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  • Pay no attention to the man behind the phone...

    Hello everyone, I haven't posted in awhile but I've been plenty busy at work and outside of work. Anyway, here I am again with more lovely stories from the cell phone world!

    Customer Standard Time #1

    Had a guy getting upset because we apparently screwed up a plan change and removed an unlimited data plan. Okay, not a big deal. Shit happens, we can fix that.

    Here's the problem: the plan change in question occurred in November...of 2014.

    He claims to have been calling us constantly about this since then to get it taken care of so I do my due diligence and review all the calls between November 2014 and now. The guy calls barely ONCE a month and in only one instance do I see any mention of data plan, but on a different line, not the one that's at issue.

    Despite my smashing his house of cards, he continues to bitch and moan. At one point I set my headset down for three minutes while he ranted.

    End result: You get nothing. You lose. Good day SIR!

    Customer Standard Time #2

    Lady claims she paid a $1200 deposit in store...last AUGUST...in CASH. Apparently she's just now noticed that rather sizable sum of money never actually reached her wireless account and she wants us to fix it...oh and I did I mention she has no proof she paid it? That's right, no receipt, no bank records, no nothing.

    Yeah, lady I'm TOTALLY going to take your word on this and just slip an extra $1200 in to your account because reasons...NOT!

    To make this even more unbelievable, when I asked the customer why they had taken so long to try and get this addressed all she said was: "I just never got around to it".

    Golly jeepers! I wish I was a rich bastard who could drop $1200 like that and not give a crap where it went.

    We forwarded this to our payment investigation team but we made it VERY clear to the customer that since she has NO proof this payment was ever made, she's probably SOL on this one.

    The man behind the phone

    I've gotten some truly bizarre calls in my time but this one has to be in my Top 5. A guy called telling me someone had hacked his phone. I get these calls quite a bit, what made this particular one interesting was the nature of the alleged hacking.

    The guy told me he knows someone hacked his phone because when he tries to a make a phone call he can hear a voice on the line telling him the phone is hacked.
    Apparently this same voice also tells him when he can and cannot make phone calls, who he can and can not call and what apps he can and can not use on his phone at any given time.

    You can't make this stuff up folks.

    I wonder if it could also tell him what meds he did and did not take today, but I digress. Anyway, I told him I took down all his information and will launch an investigation immediately. Of course I'm not actually going to, but that was enough to get him off my phone line (in my defense I did a complete account review and determined it was secure as could be, so <red checkmark> had nothing to do with his issues...unsurprisingly).

    Leaving on a Jetplane...

    Customer demands to speak to a manager because they want me to add a particular feature to a plan that doesn't offer it. We have another plan that does but he doesn't want to change to it because it, you know, costs MORE.

    So we go around a few times with me telling him that I can't add that feature to his plan because it just doesn't work that way then he finally got fed up and said he was going to fly to Corporate HQ and make them add it for him.

    Good luck buddy! Let me know how that works out for you!

    I got those lowdown iPhone 6 blues...

    Caller was from Georgia, but she certainly was NOT a Georgia Peach! She got an LG G4 a few months ago but she's not happy with it. She had an iphone before and liked it but she thought Android would be a better fit for her. This hasn't worked out so now she wants an iphone again.

    Okay, awesome, I can make that happen for you! We'll just upgrade this line here and--what's that? You want an iPhone but you don't want to PAY for one? That is...not going to happen.

    For those unaware, those pesky Apple folks have price controls on the iPhone. Due to our agreements with them we are NOT ALLOWED to offer discounted or free iPhones. No amount of yelling, cussing and screaming at me is going to change that. No, my manager can't do it. No, his manager can't do it.

    Okay, listen to me...listen to me...this CAN NOT HAPPEN. It's not because I don't like you (well, okay I don't but still...), it's because the system doesn't allow it!

    Finally she gave up and said she'd go get a free iphone from <Death star wireless>. Too bad for her, they are subject to Apple price controls too.

    Little Miss Can Be Wrong

    Ok, let's see. You say you're a 22 year-old college student but you're on wifi most of the time and you couldn't POSSIBLY have spent that much time on Snapchat, Instagram and Netflix and used 24 GB of data all by yourself so you shouldn't have to pay those pesky overage fees since there just HAS to be some kind of problem with our system? Right?

    Well, no, it doesn't work that way darling. You're kind of responsible for the data use on your phone and you're responsible for paying extra when you go over your limit. Welcome to the wonderful world of being an adult.

    In some cases we can certainly offer a credit to help you out but looking at this account I see it got a $75 credit last month for the EXACT SAME THING. Hmmm....

    Oh, that wasn't your line? It was your dad's so we should still give you a credit? Sorry honey, the real world doesn't work that way either, you'll just have to go back to daddykins and explain to him why his bill is huge. Buh bye now.

    I knew I saw a red phone around here somewhere...

