Reading! It's FUNdamental!

[Havering]

Not to SCs, apparently. Before I die, I have three questions I want answered.

1. We send out a reminder card. All the person has to do is to flip the card over, check the appropriate box, sign it, and pop it back in the postage pre-paid envelope. Easy? Not so much.
"I got this thing from you??!? What do I doooooooooo?"
"Flip it over...."
"Wait, there's something on the back?"
*please, sweet Death, take me now*
"Yes, there is. Flip it over and....."
"I did! Oh! Words! But what do I dooooo?"
*all right, Buddha, what did I do in a previous life to deserve this*
"Check the appropriate box, sign it, and..."
" Wait! I gotta sign something? "
*ponders pleasurably on the SC's death warrant a moment*
"Yes. Sign on the line where it says 'signature'."
*rest of the conversation is more of the same*

2. Think of two words that aren't the same. Could be floor/chair or yacht/llama. It doesn't matter because SCs will use them interchangeably. Why? My guess is that they're distracted by the music of the spheres. Or dumber than a box of clams. Either/or, really.

3. There is a form on our website. It makes boilerplate mention of an approaching deadline, and then there's a "continue" button. A segment of the population is caught in the blinding glare of that page like a deer in headlights or a wombat under the gaze of a cobra and can't. hit. continue. Until they call. Like a magical princess (I'm more like a quokka, honestly) I free them from the terrible spell. And then I mock them to my coworkers.

Why do they mock me thus? *sobs*

[WishfulSpirit]

Gravekeeper's customers are escaping.

[XRogue]

Sounds like a lot of my SC's.

SC: "You guys sent me an email! What's it about?"

me: "What does the email say, sir/ma'am?"

Derp....

[ladyjaneinmd]

Sounds like a lot of my SC's.

SC: "You guys sent me an email! What's it about?"

me: "What does the email say, sir/ma'am?"

Derp....

Oh good grief, we got a lot of them at the garage!

SC: I have a message on my phone from here. What is it about?

me: The boss must have called you before I got here. Why don't you go listen to the message, then get back to me?

Yes folks, the boss left the message before I got there, so how am I supposed to know what it was about? That's why they're called MESSAGES.

[Nunavut Pants]

Reading is FUNdamental....ly-impossible for SCs! Except, of course, for the word "FREE"...

[MoonCat]

Reading is FUNdamental....ly-impossible for SCs! Except, of course, for the word "FREE"...

This is true

[Slave to the Phone]

I sure do feel your pain. At least once a week, I get a conversation that goes like this:

Angry Client: I've been waiting over 3 hours to talk to someone and I just get a phone call! I want to talk to someone face to face!!!

Me: I'll be out shortly and we can do this at an interview kiosk.

AG: Why don't you just take me in the back, it will be faster and I've already been here for over 4 hours! (actual time is 2 h 34 minutes, but its not like we have timers or anything )

Me: I'll be out in just a minute, please hang up the phone and wait until I am there.

After I have logged into a computer into an interview kiosk and moved the customer (always male, but can be any age) to an interview kiosk where he can't reach me.

Me: OK, what's the problem.

AC: tries shoving papers at me while saying that we sent him a letter and he doesn't know what it means.

Me: not reaching over to take papers. Why don't you tell me what it says? Start with the first page. Ignore the part with your address and go to the next line down. (by this time, I am looking at the letter on my monitor.)

AC: It says that Nutritional Assistance Benefits have been approved for AC.

Me: Nutritional Assistance Benefits are what SNAP or food stamps are called. What else did you not understand?

AC: I KNOW what food stamps are!!!

Me: OK, read me the next line, please.

AC: It says that I will be getting $XX.XX per month.

Me: Ok, that means that you are going to be getting $XX.XX per month.

AC: I KNOW what that means!!!

Me: (having 34 minutes to waste with this idiot) OK, what does the next line say?

AC: Your benefits are approved until XX/XX/XX.

