Because St. Pat's Day is coming....

[MoonCat]

....I remembered this old joke, so here it is, courtesy of the late Dave Allen (not verbatim, though, as it's been years since I saw the show):

A man traveled to Ireland on vacation. On his way out of the airport, an Irishman came up to him.

"Welcome to Ireland, sir! Can I interest you in a souvenir of our beautiful land? A true historical curiosity it is!" And he held up....a human skull. " 'Tis the very skull of the hero Brian Boru!"

The tourist shook his head. "Well, that's very interesting, but no, thank you." And he went on his way.

A couple of weeks later he was heading back to the airport to go home when he encountered the same fellow.

"Before you leave our lovely land, sir, can I interest you in a souvenir? A true historical curiosity!" And he held up a human skull....a very small one. "The very skull of Brian Boru!"

"Now wait a minute!" the tourist said. "I was here two weeks ago and you tried to sell me the skull of Brian Boru, and it was much larger! What's going on here?"

"Ah, well," said the fellow, holding up the skull, "this is when he was a lad!"

[wolfie]

Last year, Murphy proposed to Bridget on March 17th. She accepted, and he presented her with a ring. Being a cautious woman, she wanted to get insurance in case it was either lost or stolen.

The insurance company (naturally) had the ring appraised before writing a policy, and they found that the "diamond" was actually cubic zirconia. Bridget was furious when she found out that her ring didn't have a real diamond, and confronted Murphy.

Murphy had "The gift of the gab" due to having kissed the Blarney Stone when he was younger, and had a ready answer. "You're an Irish girl. I thought you'd appreciate getting a sham rock for St. Patrick's Day."

[dalesys]

Quoth wolfie

... "You're an Irish girl. I thought you'd appreciate getting a sham rock for St. Patrick's Day."

She returned the ring in a tube of green Preparation H...

"You're unfit for this emerod oil, as you're a perfect..."