Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

What not to say to your health care professional..

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • What not to say to your health care professional..

    Sometimes patients get themselves in trouble over the things they say. Here is a list of things that have been said while I was in the room.

    Dr.: Are you sexually active?
    Idiot Patient: No you ****** I'm a lesbian.
    Dr. Ok then.. *walks out of room*
    Idiot Patient: I'll **** anyone for money
    Pt gets uncomfortable examination for the last comment.

    Dr.: I have written you a perscription for [some generic drug]
    Idiot Patient #2: I only take name brand drugs not the cheap brands
    Dr. :Ok, I was only trying to save you money.
    Idiot Patiend #2: It's ok I'm on medicaid, I don't have to pay for it.
    Dr. :*angry* Well if your drugs are comming out of my pay check, then you'll get the cheapest brand I can find.

  • #2


    Man, can you imagine all of the fun that Dr. House would have with them? That could be an episode in and of itself!
    I pray for the strength to change what I can, the inability to change what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes

    Being a pessimist and cynical wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't right so often!

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth 0oAmericanGirl View Post
      Dr.: Are you sexually active?
      Idiot Patient: No you ****** I'm a lesbian.
      What?!?!?! Are lesbians unable to be sexually active or something?

      Olive juice you too.

      Comment


      • #4
        Dr.: Are you sexually active?
        Idiot Patient: No you ****** I'm a lesbian.
        Dr. Ok then.. *walks out of room*
        Idiot Patient: I'll **** anyone for money
        Pt gets uncomfortable examination for the last comment.
        The only good place to say that is a bordello.

        Must've been pretty groaty if she said she'd **** anyone for money, but yet was not sexually active.
        Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

        "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

        Comment


        • #5
          All true and verbatim as best as can be recalled:

          Dr. (on phone): We are not refilling your prescription because we have not seen you for over a year, you need to make an appointment.
          IP: Why?

          IP: Yeah, I, uh missed last week of work cuz I was, uh, sick. I need a note for my boss.
          Dr: You, uh, need to uh, like, have been seen in clinic to get a note.

          IP: Yeah, I stayed home for 3 days cuz I had the sniffles and my HR person says you need to fill out this 4-page FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) form or I'll get my pay docked.
          Dr: FMLA is intended for serious illness, not for common cold...

          IP: <pulls out DOT Commercial Driver's License form at the end of a routine physical> Doc, can ya sign this for me?
          Dr: Not without doing the color vision test, hearing test, non-standard urine test that the form requires and for which we no longer have time...

          IP: So what if you last saw my kid in 2 years ago for a sore throat and he's signed up to play football/hockey/rugby/other injury-prone sport?? Why can't you sign his form?? You docs are all greedy, you just want those copays!!
          Dr. Yeah, $20 will buy a real nice pizza these days...

          IP: (on phone): Yeah, I'm too busy to come in, I'm sure I have strep throat again, can you call in the same antibiotic for me?
          Dr: Last time I did that, the patient had thrush, not strep, and got much worse. Our clinic is open 7:30 AM-8:15 PM Mon-Thurs, 9:00 AM-8:00 PM Friday, 9:00 AM-4:00 PM weekends and all holidays except Xmas and Thanksgiving.
          IP: Yeah but I don't want to miss (the game, Survivor, Dancing With the Stars, The Simpsons, Cops, etc etc)

          IP: I want an MRI
          Dr: You have a sprained little toe, you don't need an MRI.
          IP: I'll sue!!

          IP: How come I had to wait 15 minutes??!! And the guy who had the appointment after me was taken before me??!! This is terrible service!!!
          Dr: You called at 9:30 and got an appointment for 11:40. The 11:50 patient was taken first because he was blue in the face and so short of breath he couldn't talk. You hear the ambulance leaving? That was him. I personally brought you to the room at 11:55 to shorten your wait since my assistant is busy putting away the crash cart. Now what clinic are you used to going to that does better than this, because I want to go there as a patient myself!!

          Dr: You've never been seen in our clinic before, you live 70 miles away, you didn't bring ID, your exam does not fit with the history you gave, so no narcotics.
          IP: Man, you don't care about people in pain!! I'm gonna have to go buy drugs on the street because of you!! If I get arrested I'll sue you!!

          <Cell phone rings while patient has sigmoidoscope inserted 2 feet up his ass.>
          Dr: I double-dog dare you to answer that.
          IP: <Answers phone> Heeeeyy WHASSSSUPP???

          and many, many, many more different SC discussions....
          Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the restraints...
          TASTE THE LIME JELLO OF DEFEAT! -Gravekeeper

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth skeptic53 View Post
            <Cell phone rings while patient has sigmoidoscope inserted 2 feet up his ass.>
            Dr: I double-dog dare you to answer that.
            IP: <Answers phone> Heeeeyy WHASSSSUPP???
            OMG I'm going to remember this one for a long time!!
            Our brains are smarter than we think they am!

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth Spiffy McMoron View Post
              Man, can you imagine all of the fun that Dr. House would have with them? That could be an episode in and of itself!

              Dr. Greg House is my hero. :swoon:
              Unseen but seeing
              oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
              There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
              3rd shift needs love, too
              RIP, mo bhrionglóid

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth ladyklack View Post
                OMG I'm going to remember this one for a long time!!

                Same here. I think I'll have my friend call me next time I am at the colorectal surgeon.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth skeptic53 View Post
                  All true and verbatim as best as can be recalled:

                  IP: I want an MRI
                  Dr: You have a sprained little toe, you don't need an MRI.
                  IP: I'll sue!!
                  I don't know why but I found this one really really funny, I can imagine something like this in an SNL sketch.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    house would put all these people in there place.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth skeptic53 View Post
                      IP: How come I had to wait 15 minutes??!! And the guy who had the appointment after me was taken before me??!! This is terrible service!!!
                      On a semi related note, I love the people who show up grossly early to for their exams, and then bitch about the wait.

                      "I've been waiting for 45 minutes! This is ridiculous!"

                      "Actually, you showed up 40 minutes early so only 5 minutes of that is actually *our* fault..."
                      "This is the first time I've seen you look ugly, and that makes me happy!"

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        <Cell phone rings while patient has sigmoidoscope inserted 2 feet up his ass.>
                        Dr: I double-dog dare you to answer that.
                        IP: <Answers phone> Heeeeyy WHASSSSUPP???
                        Hey! I got a camera up my ass! How you doin'?
                        Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                        "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Workerbee hangs head in shame.

                          Momentarily not thinking, I once did say to my doctor, "Oh, no, I don't have shingles. Only OLD people have shingles." My own diagnostic skills are not good.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Quoth workerbee222 View Post
                            Workerbee hangs head in shame.

                            Momentarily not thinking, I once did say to my doctor, "Oh, no, I don't have shingles. Only OLD people have shingles." My own diagnostic skills are not good.

                            I had shingles at the age of 29. It wasn't pretty.



                            Read my Dr. House fanfics! (link below)
                            I question my sanity every day. Sometimes it answers.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth Severen13 View Post
                              I had shingles at the age of 29. It wasn't pretty.
                              My best friend had them at 15. She still says that hands down, it was the most painful thing ever...and she had a botched impacted wisdom tooth removal X 4.
                              Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

                              Proverbs 22:6

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X