure, it's ok to just plop down at my desk. I wasn't working on anyone else's stuff and I'm fine with dropping everything I have to do to help you balance your checkbook.

Yes, we are people too, we have to eat.

When I see you outside of work, I don't mind spending time helping you with your finances while waiting in line at CVS. The minute I see you, I'm automatically on the clock again and don't have my own shopping to do.

[Bright_Star]

& don't forget..."You're a robot, they put you in cold storage out in back for the night. They re-activate you every morning"....LOL!

[Amina516]

Wow! Hell of a list! *golf clap*

[malmalthekiller]

Hahha, yes yes yes, all of this!

I was until very recently a bank teller for the past year and a half. I completely understand this entire list.

[Kristev]

I could never work in a bank. I'd never put up with that 'list' for a minute.

[bainsidhe]

Interesting, it never occurred to me to try marking through the word "savings" on the deposit slip...

And I'll admit that as a customer, I love hearing/watching the change machine.

[Draper Mel]

How about "You can't be overdrawn if you still have checks left." Or "We're willing to break the law to provide what you consider good customer service."

I've never been a teller, but those seem like they would happen.

[lachesis]

Hahaha glad you guys enjoyed it. There's so much the average person doesn't know about what a teller does. There's a ton of federal rules as well as bank policies to uphold, not to mention the main one of accurately processing your transactions and maintaining a balanced drawer. A simple "please" and "thank you" goes a very long way lol.

Oh, and I thought of another:

Sure, I'll cash that large check for you no problem. As you know, we have an unlimited back room filled with rows and rows of cash. Just like in the movies!

[auntiem]

How 'bout "of course I have $10,000 in Eastern Slobovanian currency available for exchange in my drawer right here"

[Zoom]

Better a bank Teller than a bank Penn... they can't write and are chained to the counter.

[RealUnimportant]

Ah, but if you were a bank Penn you could be brash & loudmouthed, rather than having to remain silent as a Teller!

[PepperElf]

I know the balance of every account at the bank.

and at competitor's banks too, right?

I know everyone’s pin number to their ATM card.

Does this apply to the banks that issue the PINs? I've had some banks where I had to tell the teller what I wanted for a PIN and some where they just issue me one. Oddly enough one of the banks I hated the most had the the PIN system I liked the most... I could change it at the counter, but didn't have to say what it was out loud... just swipe the card in the little reader, enter the old pin, and then enter my new one in. If only their accounts were less hackable

[Dips]

I was a bank teller in 1981.

That list sure hasn't changed much.

Here's a couple more:

No. I don't need to count the cash you're depositing if you're in a hurry.

I really have nothing better to do than stand around waiting while you rummage through a million papers in your safe deposit box and ignore all polite attempts to get you to leave the vault and use a booth while my line builds up.

If the teller line is super long and you don't want to wait in it, just waltz into the vault so one of the tellers will have to chase you down. Then, when you have her attention, go ahead and start your transaction.

The speaker at the drive up isn't sensitive enough, so be sure to beep your horn repeatedly at it.

The transaction limit at the drive up doesn't apply to you if you don't wear proper clothes and thus can't enter the lobby.

If you scream loudly enough at me, then I can disclose your bank balance over the phone.

If you sign your husband's name to his paycheck right in front of me then try to cash it, it's perfectly OK.

I apologize for removing the...things...you have pressed between the pages of your passbook. If the machine had eaten them, it wouldn't have been good.

Eh, maybe more than a couple.

[Ghel]

I've moved over to the other side of the bank, but I remember what it's like:


Yes, I can explain other banks' policies to you, no problem.

I can find the offage in your checkbook register simply by glancing at it.

It's always the bank's fault if your account is overdrawn.

I don't really need two forms of ID to open a savings account.

I don't really need a deposit to open a checking account.

I know how much you wrote a check for and who you wrote it to before it clears your account.

I should know every birth, wedding, and death in this town. If I don't, I'm a hermit.

A fishing, hunting, or firearms license is a perfectly acceptable form of ID.

Fee schedules for checking accounts don't ever change, even after 30 years, even after the bank changes owners.

[Merriweather]

Does this apply to the banks that issue the PINs? I've had some banks where I had to tell the teller what I wanted for a PIN and some where they just issue me one. Oddly enough one of the banks I hated the most had the the PIN system I liked the most... I could change it at the counter, but didn't have to say what it was out loud... just swipe the card in the little reader, enter the old pin, and then enter my new one in. If only their accounts were less hackable

Best system I've ever seen (at least from my point of view) was years ago at a bank I can't even recall You got to choose your own PIN. Except rather than choose 4 digits, you chose a 4 letter word (I would assume the really good ones were already taken ) The ATM machines had letters for each number, just like phones - do they still? I use them all the time, but never actually looked at one in years This was quite a few years ago. But anyway, much easier to remember than numbers.