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I used to be a serviceman for residential alarm systems. You'd get people who had little patience, little brainpower, or both (*shudder*) and I'd have to go to their homes and deal with their idiosyncrasies.
This woman had installed the alarm a year or so ago.. never used it. She get's all bent out of shape when it asks for batteries a year later (AT&T alarm.. dumbasses put a 9v battery in a wireless unit..) I have to come out, did NOT call the police, did NOT set the siren off, and that she could have stopped the beeping by pushing a button. This took FOUR TRIES to get her to semi-understand.
Needless to say, I was distressed when the service call came back a week later. I checked every last device.. TWICE.. no low batteries. Changed one just to shut her up. I get halfway home when my cellphone goes off. "Angry customer!" "Fix it N-O-W!!!" yadda yadda yadda...
*sigh*
Go back.
Physically meter each and EVERY new battery BEFORE putting them in.
Change EVERY battery and check it for signal.
TWICE!!
Anyone who has lived, visited or even HEARD of NYC rush hour traffic knows that I was NOT happy to be going home through Brooklyn to LI at 6:30 on a friday.
6:45 and this $@#@!! calls me DIRECTLY!!! cursing and screaming that the %#$#$ ing alarm is %%#$ing BEEPING AGAIN!! COME HERE AND TAKE IT OUT OF MY %#$#ing HOUSE!!!
Boss say's do whatever it takes to save the client.
Takes me an HOUR to fight my way back. No lunch, now no dinner. I'm physically shaking from hunger and addrenaline overuse. She lays into me like you wouldn't believe. I start to apologize, I bite my tongue because I want to bury my fist into her face. I feel so .. STUPID because I am obviously making a mistake.. WHAT I have no clue.. the unit itself must be bad.. I..
*BEEP*
Bitch: YA SEE??!? It's $#@#ing doing it AGAIN!!!
Me:Yes ma'am.. I...
*BEEP*
Bitch:OHHHHHMUAYYGHOOOOOOUDDDD (think Ethyl Merman on Helium and Crack!) fixifixitfixitfixit!!!
Me:..wait.. now that it's doing it while I'm here..
Bitch: FIXIT! FIXIT! FIXIT! FIXIT NOWYOUMORON!
Me: ....
*beep*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
Me: Ma'am... I've found the problem...
Bitch: YOUSAIDTHATTHELASTTIME!!!
Me: Yes.. ma'am... it seems to be THIS smoke detector that's beeping..
Bitch: WELLWHYDON'TYOUFIXIT?!!??!?!
Me: Because you don't HAVE a smoke detector with us...
*********Tumbleweeds**********
She stammered for a second and I could BARELY contain myself. I (without breaking eye contact or looking away for a SECOND mind you) took her broom, poked the detector once and caught the damn thing one handed as it fell off it's cheap plastic housing.
Me: (With no facial expression whatsoever) I'm sorry Ma'am but this detector takes four double "A" batteries and I only stock 9 volts. It's company policy to not take batteries out of a nonalarm detector because of liability issues. Do YOU have some double "A" batteries??
Bitch: n-no.. I'll have to go out to the store...
Me: (*Takes batteries out of compartment.) HAVE. A. NICE. NIGHT....
The last thing that happened was something I relive EVERY time I deal with an unreasonable, loudmouthed sucky customer.
KARMA
You see, as unknowledgeable as this person was, there was no WAY they'd know about a basic design feature of all battery operated detectors. They have a capacitor that stores energy in case the battery dies, keeping it signalling to be changed long after the battery is drained.
I get into my work van, again shaking from the addrenaline and fatique. She sheepishly comes out of the door and waves goodbye. She's holding the battery-less smoke detector cradeled in her arms, obviously embarressed. She's got this thing crimped in her arms like it's going to leap out or something. Thusly, she is pressing the test button.
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
She SCREAMS blue bloody murder.
Her hands go FLYING upwards.
The detector lands on the ROOF!
I lose it. Collapsed laughing on the floor. Gasping. Pointing. The whole works. After I can breathe again, she is FURIOUS! Calls the boss, claims I "BOOBYTRAPPED" her.. yadda yadda yadda..
Now the Boss (who was my father) didn't like losing clients. At that point he really couldn't AFFORD it. But one thing you don't do is mess with his techs (Let alone MOI!!) I told him that I was sorry, that I'd made "a mistake" and then the Witch snatched the phone out of my hand and started hollering again. I then walked down the block and called him on my cell phone. I told him the ENTIRE story. He then simply said he'd "Handle it" and that I should get in the truck and not say another word to the woman.
The boss told her he'd chewed me out for "inappropriatte behaivior"..
And then sent her two seperate bills for EACH service call. He then took her to court when she didn't pay.. AND WON DAMAGES PLUS LEGAL COSTS!!!
You GOTTA love my dad..THEN he sent her a christmas card saying : "Remember to change your batteries!"
