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I had 2 major court dates last week and now there's only one thing left to deal with.
I could barely sleep Sunday night. I was going to my sentencing hearing the next day and although I knew probation would be recommended by both sides, I knew that the judge wasn't required to follow that recommendation. I went to court and the judge was late. No other cases were on his docket so I just chatted with my attorney a bit. My ex came in the courtroom with the new hubs in tow, which I thought was entertaining. My attorney asked the judge if he'd received a copy of the Psych Eval I had done back in December and he said no. So he gave the judge a copy and they called a 10 minute recess so the judge and the DA could read the report. My attorney asked if he could give me a copy as well. Because even though I paid for the eval out of my own pocket, since it was sent in a "CONFIDENTIAL" envelope, I wasn't allowed to see it. The judge said I could read the report but I was not to be given a personal copy. I read the 7-page report and told my attorney it was a damn shame I couldn't keep this copy because it was probably one of the most amazing and flattering things anyone had ever written about me. The guy had used my preferred pronouns throughout the report and had made several wonderful statements about me and how caring and compassionate I am, how I valued family and friends above everything else, and how I had been able to create a positive outcome from a terrible situation. He said there was no reason why I would not be a suitable co-parent to my children, and said, "she would excel at encouraging others and helping them find their potential and therefore would excel in a career in teaching, counseling, or ministry." Interesting, I've always liked Psychology.....
My attorney was allowed to speak first, and he gave all the reasons why I would be just fine on probation. Then the DA had his turn, and he tried to stab me in the back. First, he said he supported the idea that I be put on probation, but then added that I needed 30 days minimum in jail to think about what had happened. He then went on to say that while it was true I had no prior convictions or charges on my record, I had "picked a great one to start with," adding that I had "beat" my children and "punched and kicked them." I was pissed, part of my plea deal was for probation only, and he was actually referencing my Felony charges, which he himself admitted were bs and dropped to the charges I pled to of endangering a child. He also decided to try to use the psyh eval against me, saying, yeah, it said I was such a great person now, but at the time I was so frustrated about my gender issues I used that as an excuse to "beat" my children.
They let my ex give a statement next, and she had this nice little prepared statement to read. She gave her usual spiel about how bad I was and how she had forgiven me (yeah, she's really been showing that with all the trying to destroy me) but would never forget what I "did." She then went on to say that my children have nightmares about me, that all their behavioral problems are my fault, and said my oldest son has developed migraines that are so bad he throws up and his counselor said it's because of me.
Couple of points here, I'm sure my kids are probably somewhat afraid of me. After all, my ex has spent the last year reinforcing the notion that I'm some kind of monster to them. Also, she talked about how she had to pick up and go to a shelter and now she's remarried and is happy but my kids are messed up because I disrupted their lives. Excuse me, no one made her go to a shelter. She was the one who said she didn't want the house, and she knew all she had to do was say she wanted it and I wouldn't be allowed anywhere near it. So she made the decision on her own to go to a shelter rather than keep the children in their home. And I'm sure suddenly bringing this guy into their lives, along with his child, and then getting pregnant and then getting married to him all within a few months didn't disrupt their lives at all. No, I'm sure by that point there were well-adjusted into their new home and their new lives. It's totally my fault.
I will say that it is totally my fault my son has migraines. Given that migraines are hereditary and all. And the fact that I get migraines so bad I get light sensitive and motion sick and I throw up. And that I was diagnosed with "Classic Migraines," meaning I get premonitions prior to a migraine (I actually go partially blind for about 20 minutes then one of my arms, usually the right one, will go numb for about 10 minutes and then -BOOM- migraine). And even though I wasn't officially diagnosed with those migraines until I was 18, I had them since I was a kid. I didn't start having the premonitions until about 10, but I had my first migraine around age 7. And my son is 6. I'm willing to bet his counselor doesn't know they run in his family (I got them from my mom).
Then, when my ex was done, the judge looked at me. Finally, after all this time, I was given a chance to speak on my own behalf in court. I told the judge that everything I had done to improve my life over the last year I had done for the sake of my children. I said the DA was mistaken, I did not need 30 days to think about what happened because I have spent every single day for the past year thinking about it. I then said I had an issue with the DA saying I "beat" my kids and "punched and kicked them," because the charges I had pled to didn't say anything about me "beating" or otherwise harming anyone. They simply stated that I had put my children in a position where they could have potentially been at risk. I said that yes, even though I had the intention of keeping my children safe, I could have handled the situation better and I made a snap-decision that, while effective and did keep my children from harm, was not cautious enough. I stated that I had, throughout everything that has happened this year, maintained my employment to the State of Kansas as well as had a permanent residence and reliable transportation (unlike my ex who lives in an apartment and had her van repossessed).