    Me: My name is CC, I'm a manager here with <red checkmark> what can I do for you today?
    SC: I want to speak to the President!!
    (Oh boy, we're getting off to a great start here...)
    Me: May I ask what about?
    SC: NO! Get me the President!
    Me: Unfortuantely sir, the President of the Company does not take customer service calls. If you want to reach out to our executive team you can--
    SC: Not the <Red Checkmark> President, the President President!
    Me: The President President?
    SC: *sounding very annoyed* Obama. I want to speak to Barack Obama.
    Me: Oh, well in that case you have the wrong number. You can find the number to the White House by...
    SC: Oh no I don't! Look I watch the news I know all about how your company works with the NSA and the CIA and shit and I know you have a DIRECT line to the Oval Office, now put me through to the President!
    (I have a coworker who does a REALLY good Obama impression and I'm halfway tempted to "transfer" the call to him just see what would happen but for the sake of my job I think better of it...)
    Me: Sir, I am reasonably certain we don't have a direct line to the President and even if we did it, I'm reasonably certain regular call center management like myself would NOT have access to it. If you truly want to contact the White House, you can--
    SC: No, no, no. I knew this would happen. NSA probably got to all you people too. I need to get off this phone line. They've probably traced it already....damn. *click*
    Last edited by CrazedClerkthe2nd; 04-22-2016, 04:14 PM.
    "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

  • #2
    You are making me want to go work for a phone company. I'd never be bored!
    "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

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    • #3
      I don't think I could have exercised that kind of restraint that you did in the last story. I would have transferred the hell out of that call just to see what happens.
      To right the countless wrongs of our days... We shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise...Oh, what a wonderful world such would be...

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      • #4
        Quoth Mr Hero View Post
        I don't think I could have exercised that kind of restraint that you did in the last story. I would have transferred the hell out of that call just to see what happens.
        "Please hold for a moment while I trace- I mean TRANSFER your call..."
        "If your day is filled with firefighting, you need to start taking the matches away from the toddlers…” - HM

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        • #5
          Its ALWAYS fun to mess with the Tin Foil hat people.

          Comment


          • #6
            Up to a point though, some of those people are really, really invested in their little conspiracy of the moment. If retail/customer service has taught me anything, it's that you should never underestimate the power of tinfoil hat wearing, pitchfork waving. pants on head and howling at the moon levels of crazy.
            Patient has severely impacted cranial rectosis. There's probably no cure. - Overheard in ER

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            • #7
              Quoth CrazedClerkthe2nd View Post
              We forwarded this to our payment investigation team but we made it VERY clear to the customer that since she has NO proof this payment was ever made, she's probably SOL on this one.
              You KNOW you haven't heard the last of this one...

              Quoth CrazedClerkthe2nd View Post
              Ok, let's see. You say you're a 22 year-old college student but you're on wifi most of the time and you couldn't POSSIBLY have spent that much time on Snapchat, Instagram and Netflix and used 24 GB of data all by yourself so you shouldn't have to pay those pesky overage fees since there just HAS to be some kind of problem with our system? Right?
              Our future generation. Are you as worried as I am?

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              • #8
                Quoth CrazedClerkthe2nd View Post
                Ok, let's see. You say you're a 22 year-old college student but you're on wifi most of the time and you couldn't POSSIBLY have spent that much time on Snapchat, Instagram and Netflix and used 24 GB of data all by yourself
                My guess is that "on wifi most of the time" means she had coffee at Starbucks, signed on to their WiFi, and left the WiFi on her phone turned on. Of course, as soon as she stepped out of range, the phone switched back to using cellular data even though it was trying (and failing) to work with the out-of-range WiFi.

                Another possibility is that she has a recent PhrootFone. The latest iOS update has, enabled by default, something called "enhanced WiFi". Basically, if the WiFi connection is too slow, it will use cellular data to make up the speed needed. If campus has free (but slow) WiFi, she's using her cellular data even when she's connected to WiFi.

                Please tell me she's not stupid enough to think that "on wifi" means turning on the personal hotspot, rather than the function marked "WiFi", and OTHER PEOPLE are connecting to WiFi through her phone and using HER cellular data.
                Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

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                • #9
                  Quoth Mr Hero View Post
                  I don't think I could have exercised that kind of restraint that you did in the last story. I would have transferred the hell out of that call just to see what happens.
                  Yeah, thinking back on it I wish I had

                  I'll have to catch the next one. Shouldn't take long. I get one or two tinfoil crazies a week...
                  "If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

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                  • #10
                    When I worked as the church secretary, I remember getting a great phone-call from a tin-foil hat woman. I don't remember the exact details, though,.....just that she was going on about cell phone towers being tools of Satan, and because our church's symbol is on a nearby on, we needed to know about this.

                    {Needless to say, I didn't pass this "information" on to our then-pastor)

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                    • #11
                      Quoth KellyHabersham View Post
                      {Needless to say, I didn't pass this "information" on to our then-pastor)
                      Why not?

                      When I have to suffer through something like that, I make sure I find someone to suffer with me.
                      Unseen but seeing
                      oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
                      There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
                      3rd shift needs love, too
                      RIP, mo bhrionglóid

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                      • #12
                        Quoth KellyHabersham View Post
                        ...just that she was going on about cell phone towers being tools of Satan, and because our church's symbol is on a nearby one, we needed to know about this.

                        {Needless to say, I didn't pass this "information" on to our then-pastor)
                        Depending on how many cell phones go off during his services, he might just agree with her.
                        "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

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