This woman had installed the alarm a year or so ago.. never used it. She get's all bent out of shape when it asks for batteries a year later (AT&T alarm.. dumbasses put a 9v battery in a wireless unit..) I have to come out, did NOT call the police, did NOT set the siren off, and that she could have stopped the beeping by pushing a button. This took FOUR TRIES to get her to semi-understand.
Needless to say, I was distressed when the service call came back a week later. I checked every last device.. TWICE.. no low batteries. Changed one just to shut her up. I get halfway home when my cellphone goes off. "Angry customer!" "Fix it N-O-W!!!" yadda yadda yadda...
*sigh*
Go back.
Physically meter each and EVERY new battery BEFORE putting them in.
Change EVERY battery and check it for signal.
TWICE!!
Anyone who has lived, visited or even HEARD of NYC rush hour traffic knows that I was NOT happy to be going home through Brooklyn to LI at 6:30 on a friday.
6:45 and this $@#@!! calls me DIRECTLY!!! cursing and screaming that the %#$#$ ing alarm is %%#$ing BEEPING AGAIN!! COME HERE AND TAKE IT OUT OF MY %#$#ing HOUSE!!!
Boss say's do whatever it takes to save the client.
Takes me an HOUR to fight my way back. No lunch, now no dinner. I'm physically shaking from hunger and addrenaline overuse. She lays into me like you wouldn't believe. I start to apologize, I bite my tongue because I want to bury my fist into her face. I feel so .. STUPID because I am obviously making a mistake.. WHAT I have no clue.. the unit itself must be bad.. I..
*BEEP*
Bitch: YA SEE??!? It's $#@#ing doing it AGAIN!!!
Me:Yes ma'am.. I...
*BEEP*
Bitch:OHHHHHMUAYYGHOOOOOOUDDDD (think Ethyl Merman on Helium and Crack!) fixifixitfixitfixit!!!
Me:..wait.. now that it's doing it while I'm here..
Bitch: FIXIT! FIXIT! FIXIT! FIXIT NOWYOUMORON!
Me: ....
*beep*
*BEEP*
*BEEP*
Me: Ma'am... I've found the problem...
Bitch: YOUSAIDTHATTHELASTTIME!!!
Me: Yes.. ma'am... it seems to be THIS smoke detector that's beeping..
Bitch: WELLWHYDON'TYOUFIXIT?!!??!?!
Me: Because you don't HAVE a smoke detector with us...
*********Tumbleweeds**********
She stammered for a second and I could BARELY contain myself. I (without breaking eye contact or looking away for a SECOND mind you) took her broom, poked the detector once and caught the damn thing one handed as it fell off it's cheap plastic housing.
Me: (With no facial expression whatsoever) I'm sorry Ma'am but this detector takes four double "A" batteries and I only stock 9 volts. It's company policy to not take batteries out of a nonalarm detector because of liability issues. Do YOU have some double "A" batteries??
Bitch: n-no.. I'll have to go out to the store...
Me: (*Takes batteries out of compartment.) HAVE. A. NICE. NIGHT....
The last thing that happened was something I relive EVERY time I deal with an unreasonable, loudmouthed sucky customer.
KARMA
You see, as unknowledgeable as this person was, there was no WAY they'd know about a basic design feature of all battery operated detectors. They have a capacitor that stores energy in case the battery dies, keeping it signalling to be changed long after the battery is drained.
I get into my work van, again shaking from the addrenaline and fatique. She sheepishly comes out of the door and waves goodbye. She's holding the battery-less smoke detector cradeled in her arms, obviously embarressed. She's got this thing crimped in her arms like it's going to leap out or something. Thusly, she is pressing the test button.
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
She SCREAMS blue bloody murder.
Her hands go FLYING upwards.
The detector lands on the ROOF!
I lose it. Collapsed laughing on the floor. Gasping. Pointing. The whole works. After I can breathe again, she is FURIOUS! Calls the boss, claims I "BOOBYTRAPPED" her.. yadda yadda yadda..
Now the Boss (who was my father) didn't like losing clients. At that point he really couldn't AFFORD it. But one thing you don't do is mess with his techs (Let alone MOI!!) I told him that I was sorry, that I'd made "a mistake" and then the Witch snatched the phone out of my hand and started hollering again. I then walked down the block and called him on my cell phone. I told him the ENTIRE story. He then simply said he'd "Handle it" and that I should get in the truck and not say another word to the woman.
The boss told her he'd chewed me out for "inappropriatte behaivior"..
And then sent her two seperate bills for EACH service call. He then took her to court when she didn't pay.. AND WON DAMAGES PLUS LEGAL COSTS!!!
You GOTTA love my dad..THEN he sent her a christmas card saying : "Remember to change your batteries!"
Look what you DIIIIID!! Now I'll have to walk to the store to get the AA batteries!" 
Brilliant!!!!!
with 
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