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  • Loss of grandma...

    ...and I'm taking it a lot harder than I thought I would. The past two weeks have been a whirlwind.

    She is my mom's mom and leaves behind 8 kids, 14 grandkids, 5 great grandkids, and her husband of 55 years. She had never been in great health, having had a few heart attacks since her 50s. Two weeks ago we found out she was in the hospital with pneumonia. One week later we find out she has Stage 4 lung cancer with metastasis to the brain. We thought she would at least make it through to Christmas, but her organs began shutting down on Wednesday so she was moved to hospice. By then all 8 kids and the local grandkids (about 10 of us) did rotations at the hospice and we had no idea when she would go. A priest from the Catholic church came to do the Anointing of the Sick/Last Rites yesterday, with all of us at her bedside. By that time we were just giving her a steady drip of sedatives to keep her asleep, since she was extremely combative upon waking. Two of my aunts and my uncle stayed with her yesterday evening while the rest of the family gathered at grandma and grandpa's to celebrate my aunt and uncle's birthday (yep, she had two kids with birthdays within two days of each other. I'm telling you, she could give Mrs. Duggar a run for her money...) My aunt called to tell us that she was gone, mere hours after the prayer. I do not practice Catholicism or any organized religion anymore, but to know that she got the spiritual relief she needed was a great source of comfort to us.

    Anyway, it's still fresh and I'm just rambling. I know everyone must deal with the death of elderly loved ones, but it's just so surreal how fast this all happened. I'm struggling to resume my daily activities while processing this. Your thoughts and prayers would be much appreciated!!!
    "If you are planning not to tip, please let your server know before ordering so they can decide whether or not to wait on you" - from an advice column I read some time ago

  • #2
    I kinda know how you feel. I lost my grandmother last year, at age 93. The last few years were pretty hard on her. She was gradually losing her independence. She gave up driving after an accident, which wasn't her fault. She'd fallen in a parking lot, and was attempting to drive to the hospital. Blood got in her eyes, and she hit a parked car. She saw giving up her license, as being a burden. That's when the depression started, and about the time that her mind started going. By then, she moved into a smaller apartment, but things soon got worse. She would forget where things were, that we'd already had dinner, or would forget that she no longer lived on the farm

    That's when we made the difficult decision to put her in a nursing home. If something happened to her, it was a 3-hour round trip. She was there until she died. By then, her mind was completely gone. She knew who I was, even though she couldn't quite see me. Then she had a stroke, and spent nearly all the time in bed, usually screaming for help.

    I'll never forget seeing her like that. This was a woman who survived a horrible auto accident in '94, took care of an 80-acre farm, volunteered at the hospital, helped just about everyone she encountered, was constantly trying to "fatten me up," and even let me live with her for awhile. To see her bedridden...made me But, at least I got to say goodbye. I was over there as usual on Sunday, spent several hours trying to comfort her, then drove home for dinner. When she died 2 days later, it was a blessing.

    I've tried to look at it that way. Even though I still miss her terribly, she's no longer in pain. She's no longer suffering, and is with my grandfather...who died of a massive heart attack 22 years prior.
    Aerodynamics are for people who can't build engines. --Enzo Ferrari

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    • #3
      I lost my grandmother to Alzheimers after being her caretaker for several years, then mom took over when it got to be too much for me. I moved to Hawaii, but when she stopped eating I flew back for the end. I was there for her passing. It's rough.
      /hugs
      If you work they should give you bereavement so you can get your bearings.

      She's in a better place, no pain.

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      • #4
        It's always hard to lose grandparents.

        My mom's mom died of chronic heart failure back in early 2008, and my mom's grandmother (my great grandma, Nanna) died in December that year. She'd been going down the tube for years losing her mind due to Alzheimers and Dimentia.
        You really need to see a neurologist. - Wagegoth

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        • #5
          I'm sorry for your loss, Giggle goose. My paternal grandfather died suddenly back in 1997 and he was in good health and in his late 60's which was hard for us to accept. Hell, any loss is hard to go through but take comfort knowing that now your grandmother is no longer suffering and lived a long life.
          I don't get paid enough to kiss your a**! -Groezig 5/31/08
          Another day...another million braincells lost...-Sarlon 6/16/08
          Chivalry is not dead. It's just direly underappreciated. -Samaliel 9/15/09

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          • #6
            It's always hard to lose someone you love.

            Grief is a process. Emotions go one way then another until we finally learn to live with the loss. It can take up to a year for most people.

            There's no such thing as closure. There's only learning to cope. But happy memories can sustain us when we are missing our loved one . . . even though my dad has been gone for three years now, a part of him is still inside me and it helps soothe the pain when I start missing him again.

            So sorry for your loss snuggle purse. Clearly this was a special lady.
            They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

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            • #7
              I am so sorry for your loss.
              Coffee should be strong, black and chewy! It should strip paint and frighten small children.

              My blog Darkwynd's Musings

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              • #8
                I'm sorry for your loss. =(

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                • #9
                  I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. I lost both of mine back in the 70's. Grandmas can be very special.
                  When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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