Go Back   Customers Suck! > The Heart of the Site > Sucky Customers

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes

Upon A Mighty Steed
  #1  
Old 10-27-2020, 01:02 AM
Gravekeeper's Avatar
Gravekeeper Gravekeeper is offline
Content Slut
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: BC
Posts: 2,501
Default Upon A Mighty Steed

As somewhat of a hobby I've volunteered / been put in charge of running and monitoring the security cameras for my apartment building. This doesn't net me anywhere near as much weirdness as my old job but it does glean the occasional amusement.

For this particular tale I must set the scene. This is a small town ( like one traffic light small ) and its all but dead by 11pm. Everyone downtown can hear if a single car drives through town it's that quiet. For idiots with muffler phallus you can hear them coming from blocks away.

Which brings me to this intellectual crème fraîche.

I was laying in bed listening to a podcast ( MBMBAM~ ) a couple weeks ago at 1am or so when I hear an engine/muffler combo through my headphones. I take them off and I can hear some taint musk just roaring it on a street bike down main street 3 blocks away. I don't think too much of it since it happens once in a while but then I realize it's getting closer. And closer. Theeeeen it pulls in right beside my building.

At which point I think "No way", grab my phone and flip to the camera behind the building. Sure enough, there's some twat on a bike sitting in the alley. His bike is absurdly loud even at idle so he's waking up everyone in the immediate vicinity. Then he drives up the alley to the end ( where there's 2 more apartment buildings. Just to make sure he wakes up everyone up there too I guess ). I can hear him stop and let the bike idle for a minute. Then he drives back down the alley and right into our parking lot. Waking up basically everyone in my building and the houses across from my building.

So now I get up and go to my back window to see how this tale unfolds and I see him walk his bike through the gate into our covered parking. When I say gate I don't mean car gate. I mean normal, human sized gate. As in he's just barely squeezing the bike through. Then he stops and parks the bike right in the middle of the drive way into the covered parking on the other side of the building.

At this point everyone is awake. I'm watching him, a few neighbours are watching him and as I learned later even the people across the street were woken up and watching him. With all these lights coming on and people peeking out of their curtains on him he launches his cunning plan.

This dude was a farking car thief.

I don't mean the kind that steals your car. I mean the kind that goes around trying doors on cars to see if anyone left theirs open then steals everything he can find inside. This fark popsicle is straight up trying to break into the cars in the parkade. With EVERYONE watching him after he just woke everyone in the entire neighbour up with his approach ( and yes multiple people called the cops ). I'll admit I didn't react as quickly as I should have because I was just stunned at the audacity of this tool of a man. But I grabbed my flashlight and went out into my patio which looks right at the parkade.

Meanwing, this idiot has failed at the cars so he's trying to break into the building's toolshed. But he didn't plan on facing the fortified obstacle of a $5 padlock so he was failing miserably. His meager, rat like claws trying to pry their way into the gap of the door. There was no way the nefarious plan he had spent all of 30 seconds putting together at a 24 hour McDonalds was going to fail him this night.

So I shine my flashlight in his face and demand to know what he's doing. Keep in mind his fingers are literally in the gap of the shed door trying to pry it open. His rodent like eyes glinting in the light.

He spooks and starts looking around like he's surrounded then claims he was "just waiting for a friend". Mhmm. That's the ticket. All of this careful prep work and you're going to try and tell me you're just waiting for a friend? At 1am? In our parkade? With your hands in our shed? At this point it occurs to me that I am dealing with a brain trust just as shallow as I had anticipated.

I point out the obvious that his friend is unlikely to be in the shed nor the cars he tried to break into. He kind of backs away like he's trying not to take his eyes off a bear and fumbles his way back onto his bike. Then revs her up and takes off screaming out of town. You can actually hear him get all the way back onto the highway his bike is so loud.

