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  • Front Desk BSODs (language)

    Shutdown's over! That means CUSTOMERS! DUMB ones. Customers so dumb that they hurt my brain-bits. *sobs in a corner*

    Not only do I need the catharsis of writing this nonsense down, but also I'm putting off writing something more important, so this is a welcome distraction.

    BSOD the First
    Customer: *frowning in genuine bafflement* Hey, I can't get my dollars to go in the newspaper machine. It says they take dollars on there.
    Me: *stares at his dollar bills, thinks "you are fucking with me"* Oh, here, let me get you some quarters. *makes change*
    Customer: (while I am making change) They just wouldn't go in there...you know, you guys should get some bill readers and they should take credit cards too.
    Me: *thinking* Yeah, because national parks are the wave of the future...and it's really easy and cheap to retrofit a 100% MECHANICAL DEVICE with electronic ones... *I hand him his change*
    (not two minutes later, he returns)
    Customer: I can't figure out how to put them in there.
    Me: (at this point I just can't any longer) Okay, I'll show you. (I come out from behind the desk, at which point he magically figures out how to put a coin in a slot) (and btw, the part where it said it took dollars? It was specifically labeled "Dimes/Nickels/Quarters/Dollar Coins") *in my head* THE STUPID IT HURTS.

    BSOD the Second

    Customer: Where is [landmark everybody wants directions to, but nobody ever researches where in the fuck it actually is, and everyone is constantly surprised, amazed, and/or disgusted to find out how much it costs for admission, and by how far away it is, not that I'm bitter]?
    Me: 250 miles that way by road. (points direction)
    Customer: Oh, really?
    Me: Yeah.
    Customer: *bitchily* Well, what is there to see HERE?
    Me: (BSOD...reboot...error brain not found...sarcastic streak found...initiating rude reply) *sarcastic tone* WELLLLL, THERE'S THE [THING NATIONAL PARK IS NAMED AFTER], 20 FEET THAT WAY??? (points)
    Customer: *Walks off in a huff*

    We do not *like* bottled water, Sam I am.

    BG: No bottled water is sold in the national park where I work.

    Customer: Hey, where can I get a bottled water?
    Me: Oh, we don't sell it anywhere inside the park-
    Customer: WHAT. *catbutt face*
    Me: Yeah, but you can get a refillable bottle in our gift shop for like $4, and there's a filling station right over there.
    Customer: *glare*
    Me: Um...if you have your own bottle, you can use that too.
    Customer: *glare*
    Me: Or there's also a soda machine, you can buy one and drink the soda and then -
    Customer: *storms off, SLAMMING through the ornate historic doors*
    Me: *thinking* I was about to suggest you go in the restaurant or snack bar and get a free CUP of water, but whatever dude...apparently it has to come in a plastic bottle...you are what is wrong with America...


    I may have just come off a 10.75-hour shift, so I may be seeing things from a skewed perspective in which every customer is some kind of jackass (instead of the more usual 7-10%) right now, and I absolutely need a drink, but it will have to wait for my next day off.
    "Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages." - Terry Pratchett
    Emissary of Minong - my blog and its Facebook page

  • #2
    Quoth Dentarthurdent View Post
    Customer: *frowning in genuine bafflement* Hey, I can't get my dollars to go in the newspaper machine.
    I was chatting with a friend and less than attentive as I went to throw quarters into a pop machine. Glanced at the slot, pushed the quarter toward it and turned away. Quarter drops to the ground. Pick it up and pay attention, quarter goes in about a quarter inch and stops. Pull the quarter out and peer into the slot. See the familiar off white edges of a (presumably, one) dollar bill folded up inside. Wish I'd had my handy-dandy Swiss Army knife.

    See? It could always be worse.


    Quoth Dentarthurdent View Post
    so I may be seeing things from a skewed perspective in which every customer is some kind of jackass
    Or not. Could just be a bad run, it happens.

