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I'll probably come up with more as I remember them, this week was just...weird. I was selfscan for the week.
Tomato Tomfoolery
I'm running some abandoned produce back, when a woman grabs me (seriously, what IS it with people wanting to grab my arm lately?!)
SC: (sweetly) "Oh, you're shopping for yourself, I'm sorry."
Before I can say anything, she starts in with "Now which of these cherry tomatoes are the sweetest?"
I don't know a hell of a lot about tomatoes (or why she was asking that question), but I know that the yellow cherry tomatoes are pretty sweet-tasting.
Unfortunately, they're not on sale, so of course not what she wanted.
SC: (patronizing) "No, honey, I want to know which ones are the sweetest. These, the ones on sale."
Me: "If you want the sweetest ones, those would be the [brand] yellow cherry tomatoes. I don't know about the ones that are on sale, but the [other brand with 'sweet' in the name that is on sale] is pretty good. It would help if you could tell me what you're using them for; salad, finger foods, et cetera."
SC: "You don't know anything. The people here are nice, but not helpful. [Other store] lets me try the tomatoes." I can guarantee that they don't, unless she means a tomato salad in the deli. That's the only area that lets customers try stuff.
Don't you know slavery was abolished?
Shortly after the above incident, FEM passes by me with a man on her heels complaining about something.
FEM: "Our produce manager is gone for the day."
SC: "Well, you shouldn't let him do that!"
PIN Stupidity
Now I agree that a lot of our pinpads on the cashier lanes have problems; they're at the perfect height to be run into with carts, SCs insist on using pens instead of their fingers (in a way I don't blame them, I don't think those things have ever been cleaned), etc.
A woman comes through and pays by debit. Something goes wrong, and being in a purple shirt that day (but I'm not a manager) I get to be in the middle of it. The card has been declined once for an invalid PIN. So I have her type it in again while watching to see how many numbers are pressed. The PIN is either 4 or 5 digits. She's punching in 6. BEEP. Strike two, one more try will lock the card.
Me: "Ma'am, a PIN is four or five digits. This is six. Are you absolutely sure this is your PIN?"
SC: "I just used this card at [four different stores]! I know my number is right! You must be adding in numbers!"
Some banks will block a card if they detect too many debit transactions within a certain time frame; I suspect this is what happened as she's admitted to using it five times in under an hour.
Meanwhile, she's managed to completely lock out the card. We can do nothing at this point; she needs to contact her bank.
SC: "What do you mean?! I know this card works! [it DID, you got that much right] I can't go to the bank, it's too late! You did something to the card!"
FEM: "Ma'am, you need to contact your bank. I don't know why, but they locked your card. This cannot be resolved until you call them."
SC: "I want you to fix it!"
FEM: "For security reasons we cannot enter card information. You do that."
Her bank has a 24-hour line for stuff like this. So FEM saves the order and tells her that she needs to call her bank, I go back to what I was supposed to be doing.
A few minutes later, SC is grabbing my shirt. She wants to use her card in the ATM
Later, she gets ASM involved. I don't hear that much of the conversation save for this gem: "If I have to walk five blocks to the bank to fix this and I get hit by a car it's coming out of YOUR paycheck!"
-------------------------------------------
I've posted about Crazy Can Lady (CCL) before, I'm sure. She does nothing but use (break) our bottle machines, harass the staff, and make actual customers very uncomfortable. More than one of the frontend managers is itching to ban her, and I may have found a way
On Saturday night, I caught her sampling (which is a violation of state law/health codes) and pawing the grapes 
Of course I ID'ed her to every produce person and manager I could find; she didn't come back into that department, but at least more people know who she is. I'm sure a lot of other people do this, but she is probably the worst in terms of assorted fun bacteria on her hands from dumpsters.
Tomato Tomfoolery
I'm running some abandoned produce back, when a woman grabs me (seriously, what IS it with people wanting to grab my arm lately?!)
SC: (sweetly) "Oh, you're shopping for yourself, I'm sorry."
Before I can say anything, she starts in with "Now which of these cherry tomatoes are the sweetest?"
I don't know a hell of a lot about tomatoes (or why she was asking that question), but I know that the yellow cherry tomatoes are pretty sweet-tasting.
Unfortunately, they're not on sale, so of course not what she wanted.
SC: (patronizing) "No, honey, I want to know which ones are the sweetest. These, the ones on sale."
Me: "If you want the sweetest ones, those would be the [brand] yellow cherry tomatoes. I don't know about the ones that are on sale, but the [other brand with 'sweet' in the name that is on sale] is pretty good. It would help if you could tell me what you're using them for; salad, finger foods, et cetera."
SC: "You don't know anything. The people here are nice, but not helpful. [Other store] lets me try the tomatoes." I can guarantee that they don't, unless she means a tomato salad in the deli. That's the only area that lets customers try stuff.
Don't you know slavery was abolished?
Shortly after the above incident, FEM passes by me with a man on her heels complaining about something.
FEM: "Our produce manager is gone for the day."
SC: "Well, you shouldn't let him do that!"
PIN Stupidity
Now I agree that a lot of our pinpads on the cashier lanes have problems; they're at the perfect height to be run into with carts, SCs insist on using pens instead of their fingers (in a way I don't blame them, I don't think those things have ever been cleaned), etc.
A woman comes through and pays by debit. Something goes wrong, and being in a purple shirt that day (but I'm not a manager) I get to be in the middle of it. The card has been declined once for an invalid PIN. So I have her type it in again while watching to see how many numbers are pressed. The PIN is either 4 or 5 digits. She's punching in 6. BEEP. Strike two, one more try will lock the card.
Me: "Ma'am, a PIN is four or five digits. This is six. Are you absolutely sure this is your PIN?"
SC: "I just used this card at [four different stores]! I know my number is right! You must be adding in numbers!"
Some banks will block a card if they detect too many debit transactions within a certain time frame; I suspect this is what happened as she's admitted to using it five times in under an hour.
Meanwhile, she's managed to completely lock out the card. We can do nothing at this point; she needs to contact her bank.
SC: "What do you mean?! I know this card works! [it DID, you got that much right] I can't go to the bank, it's too late! You did something to the card!"
FEM: "Ma'am, you need to contact your bank. I don't know why, but they locked your card. This cannot be resolved until you call them."
SC: "I want you to fix it!"
FEM: "For security reasons we cannot enter card information. You do that."
Her bank has a 24-hour line for stuff like this. So FEM saves the order and tells her that she needs to call her bank, I go back to what I was supposed to be doing.
A few minutes later, SC is grabbing my shirt. She wants to use her card in the ATM
Later, she gets ASM involved. I don't hear that much of the conversation save for this gem: "If I have to walk five blocks to the bank to fix this and I get hit by a car it's coming out of YOUR paycheck!"
-------------------------------------------
I've posted about Crazy Can Lady (CCL) before, I'm sure. She does nothing but use (break) our bottle machines, harass the staff, and make actual customers very uncomfortable. More than one of the frontend managers is itching to ban her, and I may have found a way
On Saturday night, I caught her sampling (which is a violation of state law/health codes) and pawing the grapes Of course I ID'ed her to every produce person and manager I could find; she didn't come back into that department, but at least more people know who she is. I'm sure a lot of other people do this, but she is probably the worst in terms of assorted fun bacteria on her hands from dumpsters.
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