Tweet
[warning, LONG!]
I haven't posted in awhile, sorry for the scarcity!
I'm back with a shiny new work at home technical support job, wherein I work as a chat representative for my company!
As such, I'm able to bring you the exact transcript of the fun stuff I go through every day, and thought I'd bring you guys a few lovely examples.
------------------
(5:48 PM) maskedpuppy: Thank you for contacting Crappy ISP Technical Support. My name is shortenedversionofmaskedpuppy, may I have the telephone number associated with the account?
(5:50 PM) Mrs Jerkface: I already put it in MASKEDPUPPY. But let me just jump through YOUR hoop. -phonenumber-
(5:51 PM) maskedpuppy: How may I help you today?
(5:51 PM) Mrs Jerkface: Can you read?
(5:51 PM) maskedpuppy: I sure can!
(5:52 PM) Mrs Jerkface: Well good. Then read what I already typed into the box previous to this where it says WHAT IS THE PROBLEM!
(5:53 PM) maskedpuppy: So far, these are the messages I have between you and I: <copypaste of the transcript so far, partially copied and pasted so hopefully she'll read over her own words, realize that she's coming off as a nutball, and tone it down a bit>
(5:53 PM) maskedpuppy: I have not received a description of what you need assistance with today. I'm so sorry for the inconvenience. How may I help you today?
(5:54 PM) Mrs Jerkface: At the top of MY page right here, it says I am "now chatting with maskedpuppy"
(5:55 PM) maskedpuppy: I'd be happy to assist you, I just need you to tell me what I can help you out with today, please.
(5:56 PM) Mrs Jerkface: I beliebe you are a "shortenedversionofmaskedpuppy", so why does it say "maskedpuppy"? It also says "Beythany" before every entry from YOU.
(5:59 PM) maskedpuppy: My supervisors have not yet gotten around to changing my name in the server. shortenedversionofmaskedpuppy is the shortened version of my legal name. How may I help you today?
(6:00 PM) Mrs Jerkface: Prior to this page, I was asked to enter what the problem was & I did, along with my name & address etc! WHY cant you read it?
(6:00 PM) maskedpuppy: That information wasn't sent along to me, it is recorded by the system for my supervisors' sake. How may I help you today?
(6:01 PM) Mrs Jerkface: Cant access my email
(6:01 PM) maskedpuppy: Can I have your email address?
(6:02 PM) Mrs Jerkface: let me just put that in again too!!! jerkfacemcgee@crappyisp.com
(6:03 PM) maskedpuppy: Great, thank you so much! One moment, please.
(6:06 PM) maskedpuppy: I don't see any issues on the email servers at this time, so it could just be a password issue. I just need to verify you with your zip code so we can try changing the password, that should let you log in. Can I have your zip code, please?
(6:07 PM) Mrs Jerkface: 66666
(6:08 PM) maskedpuppy: Thanks! Now I just need a new password that's at least eight characters long and contains both numbers and letters, please.
(6:09 PM) Mrs Jerkface: I don't WANT a new password
(6:10 PM) maskedpuppy: Unfortunately that's the only way I can help you. Otherwise you'll need to contact us by phone for further assistance.
(6:11 PM) Mrs Jerkface: YOU changed the way I access my email. Now I cant access my email. WHY should I be the one to be inconvenienced?
(6:12 PM) maskedpuppy: I haven't done anything to change your email, I'm merely a technical support representative. I only have access to the tools necessary to change your password, I cannot supply your password to you to make sure you're using the right one, or do anything else regarding your email. Would you like the phone number for Technical Support?
(6:11 PM) Mrs Jerkface: YOU changed the way I access my email. Now I cant access my email. WHY should I be the one to be inconvenienced?
(6:12 PM) maskedpuppy: I haven't done anything to change your email, I'm merely a technical support representative. I only have access to the tools necessary to change your password, I cannot supply your password to you to make sure you're using the right one, or do anything else regarding your email. Would you like the phone number for Technical Support?
(6:15 PM) Mrs Jerkface: You represent this company & THEY changed how I access my email!
