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I get owned by the king of the idiots

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  • I get owned by the king of the idiots

    We've all dealt with clueless customers... the ones who are totally puzzled by big words like "modem." We'll all dealt with helpless customers... the ones who want a tech to come out and change the channel for them. And we've all dealt with arrogant customers... the ones who like to pretend they're richer, smarter, and all around better than us.

    Tonight I had the good fortune to meet a customer who combined all three into one fairly spectacular show...

    Caller: You guys are having another internet outage!
    Me: (Runs some tests) Maybe... somewhere... but not where you are. Everything looks great.
    Caller: I'm telling you there's an outage.
    Me: And I'm telling you that your modem is online and so are the modems of your 300 closest neighbors.
    Caller: Well, my internet's not working. If you say there's not an outage, then fix it.

    I ask the caller if he has a router... surprisingly, he seems to understand... sort of.

    Caller: Yes... and I have a network.
    Me: Great. Unplug the modem and the router from the electric, and shut a computer down.
    Caller: (laughs dismissively) If you knew anything about networks, you'd know I can't do that.
    Me: Um... why not?
    Caller: (laughs dismissively again) This is not some toy, or a game. This is a vital communications network that people depend on.

    Oh, good... I'm going to get some hear some fantastic tale of the incredible home-based business that takes in thousands of dollars a minute... alas, no such luck...

    Me: Just what kind of network are you running on your residential internet account?
    Caller: I have four computers. [Oh, gee whiz wow! I'm talking with the reclusive Mr. Novell Ethernet himself!] Again, if you knew anything about networks, you'd know it's impossible to shut something like down.
    Me: I must admit, I've never heard that before.
    Caller: They must really be scraping the bottom of the barrel for employees.
    Me: Yeah... and I'm one of the better ones. Anyhow, I think it's entirely possible we can unplug the modem and router and it'll all be okay in the end.
    Caller: Absolutely not. You need to fix it. That's what you get paid for. Let's see if you really know what you're doing.

    Actually, I don't get paid enough to care about his network. And anyways, that's when I figured it out...

    Me: You don't know which one is your modem and which one is your router, do you?
    Caller: Ha, ha, ha. Blaming me for your lack of knowledge? You, sir, are an idiot. <click>

    Whoa... he really stuck it to me, huh?
    I was neat, clean, shaved and sober, and I didn't care who knew it. -- Raymond Chandler

  • #2
    Quoth TNT View Post
    Me: Just what kind of network are you running on your residential internet account?
    Caller: I have four computers. [Oh, gee whiz wow! I'm talking with the reclusive Mr. Novell Ethernet himself!] Again, if you knew anything about networks, you'd know it's impossible to shut something like down.
    He would have loved my networks class. That classroom was shared by 4 other professors, so we had to dismantle our 30-machine network at the end of every class. Surprisingly enough, nothing exploded as a result of that
    Me: You don't know which one is your modem and which one is your router, do you?
    Caller: Ha, ha, ha. Blaming me for your lack of knowledge? You, sir, are an idiot. <click>
    I love the lusers who think they know everything...
    "I am quite confident that I do exist."
    "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

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    • #3
      i feel like killing him

      Comment


      • #4
        I'm just vastly amused. At the end of the day, OP got a good laugh about it, (as did we), and buddy's internet is still on the blink
        GK/Kara/Jester fangirl.

        Comment


        • #5
          I wonder how long (read: how much time wasted on the phone) it'll take him to figure out that insulting someone you call for help is not the way to get helped.

          *waits for a version of this to show up on TSC*
          "I am quite confident that I do exist."
          "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth Dreamstalker View Post
            I wonder how long (read: how much time wasted on the phone) it'll take him to figure out that insulting someone you call for help is not the way to get helped.
            He never will. The stupidest people are the ones who are convinced that they are the smartest.
            Quoth TNT View Post
            Me: You don't know which one is your modem and which one is your router, do you?
            Caller: Ha, ha, ha. Blaming me for your lack of knowledge? You, sir, are an idiot. <click>
            I rest my case.
            I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
            My LiveJournal
            A page we can all agree with!

            Comment


            • #7
              Quoth TNT View Post
              Me: You don't know which one is your modem and which one is your router, do you?
              Caller: Ha, ha, ha. Blaming me for your lack of knowledge? You, sir, are an idiot. <click>
              You still didn't answer my question, sir. And if I'm such an idiot, why are you calling me to help you?

              And my personal question is: Did he phone back later that night?
              I pray for the strength to change what I can, the inability to change what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes

              Being a pessimist and cynical wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't right so often!

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth Spiffy McMoron View Post
                And my personal question is: Did he phone back later that night?
                No, because he unplugged every cord from every jack in his house in a desperate effort to locate the elusive "router."

                Ain't karma fun?!
                Not all who wander are lost.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth PuckishOne View Post
                  No, because he unplugged every cord from every jack in his house in a desperate effort to locate the elusive "router."
                  Aw, man, that sure showed TNT! Next time, TNT will know better than to DARE question a customer about such nonsense about "networks", "modems", "routers" and "electric"! The nerve!
                  I pray for the strength to change what I can, the inability to change what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes

                  Being a pessimist and cynical wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't right so often!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I deal with this everyday too, TNT. Noone knows what a router is, let alone their modem. Noone has a router, they have a Linkski, or some box their college kid put in when visiting home. They don't have two computers, but a desktop and a laptop that connects wirelessly. I could go on and on, but you know it all too well. A new tool the company gave us, allows use to see the mac of any device behind the modem, so I can then do a vendor mac search and know if they have a Linksys or Dlink device, so far only one time was the Linksys device a ethernet card. People are all too happy to spend money on something they don't need or could ever understand, because they're told they need it, or need to keep up with the Joneses.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I know about this one. When I used to do helpdesk for a local dialup company we used to get webhost customers calling like that during the evening hours after the webhost support desk was closed. Of course, I could have helped them but I was directed not to because they didn't want to let people think that they would always be able to call in after hours and get support because there wasn't always a person in after hours capable of doing so.

                      Anyways, we used to record and laugh at the self-important arses that tried to convince us internet tech support guys to support them with so much badly mangled terminology that it was hard to keep a straight face during the call. Of course, if we did not help them that minute their business would go bankrupt and they would sue us because we would be responsible. Invariably some idiot who changed something trivial but something that made all hell break loose was the real culprit. But it sure made for a good laugh.

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