I also responded to his claim about the psych eval, directing the judge to the paragraph that said "Ms (Kara) grew increasingly frustrated and depressed due to the state of her failing marriage, especially in the last 2 years of it, and the rejection of her love by her ex-spouse" et cetera. I said it did NOT say ANYWHERE in that report that my gender identity had ANYTHING to do with my anger and frustration.
Yeah... I totally PWND the DA. Double-cross me, you lil bastard.....
Then the judge sentenced me to 1 year per charge in the county jail for a total of 2 years. I died a little, everything I had worked so hard for had been in vain. Sure, it wouldn't be the end of ME, but it would be a massive setback and I'd never be able to have any kind of life when I got released. When the world came back in focus, the judge was talking about how I needed to keep paying my child support as a condition of my probation. He said he needed me to keep working and he would NOT have me on work release leaving the jail in my prison uniform, then coming back to the jail after my shift. He also said that at this point in my transition, if he put me in jail, I would be virtually unemployable after my release (I cannot freaking BELIEVE a judge in the state of Kansas was sympathetic to transgender issues). I looked at my attorney and squeaked "Am I going to jail or am I on probation?" He said, "The judge has to sentence you to jail FIRST, then you get put on probation." Ohhhhhhhhh.....
So that's that. 2 years probation and like $400 in fines, which will suck but I can handle since they're only asking me to pay $100 a month. My ex was NOT happy after court, certainly she looked happier before the hearing started. I had to give her a sweet lil smile when I passed her in the hallway. My attorney said she was PISSED and the DA most likely got an earful.
Also, I had to suppress a giggle every time my attorney, the DA, and (by the end of the hearing) even the judge referred to me as "The former Mr. (last name)." That was just too cool.
Wednesday I had my second hearing, this time in civil court. My ex was seeking some petty things she left here, and she can have them. She brought in a shoebox of a few things of mine she had taken, mainly my stocking my great-grandmother made for me when I was born and my Christmas ornaments that I had made in school or had been given to me over the years. They asked me about the terms of stuff and if I accepted and I said that was fine. My attorney then asked that I retain all claim on my retirement accounts, since my ex and her attorney had made no motion to take any of it (my attorney couldn't believe her attorney hadn't tried it, he said that was pretty much a given as part of a divorce). My ex agreed and that made me happy because I have 2 retirement accounts, one that I set up when I started at the prison, and one the state does automatically after your first year of employment. The judge also said I have to refinance my house in my name only, and if I can't do in one year that I have to sell my house. That really sucked. I've been struggling to try to keep this house, and there is no way I can refinance due to the fact that the divorce pretty much destroyed my credit.
Then we addressed how to handle custody. The judge wanted to use a mediator, who would talk to me and my counselor and anyone I thought she should talk to, then talk to my ex and whoever she wanted her to talk to, and then try to get us to reach an agreement on custody. It would cost us each $250. My ex said she couldn't do it because her hours have been cut. The judge said I could pay her half and the court would reimburse me by giving me a credit for $250 on my child support. I said it would be difficult but I was certain I could come up with $500. My ex declined, she said she wanted a hearing. The judge then explained to her that she wouldn't have to pay any of it because I would be paying for her part and she declined. He said we'd have the mediation done within 6 weeks and a hearing would have to be scheduled farther out than that. She declined. He told her that a hearing will take all day and will cost her a LOT more than $250 since her attorney would be "on the clock" and mine has already been paid. She insisted on a hearing. The judge sighed and said we'd do it in 90 days. My ex then said that 90 days won't work because her baby is due around that time and they are expecting it to come sooner. So it's been set for March 20th, and that will be the end of all my court woes.
Oh yeah, at the sentencing, my attorney asked that the judge not make a ruling on custody since that would be handled in civil court. The judge said that it is standard that I would not have any contact with my "victims," which would mean I couldn't see 2 of my children at all. BUT, the judge did rule that if the judge in the civil case determines I be granted any custody of my kids, he will count that as part of my probation. That judge was awesome.
I talked to my mortgage company the other day.... they only need me to send in the papers stating that my ex is not to be held responsible for the debt and they'll put the mortgage in my name only. So I don't have to sell my house. But if I DO sell my house, the judge also ruled that any profit I make is all mine and she gets no part of it (the same is true of any loss, so if I did decide to sell I'd have to make sure I make money or break even at the very least).
It feels great to just have this criminal case over with. No more worrying about what's going to happen next, what could go wrong. And 1 more court date and I will be done with my civil case with my ex.