And so it was he vanished into the night to dream the impossible dream of using his $8000 top of the line street bike to steal a $12.99 pair of garden shears.
Reply With Quote

  #2  
Old 10-27-2020, 05:23 AM
Kristev's Avatar
Kristev Kristev is offline
Tarot-carrying novelist.
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: No longer on the streets and that's wonderful.
Posts: 3,910
Default

Yeah, that's it. The best way to commit theft is to attract everyone's attention. What a dumbbunny.
__________________
Customers should always be served . . . to the nearest great white.
Reply With Quote

  #3  
Old 10-27-2020, 08:59 AM
Arcus's Avatar
Arcus Arcus is offline
Assistant Manager
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Utah
Posts: 465
Default

He most likely has lost his hearing because of that thing, so he had no idea he was waking the dead. Just the guy you hope drives by when the zombies rise. Every zombie will be following him out of the city to his hideout and he wont know why.
Reply With Quote

  #4  
Old 10-27-2020, 02:32 PM
XCashier's Avatar
XCashier XCashier is offline
Insert clever title here
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: At my computer
Posts: 7,003
Default

"Rev that engine louder, I can't hear how small your dick is!"

I will never understand those noisemakers. Who do they think they're fooling? They may as well drive a jacked-up oversized pickup with rolling coal shooting out smoke and TruckNutz dangling from the back bumper.

And to attempt a break-in or twelve while riding one of those noisemakers through the dead of night, waking everyone up?! This guy put the "duh" in "dumbass".
__________________
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
My LiveJournal
A page we can all agree with!
Reply With Quote

  #5  
Old 10-27-2020, 07:53 PM
csquared's Avatar
csquared csquared is offline
Loanshark IT
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: On the verge of Cumming... GA
Posts: 1,570
Default

Loud pipes save lives.

But they don't need to be that loud.

Ninja exam: FAILED!
__________________
Life is too short to not eat popcorn.
Save the Ales!
Toys for Tots at Rooster's Cafe
Reply With Quote

  #6  
Old 10-27-2020, 10:25 PM
taxguykarl's Avatar
taxguykarl taxguykarl is offline
Seasonal Tax Preparer
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Chicagoland (South suburbs)
Posts: 3,890
Default

Any update? This sounds like a town with a police department that can be counted on one hand. Did they catch up to him and which would have the greater penalty: trespassing or disturbing the peace?
__________________
I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my keister!

Who is John Galt?
-Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
Reply With Quote

  #7  
Old 10-27-2020, 11:53 PM
Gravekeeper's Avatar
Gravekeeper Gravekeeper is offline
Content Slut
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: BC
Posts: 2,501
Default

Quote:
Quoth taxguykarl View Post
Any update? This sounds like a town with a police department that can be counted on one hand. Did they catch up to him and which would have the greater penalty: trespassing or disturbing the peace?
Nah, he was back on the highway and gone before the RCMP could respond. I'm putting another camera in down there so if any shenanigans like that occur again I can get a plate number.

Usually the car thief idiots are on foot and I just yell at them through the camera speakers. Haven't seen much lately. Think word got around town. -.-
Reply With Quote

  #8  
Old 10-28-2020, 01:21 AM
Slave to the Phone Slave to the Phone is offline
Cashier
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 1,380
Default

Quote:
Quoth csquared View Post
Loud pipes save lives.
Biker here. No they don't. They really don't. Consider the stereo systems and sound proofing on 4 wheelers nowadays and remember the Doppler Effect. Not only that, deaf folks don't hear other vehicles, so they could actually be a worse danger for the riders long term than most folks appreciate.

Flags, fringe and reflectors. That's the way I've stayed alive for all these years. I want people to SEE me.

Back to topic, sorry to see you are still dealing with idiots, but also glad to see that you are and will share them with us!
Reply With Quote

  #9  
Old 10-28-2020, 04:19 AM
Pixelated Pixelated is offline
Chairman of the Board
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Bookholm
Posts: 2,185
Default

Quote:
Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
*snip*

Usually the car thief idiots are on foot and I just yell at them through the camera speakers. Haven't seen much lately. Think word got around town. -.-
They're probably freaked out by this booming voice coming out of seemingly nowhere ...
__________________
Customer service: More efficient than a Dementor's kiss
~ Mr Hero
Reply With Quote

  #10  
Old 10-28-2020, 05:02 AM
Gravekeeper's Avatar
Gravekeeper Gravekeeper is offline
Content Slut
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: BC
Posts: 2,501
Default

Quote:
Quoth Pixelated View Post
They're probably freaked out by this booming voice coming out of seemingly nowhere ...
To be honest the camera speakers aren't that great. It sounds more like you're being yelled at by a Wendy's drive through.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 09:26 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.