(6:16 PM) maskedpuppy: Unfortunately I don't have any way to change your email portal or any access to the team that works on coding and hosting the email portal. I'm so sorry to hear you're unhappy with the updates. If you'd like, I can provide you with a number for you to give us feedback on the recent changes.
She never responded to this, thank goodness, and I terminated the chat after five minutes of silence.
(6:45 PM) Loansharkbait: Why does CrappyISP have to be so difficult??? Every other place that I owe money to is more than happy to take a payment online!!!!
For the record, the problem was that she tried to give her credit card number to me. A tech support rep. Who has no access to billing. Which I explained to her multiple times and provided her the right number to...
(3:37 PM) maskedpuppy: Thank you for contacting Crappy ISP Technical Support. My name is maskedpuppy, may I have the telephone number associated with the account?
(3:40 PM) Oblivious: -phone number-
(3:41 PM) maskedpuppy: How may I help you today?
(3:41 PM) Oblivious: Call me
No.
(4:11 PM) maskedpuppy: My name is maskedpuppy and I will be your Technical Support representative. What can I do for you today?
(4:11 PM) sadcatbuttface: why don't youchange crappyisp's home page? it has been like this since last week.
(4:12 PM) sadcatbuttface: Is nothing else happening in the US, world?
(4:12 PM) maskedpuppy: I'm so sorry for the inconvenience, we are working on getting that resolved as soon as possible. Is there anything else I can assist with today?
(4:13 PM) sadcatbuttface: you are forcing people to go to other sites
(4:13 PM) sadcatbuttface: nothing else.
sadcatbuttface has left the room.
To be honest, I was a little impressed by this guy. At least he was aware that other websites exist. That's actually ahead of the curve with CrappyISP's demographic.
9:29 PM OtherISP Internet Chat Support: Hello. My name is maskedpuppy and I will be your OtherCrappierISP Technical Support representative. Can I get the phone number associated with the account?
9:31 PM Jerkface: I had to repair my computer and i need my subscription key for my antivirus please.
9:32 PM OtherISP Internet Chat Support: Can I get the phone number associated with the account?
9:33 PM Jerkface: Why can't you give it to me?
9:33 PM OtherISP Internet Chat Support: I need your account number so that I can look up your account and provide your subscription key.
9:34 PM Jerkface: My account # for my phone?
9:35 PM Jerkface: I can give you that.
9:35 PM OtherISP Internet Chat Support: Not for your phone, but for your DSL account.
9:35 PM Jerkface: OK.
9:36 PM Jerkface: Can't you look it up from where your at?
9:39 PM OtherISP Internet Chat Support: I can't look you up without your information. I need your information to look you up and provide you with the subscription key you've requested.
9:40 PM Jerkface: What do you need maybe I can help you?
9:42 PM OtherISP Internet Chat Support: I need your account number.
Wash, rinse, repeat...
(8:54 PM) maskedpuppy: Hello. My name is shortenedversionofmaskedpuppy and I will be your CrappyISP Technical Support representative. Can I get the phone number associated with the account?
(8:55 PM) EW: -phonenumber-
(8:56 PM) maskedpuppy: Thanks! How may I help you today?
(8:57 PM) EW: I want to know who I can speak with regarding your horrible customer service
(8:58 PM) maskedpuppy: Oh, sure thing! I'm so sorry you've had bad experiences with us. You can give our Customer Support team a call anytime Monday through Friday between 8AM and 6PM EST (7AM through 5PM CST) to offer feedback or register complaints.
(8:58 PM) maskedpuppy: Is there anything else I can assist with today?
(8:59 PM) EW: I am disgusted with crappyisp
(9:00 PM) EW: And no there is nothing you can help me with I will make sure nobody in this area signs up with you
(9:00 PM) maskedpuppy: I'm so sorry you feel that way. Thank you for contacting CrappyISP DSL Technical Support. Have a great day!
The kicker? Zero calls on record. She'd been suspended for overdue payment (think triple digits in owed money...and this is a VERY cheap monthly payment) and someone had called her to let her know she was being suspended after multiple warning emails.
Thanks for reading, if you made it this far! Sorry for the long-windedness, but I think they're funnier in context. In the future if ya'll would rather I trim them down, just let me know!
