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Whoever is old enough to have owned Windows 95....

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  • Whoever is old enough to have owned Windows 95....

    Some WIN95 humor....


    Bill Gates dies in a car accident.

    He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.

    "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows ‘95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case;

    I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."

    Bill replied, "well, what's the difference between the two?"

    St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."

    "Fine, but where should I go first?"

    "I'll leave that up to you."

    "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."

    So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect.

    He was very pleased.

    "This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!"

    "Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went.

    Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision.

    "Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter.

    "Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire."

    So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons.

    "How's everything going?" he asked Bill.

    Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment,

    "this is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?!???

    "That was a demo," replied St. Peter.
    "We were put on this Earth to fart around, and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise." -Kurt Vonnegut

  • #2
    Psst - it's funnier if you say "Screensaver" instead of "demo".

    Rapscallion

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    • #3
      Damn, but it is funnier that way. Never heard it like that before now.

      Thanks Raps!

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      • #4
        Reminds me of another one:

        How many Windows 95 engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

        None- the darkness is an added feature!
        My basic dog food advice - send a pm if you need more.

        Saydrah's leaving the nest advice + packing list live here.

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        • #5
          You know, this joke could easily be updated to Vista.

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          • #6
            Quoth Dorath View Post
            You know, this joke could easily be updated to Vista.
            ...or Windows ME
            Aerodynamics are for people who can't build engines. --Enzo Ferrari

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            • #7
              Windows 95 was the average number of times a day it crashed.
              ME stands for "Many Errors"
              XP is "eXtra Problems"

              I haven't thought of one for Vista yet...

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              • #8
                They call it Vista cause they view of the landscape through your wall after you throw your computer through it is breathtaking.

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                • #9
                  Quoth coldcupofjoe View Post
                  They call it Vista cause they view of the landscape through your wall after you throw your computer through it is breathtaking.
                  And it'll be more than your breath taken away when your parents find out you've thrown a computer through the wall.

                  Don't try that at home, kids.

                  I think Vista is the wrong name for this OS . . . ID would be better, for Internet Dysfunction.

                  Don't try Vista on dialup . . . all the Viagra in the world won't keep that connection up long.
                  Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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                  • #10
                    Quoth Rapscallion View Post
                    Psst - it's funnier if you say "Screensaver" instead of "demo".
                    And even funnier if you say 'bluescreen'.
                    Seshat's self-help guide:
                    1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
                    2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
                    3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
                    4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

                    "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

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