The chicken farmer

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

A life-long city slicker got tired of the rat race one day, so he decided to move out to the country and become a chicken farmer. He found a nice, used chicken farm and bought it. It turned out his next-door neighbor was also a chicken farmer. The nieghbor came over for a visit one day and said "Chicken farming ain't easy. I teel you what; I'll give you 100 chickens to help get you started."

The new chicken farmer was thrilled. Two weeks later the new neighbor paid another bisit to see how the chickens were doing.

"Not too good," the new farmer said. "All the chickens died."

"I can't believe that!" said the neighbor. "I have never had problems with any of my chickens. I'll give you 100 more."

Another two weeks went by, and the neighbor paid another visit. The new farmer told him, "You're not going to believe this, but all those chickens died too!"

Astounded, the neighbor asked, "What went wrong? Have you been doing something to them?"

The new farmer said, "Well, I'm not sure whether I'm planting them too deep, or too close to each other."

[MadMike]

Nice!

That reminds me of another one I heard when I was about 12 or so, and for the longest time, couldn't say the punchline without completely losing it. Laughing at your own joke just kind of kills it.

Anyway...

A farmer was looking for advice on how to be a better farmer, so he decided to visit other farmers for advice.

He stops at the first farmhouse, and asks the farmer for advice.

"Not sure what to tell you," he says, "But I'll tell you what I'll do: I'll give you my best rooster. Only you don't call it a rooster, you call it a cock."

The farmer thanks the other farmer, takes the rooster, and leaves.

He stops at another farmhouse, and has a talk with that farmer.

"Tell you what. I'll let you have my best laying hen. Only you don't call it a hen, you call it a pullet."

At the next farmhouse, the farmer tells him, "I'll let you have my best plowing donkey. Only you don't call it a donkey, you call it an ass."

The farmer starts to leave, and the other farmer tells him, "Oh, one more thing: He's very stubborn. Every so often he'll just stop what he's doing, sit down, and refuse to move. The only way to get him going again is to scratch his back. He won't budge until you do that."

The farmer feels he has everything he needs, so he starts walking home with the animals. About halfway there, the donkey suddenly stops and sits down. He knows he has to scratch its back, but his hands are full from holding the rooster and the hen.

While he's trying to figure out what to do, he sees a woman walking toward him, and decides to ask her for help.

"Excuse me, Miss", he says, "Would you hold my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?"