I haven't posted in awhile, sorry for the scarcity!
I'm back with a shiny new work at home technical support job, wherein I work as a chat representative for my company! As such, I'm able to bring you the exact transcript of the fun stuff I go through every day, and thought I'd bring you guys a few lovely examples.
------------------
(5:48 PM) maskedpuppy: Thank you for contacting Crappy ISP Technical Support. My name is shortenedversionofmaskedpuppy, may I have the telephone number associated with the account?
(5:50 PM) Mrs Jerkface: I already put it in MASKEDPUPPY. But let me just jump through YOUR hoop. -phonenumber-
(5:51 PM) maskedpuppy: How may I help you today?
(5:51 PM) Mrs Jerkface: Can you read?
(5:51 PM) maskedpuppy: I sure can!
(5:52 PM) Mrs Jerkface: Well good. Then read what I already typed into the box previous to this where it says WHAT IS THE PROBLEM!
(5:53 PM) maskedpuppy: So far, these are the messages I have between you and I: <copypaste of the transcript so far, partially copied and pasted so hopefully she'll read over her own words, realize that she's coming off as a nutball, and tone it down a bit>
(5:53 PM) maskedpuppy: I have not received a description of what you need assistance with today. I'm so sorry for the inconvenience. How may I help you today?
(5:54 PM) Mrs Jerkface: At the top of MY page right here, it says I am "now chatting with maskedpuppy"
(5:55 PM) maskedpuppy: I'd be happy to assist you, I just need you to tell me what I can help you out with today, please.
(5:56 PM) Mrs Jerkface: I beliebe you are a "shortenedversionofmaskedpuppy", so why does it say "maskedpuppy"? It also says "Beythany" before every entry from YOU.
(5:59 PM) maskedpuppy: My supervisors have not yet gotten around to changing my name in the server. shortenedversionofmaskedpuppy is the shortened version of my legal name. How may I help you today?
(6:00 PM) Mrs Jerkface: Prior to this page, I was asked to enter what the problem was & I did, along with my name & address etc! WHY cant you read it?
(6:00 PM) maskedpuppy: That information wasn't sent along to me, it is recorded by the system for my supervisors' sake. How may I help you today?
(6:01 PM) Mrs Jerkface: Cant access my email
(6:01 PM) maskedpuppy: Can I have your email address?
(6:02 PM) Mrs Jerkface: let me just put that in again too!!! jerkfacemcgee@crappyisp.com
(6:03 PM) maskedpuppy: Great, thank you so much! One moment, please.
(6:06 PM) maskedpuppy: I don't see any issues on the email servers at this time, so it could just be a password issue. I just need to verify you with your zip code so we can try changing the password, that should let you log in. Can I have your zip code, please?
(6:07 PM) Mrs Jerkface: 66666
(6:08 PM) maskedpuppy: Thanks! Now I just need a new password that's at least eight characters long and contains both numbers and letters, please.
(6:09 PM) Mrs Jerkface: I don't WANT a new password
(6:10 PM) maskedpuppy: Unfortunately that's the only way I can help you. Otherwise you'll need to contact us by phone for further assistance.
(6:11 PM) Mrs Jerkface: YOU changed the way I access my email. Now I cant access my email. WHY should I be the one to be inconvenienced?
(6:12 PM) maskedpuppy: I haven't done anything to change your email, I'm merely a technical support representative. I only have access to the tools necessary to change your password, I cannot supply your password to you to make sure you're using the right one, or do anything else regarding your email. Would you like the phone number for Technical Support?
(6:11 PM) Mrs Jerkface: YOU changed the way I access my email. Now I cant access my email. WHY should I be the one to be inconvenienced?
(6:12 PM) maskedpuppy: I haven't done anything to change your email, I'm merely a technical support representative. I only have access to the tools necessary to change your password, I cannot supply your password to you to make sure you're using the right one, or do anything else regarding your email. Would you like the phone number for Technical Support?
(6:15 PM) Mrs Jerkface: You represent this company & THEY changed how I access my email!