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth sms001 View Post
      I was chatting with a friend and less than attentive as I went to throw quarters into a pop machine. Glanced at the slot, pushed the quarter toward it and turned away. Quarter drops to the ground. Pick it up and pay attention, quarter goes in about a quarter inch and stops. Pull the quarter out and peer into the slot. See the familiar off white edges of a (presumably, one) dollar bill folded up inside.
      One time I was looking at one of the bottle return machines at work, and in the slot where the receipt with your bottle payment comes out, someone had jammed their store card in. What on EARTH were they expecting?!

      Comment


      • #4
        I like that you guys don't sell disposable bottles of water. That water filling station sounds like a wonderful idea!
        Thank you for calling Card Services, how may I take your abuse today? ~Headset Hellion

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth Dentarthurdent View Post
          Hey, I can't get my dollars to go in...
          Quoth sms001 View Post
          ... dollar bill folded up inside...
          It works!

          If you can fold them perfectly round, to the exact diameter, thickness, weight, conductance & reluctance of a dollar coin....
          I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
          Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
          Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth Dentarthurdent View Post
            BSOD the First
            Customer: *frowning in genuine bafflement* Hey, I can't get my dollars to go in the newspaper machine. It says they take dollars on there.<snip>

            *I hand him his change*
            (not two minutes later, he returns)
            Customer: I can't figure out how to put them in there.
            Me: *in my head* THE STUPID IT HURTS.
            Yes. Yes it does. I wish I had been there so I could have voice your inside thoughts out loud.

            I've never seen a newspaper machine that takes dollar bills. I suppose they must have them in the high rent districts. But in most of schlub America, you pay with coins.

            Quoth Dentarthurdent View Post
            BSOD the Second

            Customer: Where is [landmark everybody wants directions to, but nobody ever researches where in the fuck it actually is, and everyone is constantly surprised, amazed, and/or disgusted to find out how much it costs for admission, and by how far away it is, not that I'm bitter]?
            I did that once, but in my defense I was in the middle of the Nevada desert all alone in my car where no one could see me, and it was in the pre-GPS days.

            I was moving from North Dakota to California, and drove. I wasn't in a hurry because I had a whole week to get there, and knew the trip would only take a few days. So I was pulling off at any sign for the sights that looked interesting along the way (saw some really cool things, too, like the headwaters of the Missouri River).

            I saw a sign for a meteor crater. Looked cool, so I pulled off where it said. Ended up on a very rough road and went quite a few miles, getting a bit nervous as I went even though I had plenty of gas. Realized the crater was way too far away to make a realistic side trip, so I turned back to the interstate. I remember saying to myself "they could have said how FAR on the sign!" Then I remembered, I did have a map and I always could have pulled over and looked at it. It's not like there was a lot of traffic I would have been holding up.

            Quoth Dentarthurdent View Post
            We do not *like* bottled water, Sam I am.

            BG: No bottled water is sold in the national park where I work.

            Customer: Hey, where can I get a bottled water?
            Me: Oh, we don't sell it anywhere inside the park-
            Customer: WHAT. *catbutt face*
            I'm pretty sure NO Federal Park sells bottled water. First of all it is way too expensive. Secondly, it is wasteful, and the Feds are doing their part for the planet by not offering it.

            If I'm going to a Federal or State park, I bring several water bottles or my Camel Pak with me so I am provided with clear cool luciousness as I trek along that's about the only thing you can get for free anywhere.

            Quoth Headset Hellion View Post
            I like that you guys don't sell disposable bottles of water. That water filling station sounds like a wonderful idea!
            A lot of parks are crisscrossed with backpacking trails. Some are day trails, some are for weekend trips, some connect with longer trails like the Appalachian Trail or the Pacific Crest Trail that can take months to complete in one go. Any way you look at it, no matter the climate, you need access to water or you will get dehydrated in a hurry. I never go exploring any park without water.
            They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

            Comment


            • #7
              I'm always having people put their coins in the paper machine, then instead of just pulling the door open, they push the return button, then come in to complain to me that the machine keeps giving the money back and won't give them a paper.
              "Some times you just need to punch someone in the face"'Dalia Lama

              Comment


              • #8
                I'm putting off writing something more important,
                More important than CS?? Is that possible??