I could barely sleep Sunday night. I was going to my sentencing hearing the next day and although I knew probation would be recommended by both sides, I knew that the judge wasn't required to follow that recommendation. I went to court and the judge was late. No other cases were on his docket so I just chatted with my attorney a bit. My ex came in the courtroom with the new hubs in tow, which I thought was entertaining. My attorney asked the judge if he'd received a copy of the Psych Eval I had done back in December and he said no. So he gave the judge a copy and they called a 10 minute recess so the judge and the DA could read the report. My attorney asked if he could give me a copy as well. Because even though I paid for the eval out of my own pocket, since it was sent in a "CONFIDENTIAL" envelope, I wasn't allowed to see it. The judge said I could read the report but I was not to be given a personal copy. I read the 7-page report and told my attorney it was a damn shame I couldn't keep this copy because it was probably one of the most amazing and flattering things anyone had ever written about me. The guy had used my preferred pronouns throughout the report and had made several wonderful statements about me and how caring and compassionate I am, how I valued family and friends above everything else, and how I had been able to create a positive outcome from a terrible situation. He said there was no reason why I would not be a suitable co-parent to my children, and said, "she would excel at encouraging others and helping them find their potential and therefore would excel in a career in teaching, counseling, or ministry." Interesting, I've always liked Psychology.....
My attorney was allowed to speak first, and he gave all the reasons why I would be just fine on probation. Then the DA had his turn, and he tried to stab me in the back. First, he said he supported the idea that I be put on probation, but then added that I needed 30 days minimum in jail to think about what had happened. He then went on to say that while it was true I had no prior convictions or charges on my record, I had "picked a great one to start with," adding that I had "beat" my children and "punched and kicked them." I was pissed, part of my plea deal was for probation only, and he was actually referencing my Felony charges, which he himself admitted were bs and dropped to the charges I pled to of endangering a child. He also decided to try to use the psyh eval against me, saying, yeah, it said I was such a great person now, but at the time I was so frustrated about my gender issues I used that as an excuse to "beat" my children.
They let my ex give a statement next, and she had this nice little prepared statement to read. She gave her usual spiel about how bad I was and how she had forgiven me (yeah, she's really been showing that with all the trying to destroy me) but would never forget what I "did." She then went on to say that my children have nightmares about me, that all their behavioral problems are my fault, and said my oldest son has developed migraines that are so bad he throws up and his counselor said it's because of me.
Couple of points here, I'm sure my kids are probably somewhat afraid of me. After all, my ex has spent the last year reinforcing the notion that I'm some kind of monster to them. Also, she talked about how she had to pick up and go to a shelter and now she's remarried and is happy but my kids are messed up because I disrupted their lives. Excuse me, no one made her go to a shelter. She was the one who said she didn't want the house, and she knew all she had to do was say she wanted it and I wouldn't be allowed anywhere near it. So she made the decision on her own to go to a shelter rather than keep the children in their home. And I'm sure suddenly bringing this guy into their lives, along with his child, and then getting pregnant and then getting married to him all within a few months didn't disrupt their lives at all. No, I'm sure by that point there were well-adjusted into their new home and their new lives. It's totally my fault.
I will say that it is totally my fault my son has migraines. Given that migraines are hereditary and all. And the fact that I get migraines so bad I get light sensitive and motion sick and I throw up. And that I was diagnosed with "Classic Migraines," meaning I get premonitions prior to a migraine (I actually go partially blind for about 20 minutes then one of my arms, usually the right one, will go numb for about 10 minutes and then -BOOM- migraine). And even though I wasn't officially diagnosed with those migraines until I was 18, I had them since I was a kid. I didn't start having the premonitions until about 10, but I had my first migraine around age 7. And my son is 6. I'm willing to bet his counselor doesn't know they run in his family (I got them from my mom).
Then, when my ex was done, the judge looked at me. Finally, after all this time, I was given a chance to speak on my own behalf in court. I told the judge that everything I had done to improve my life over the last year I had done for the sake of my children. I said the DA was mistaken, I did not need 30 days to think about what happened because I have spent every single day for the past year thinking about it. I then said I had an issue with the DA saying I "beat" my kids and "punched and kicked them," because the charges I had pled to didn't say anything about me "beating" or otherwise harming anyone. They simply stated that I had put my children in a position where they could have potentially been at risk. I said that yes, even though I had the intention of keeping my children safe, I could have handled the situation better and I made a snap-decision that, while effective and did keep my children from harm, was not cautious enough. I stated that I had, throughout everything that has happened this year, maintained my employment to the State of Kansas as well as had a permanent residence and reliable transportation (unlike my ex who lives in an apartment and had her van repossessed).