Me: So, going by what you have read, your food stamps have been approved at $XX.XX per month until XX/XX/XX. Do you have any further questions? (all said with a fake concerned look and sickly sweet voice.)

AC: ARE YOU FU**ING TELLING ME THAT I SAT HERE FOR OVER 5 FC**ING HOURS JUST FOR YOU TO MAKE ME READ THE LETTER YOU ASSH*** SENT ME!!!

Me: I am sorry for the wait, if you can't understand what you read, on the 5th line is a number for you to call to have someone else read and explain the letter to you.

AC: I CAN FU**ING READ AND UNDERSTAND, I JUST DON'T FU**ING UNDERSTAND WHY YOU PEOPLE MAKE THIS SO COMPLICATED!!!

This is about the moment security shows up and kindly shows the idiot to the door.

[gerund]

This is the one that drives me crazy! These are supposed to be computer savvy people who use a computer most of their working life.

Me: Look at the top of the window and you will see menu choices. Click on the "Edit"

Them: It's not there!

Me: Can you see the menu choices at the top?

Them: Yes.

Me: Click on Edit.

Them: It's not there!

Me: Read the choices for me.

Them: File, Edit

Me (interrupting): THAT ONE!

Them: OK

[RealUnimportant]

AC: ARE YOU FU**ING TELLING ME THAT I SAT HERE FOR OVER 5 FC**ING HOURS JUST FOR YOU TO MAKE ME READ THE LETTER YOU ASSH*** SENT ME!!!

Ever notice that these are most often the people who "don't have time to waste" on reading the letters?

[Kit-Ginevra]

AG: Why don't you just take me in the back, it will be faster and I've already been here for over 4 hours!

Because that 4 hours includes the movie and the dinner...and I'm not that sort of girl on the first date...

[telecom_goddess]

That's like my job, where I literally hear the question "why do I have to pay interest on a balance on my credit card?" REALLY?

[earl colby pottinger]

Mouse and read

This is the one that drives me crazy! These are supposed to be computer savvy people who use a computer most of their working life.

Me: Look at the top of the window and you will see menu choices. Click on the "Edit"

Them: It's not there!

With me I insist the user move their mouse to wherever they are read - NO MOUSE, NO HELP.

Next, once they start moving the mouse and reading the text I notice they NEVER go item by item in series. Instead they seem to jump around at random hoping to find the right item quickly that way.

Worse, I notice they get into a pattern looking at the same things over and over again while never going to certain parts of the screen. Usually the very part they need to go to is what they are skipping.

And on top of that, if I tell them to go to the top-left of the screen and just go over the choices one by one they complain that is too boring and worse that it will take too much time after earlier they had complained they had spent half-a-hour looking and have not found the option they are looking for.

Then when they finally do what I say, they find the option needed in less than a minute or two, yet they never admit they were wrong in how they searched.

[Catwoman2965]

Not to SCs, apparently. Before I die, I have three questions I want answered.

1. We send out a reminder card. All the person has to do is to flip the card over, check the appropriate box, sign it, and pop it back in the postage pre-paid envelope. Easy? Not so much.
"I got this thing from you??!? What do I doooooooooo?"
"Flip it over...."
"Wait, there's something on the back?"
*please, sweet Death, take me now*
"Yes, there is. Flip it over and....."
"I did! Oh! Words! But what do I dooooo?"
*all right, Buddha, what did I do in a previous life to deserve this*
"Check the appropriate box, sign it, and..."
" Wait! I gotta sign something? "
*ponders pleasurably on the SC's death warrant a moment*
"Yes. Sign on the line where it says 'signature'."
*rest of the conversation is more of the same*

I have a friend who I swear lives under a rock, inside a vacuum. She was complaining endlessly one day about something from the gas or electric company, in SPANISH. Ranting and raving about how she doesn't speak Spanish, and so on, and so forth. Actually went to far as to call said utility, who then told her, "turn it over" Yup. It was English on the other side.