(6:16 PM) maskedpuppy: Unfortunately I don't have any way to change your email portal or any access to the team that works on coding and hosting the email portal. I'm so sorry to hear you're unhappy with the updates. If you'd like, I can provide you with a number for you to give us feedback on the recent changes.
She never responded to this, thank goodness, and I terminated the chat after five minutes of silence.
(6:45 PM) Loansharkbait: Why does CrappyISP have to be so difficult??? Every other place that I owe money to is more than happy to take a payment online!!!!
For the record, the problem was that she tried to give her credit card number to me. A tech support rep. Who has no access to billing. Which I explained to her multiple times and provided her the right number to...
(3:37 PM) maskedpuppy: Thank you for contacting Crappy ISP Technical Support. My name is maskedpuppy, may I have the telephone number associated with the account?
(3:40 PM) Oblivious: -phone number-
(3:41 PM) maskedpuppy: How may I help you today?
(3:41 PM) Oblivious: Call me
No.
(4:11 PM) maskedpuppy: My name is maskedpuppy and I will be your Technical Support representative. What can I do for you today?
(4:11 PM) sadcatbuttface: why don't youchange crappyisp's home page? it has been like this since last week.
(4:12 PM) sadcatbuttface: Is nothing else happening in the US, world?
(4:12 PM) maskedpuppy: I'm so sorry for the inconvenience, we are working on getting that resolved as soon as possible. Is there anything else I can assist with today?
(4:13 PM) sadcatbuttface: you are forcing people to go to other sites
(4:13 PM) sadcatbuttface: nothing else.
sadcatbuttface has left the room.
To be honest, I was a little impressed by this guy. At least he was aware that other websites exist. That's actually ahead of the curve with CrappyISP's demographic.
9:29 PM OtherISP Internet Chat Support: Hello. My name is maskedpuppy and I will be your OtherCrappierISP Technical Support representative. Can I get the phone number associated with the account?
9:31 PM Jerkface: I had to repair my computer and i need my subscription key for my antivirus please.
9:32 PM OtherISP Internet Chat Support: Can I get the phone number associated with the account?
9:33 PM Jerkface: Why can't you give it to me?
9:33 PM OtherISP Internet Chat Support: I need your account number so that I can look up your account and provide your subscription key.
9:34 PM Jerkface: My account # for my phone?
9:35 PM Jerkface: I can give you that.
9:35 PM OtherISP Internet Chat Support: Not for your phone, but for your DSL account.
9:35 PM Jerkface: OK.
9:36 PM Jerkface: Can't you look it up from where your at?
9:39 PM OtherISP Internet Chat Support: I can't look you up without your information. I need your information to look you up and provide you with the subscription key you've requested.
9:40 PM Jerkface: What do you need maybe I can help you?
9:42 PM OtherISP Internet Chat Support: I need your account number.
Wash, rinse, repeat...
(8:54 PM) maskedpuppy: Hello. My name is shortenedversionofmaskedpuppy and I will be your CrappyISP Technical Support representative. Can I get the phone number associated with the account?
(8:55 PM) EW: -phonenumber-
(8:56 PM) maskedpuppy: Thanks! How may I help you today?
(8:57 PM) EW: I want to know who I can speak with regarding your horrible customer service
(8:58 PM) maskedpuppy: Oh, sure thing! I'm so sorry you've had bad experiences with us. You can give our Customer Support team a call anytime Monday through Friday between 8AM and 6PM EST (7AM through 5PM CST) to offer feedback or register complaints.
(8:58 PM) maskedpuppy: Is there anything else I can assist with today?
(8:59 PM) EW: I am disgusted with crappyisp
(9:00 PM) EW: And no there is nothing you can help me with I will make sure nobody in this area signs up with you
(9:00 PM) maskedpuppy: I'm so sorry you feel that way. Thank you for contacting CrappyISP DSL Technical Support. Have a great day!
The kicker? Zero calls on record. She'd been suspended for overdue payment (think triple digits in owed money...and this is a VERY cheap monthly payment) and someone had called her to let her know she was being suspended after multiple warning emails.
Thanks for reading, if you made it this far! Sorry for the long-windedness, but I think they're funnier in context. In the future if ya'll would rather I trim them down, just let me know!
Comment