I also responded to his claim about the psych eval, directing the judge to the paragraph that said "Ms (Kara) grew increasingly frustrated and depressed due to the state of her failing marriage, especially in the last 2 years of it, and the rejection of her love by her ex-spouse" et cetera. I said it did NOT say ANYWHERE in that report that my gender identity had ANYTHING to do with my anger and frustration.
Yeah... I totally PWND the DA. Double-cross me, you lil bastard.....
Then the judge sentenced me to 1 year per charge in the county jail for a total of 2 years. I died a little, everything I had worked so hard for had been in vain. Sure, it wouldn't be the end of ME, but it would be a massive setback and I'd never be able to have any kind of life when I got released. When the world came back in focus, the judge was talking about how I needed to keep paying my child support as a condition of my probation. He said he needed me to keep working and he would NOT have me on work release leaving the jail in my prison uniform, then coming back to the jail after my shift. He also said that at this point in my transition, if he put me in jail, I would be virtually unemployable after my release (I cannot freaking BELIEVE a judge in the state of Kansas was sympathetic to transgender issues). I looked at my attorney and squeaked "Am I going to jail or am I on probation?" He said, "The judge has to sentence you to jail FIRST, then you get put on probation." Ohhhhhhhhh.....
So that's that. 2 years probation and like $400 in fines, which will suck but I can handle since they're only asking me to pay $100 a month. My ex was NOT happy after court, certainly she looked happier before the hearing started. I had to give her a sweet lil smile when I passed her in the hallway. My attorney said she was PISSED and the DA most likely got an earful.
Also, I had to suppress a giggle every time my attorney, the DA, and (by the end of the hearing) even the judge referred to me as "The former Mr. (last name)." That was just too cool.
Wednesday I had my second hearing, this time in civil court. My ex was seeking some petty things she left here, and she can have them. She brought in a shoebox of a few things of mine she had taken, mainly my stocking my great-grandmother made for me when I was born and my Christmas ornaments that I had made in school or had been given to me over the years. They asked me about the terms of stuff and if I accepted and I said that was fine. My attorney then asked that I retain all claim on my retirement accounts, since my ex and her attorney had made no motion to take any of it (my attorney couldn't believe her attorney hadn't tried it, he said that was pretty much a given as part of a divorce). My ex agreed and that made me happy because I have 2 retirement accounts, one that I set up when I started at the prison, and one the state does automatically after your first year of employment. The judge also said I have to refinance my house in my name only, and if I can't do in one year that I have to sell my house. That really sucked. I've been struggling to try to keep this house, and there is no way I can refinance due to the fact that the divorce pretty much destroyed my credit.
Then we addressed how to handle custody. The judge wanted to use a mediator, who would talk to me and my counselor and anyone I thought she should talk to, then talk to my ex and whoever she wanted her to talk to, and then try to get us to reach an agreement on custody. It would cost us each $250. My ex said she couldn't do it because her hours have been cut. The judge said I could pay her half and the court would reimburse me by giving me a credit for $250 on my child support. I said it would be difficult but I was certain I could come up with $500. My ex declined, she said she wanted a hearing. The judge then explained to her that she wouldn't have to pay any of it because I would be paying for her part and she declined. He said we'd have the mediation done within 6 weeks and a hearing would have to be scheduled farther out than that. She declined. He told her that a hearing will take all day and will cost her a LOT more than $250 since her attorney would be "on the clock" and mine has already been paid. She insisted on a hearing. The judge sighed and said we'd do it in 90 days. My ex then said that 90 days won't work because her baby is due around that time and they are expecting it to come sooner. So it's been set for March 20th, and that will be the end of all my court woes.
Oh yeah, at the sentencing, my attorney asked that the judge not make a ruling on custody since that would be handled in civil court. The judge said that it is standard that I would not have any contact with my "victims," which would mean I couldn't see 2 of my children at all. BUT, the judge did rule that if the judge in the civil case determines I be granted any custody of my kids, he will count that as part of my probation. That judge was awesome.
I talked to my mortgage company the other day.... they only need me to send in the papers stating that my ex is not to be held responsible for the debt and they'll put the mortgage in my name only. So I don't have to sell my house. But if I DO sell my house, the judge also ruled that any profit I make is all mine and she gets no part of it (the same is true of any loss, so if I did decide to sell I'd have to make sure I make money or break even at the very least).
It feels great to just have this criminal case over with. No more worrying about what's going to happen next, what could go wrong. And 1 more court date and I will be done with my civil case with my ex.
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