                Sounds like you had some real winners come through the park.

                Especially the bottled water guy. Funny thing about bottled water: I read recently that municipal water is usually better-regulated than any of the bottled water you can buy, AND a lot of bottled water is actually some other area's tap water anyway. So, yeah, not only is it more economical and less wasteful to bring your own, it might even be better for you.
                When you start at zero, everything's progress.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth MoonCat View Post
                  More important than CS?? Is that possible??
                  It was actually only a blog entry, but I really needed to get it done because I haven't posted in over 10 days and something actually happened I could write about and I needed to record the details.
                  "Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages." - Terry Pratchett
                  Emissary of Minong - my blog and its Facebook page

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth Sapphire Silk View Post
                    I've never seen a newspaper machine that takes dollar bills. I suppose they must have them in the high rent districts. But in most of schlub America, you pay with coins.
                    You know what would happen right? Every day there would be a flood of complaints from douchebags that the machine wouldn't give them change for their $100 bill.
                    Aliterate : A person who is capable of reading but unwilling to do so.

                    "A man who does not read has no advantage over a man who cannot" - Mark Twain

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                    • #11
                      Quoth infinitemonkies View Post
                      You know what would happen right? Every day there would be a flood of complaints from douchebags that the machine wouldn't give them change for their $100 bill.
                      Note acceptors can be configured to only accept certain denomination notes - for example the vending machines here in NZ are configured to take notes no bigger than 10 (in some places like airports they take 20s)
                      Violets are blue,
                      Roses are red,
                      I bequeath to thee...
                      A boot to the head >_>

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Dollar bills in a coin slot? Maybe these are the same people who, when online purchasing first became available to the general public, tried shoving their credit cards into disk drives.

                        One of my friends who worked in Yellowstone the same summer I did said she had a guest in the Mammoth area ask if it was possible to walk from there to Old Faithful and back. Apparently, this guest was not happy that such a trek would require lots of backpacking gear, a backcountry permit, and several days of hiking.

                        Quoth Dentarthurdent View Post
                        Customer: Hey, where can I get a bottled water?
                        Me: Oh, we don't sell it anywhere inside the park-
                        Customer: WHAT. *catbutt face*
                        Me: Yeah, but you can get a refillable bottle in our gift shop for like $4, and there's a filling station right over there.
                        Customer: *glare*
                        Me: Um...if you have your own bottle, you can use that too.
                        Customer: *glare*
                        Me: Or there's also a soda machine, you can buy one and drink the soda and then -
                        Customer: *storms off, SLAMMING through the ornate historic doors*
                        "Yeah, I know you can get water for free from any faucet, but... I wanna pay for it!" - Jim Gaffigan

                        Those people who think they always have to drink bottled water... they boggle my mind.

                        You strongly prefer the taste of bottled over tap? Okay. I get that. But even if bottled water is healthier than tap water (and, in most cases, I tend to believe that it is not), what makes you think that bottled is the only kind of water you can drink? It's not like they're pumping the tap water straight from the nearest sewage treatment plant and using an old screen door for a filter. This customer clearly had that kind of mentality. I'm surprised there wasn't some shout about the park wanting everybody to DIE of dehydration or something.
                        Last edited by HawaiianShirts; 10-29-2013, 05:39 AM.
                        I suspect that... inside every adult (sometimes not very far inside) is a bratty kid who wants everything his own way.
                        - Bill Watterson

                        My co-workers: They're there when they need me.
                        - IPF

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                        • #13
                          If you read most water bottle labels (I know, I know.. reading and SC's don't go together) you will find that several are in fact just bottled tap water. So.. there ya go. But hey, it's in a bottle right? So it has to be like healthier and stuff? Right??
                          Engaged to the amazing Marmalady. She is my Silver Dragon, shining as bright as the sun. I her Black Dragon (though good honestly), dark as night..fierce and strong.

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                          • #14
                            Ironically, tap water is regulated to stricter quality standards than bottled water.
                            Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

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