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Ah, the lovely month of May draws to a close soon, and so do the highlights it brought into my life. Behold:
Persistence Doesn't Always Pay Off
While leaving lot "A" that we tow from, I'm flagged down by a guy who's parked in lot "B" on the other side of the road, it's a lot we don't do, it belongs to "Other Guys Towing" and has signs saying such.
Guy - Will we get towed if we park here?
Me - I don't know Sir, that's not my lot
Guy - But we're just unloading the car, we won't be staying!
Me - That's not my lot Sir
Guy - We'll only be a few minutes!
Me - Sir, that is not my lot, I don't tow from there, I have no jurisdiction there, so I can't answer your question, you're talking to the wrong person.
Guy - But, what happens if we DO get towed?
Me - You'll probably have to pay $115 to get the car back, that's the standard rate in town
He parked there anyway. I have no idea what ever became of him. If he did get ticketed/towed, he probably tried to blame it on me somehow, because I didn't tell him he COULDN'T park there.
If so, I no doubt became "That Guy" in his story. You know, "That Guy" who said it was okay to illegally park? The one who tells half the folk I tow in that he'll give permission to them, even if it's not his lot? I've seen this performance from both sides of the stage before, I know how it always plays out...... and while it used to be a comedy, it's now just mostly tragic
Meter Moronity
Really? You pulled across 4 spaces, longways, with a car AND a small utility trailer, and didn't pay ANY of them? You're about as sharp as that guy who backed straight in to a spot, also with a trailer, so that his truck was standing out in the row, blocking any other car from getting past unless it were driven by a member of a traveling stunt show that could two-wheel it Dukes of Hazzard style through the gap. Or that guy who put his flashers on while perfectly straddling two parking stalls, exactly half in one, half in the other, without paying EITHER meter... and they WONDER why they get towed? Me, I'm wondering why the spell check is flagging "Moronity" as a misspelled word, it's just so awesome-sounding and concise, it SHOULD be a word! After this, I'm cancelling everything and calling the Daniel Webster estate!
Flasher, Flasher, Raging Teeth-Gnasher
Speaking of flasher-induced rage, I towed a car last Friday that had it's flashers on, but was parked in a clearly-marked private permit-only lot, sans le permit for, now get this, AN HOUR AND 25 MINUTES.
That's how long the lot owners let it sit before they decided he'd worn out his welcome and had him removed. He even got a little more time since it took a few extra minutes for me to get down there.
I must've hooked him as he was coming down the stairs, because he was pounding on the door up front before I had even finished unloading his car in the impound yard. I don't know exactly what kind, thoughtful and minty-fresh words he was using, but, if it's any indication, as I was bringing my paperwork up so he could get his car back, I caught the last part of the last sentence the Towing Manager was using on him, which was:
"Right now, you have two options, you go outside and take a 5 minute break and then come back in ready to behave, or I will call the police and have you removed from the property"
Why do I miss all the good parts?
BTW, he did go outside and cool down, so there will be no seeing this gentleman on a future episode of "Cops" with a blurred-out face as he ramps up a simple civil matter to felony assault. From what I gathered, he had tried unsuccessfully to argue his 4 way flashers were, in fact, "Free Parking Lights" and we had no right to tow him from that building, while hyperventilating and cursing quite a bit.
That argument went about as well as you'd expect.
And for further LOL'z (that's what the kids call them these days, right?) I ran his plate through the computer on a hunch and lo n' behold, we've towed him before..... last year....... from the exact same lot...... for doing the same thing......... isn't that the pure definition of insanity right there?
Minimum Effort, Maximum Fail
When your hang-from-the-rearview permit expires, you have to do a little wee more than just flip it around so the blank side faces out and the number side faces in if you want to hide the fact it expired on the 8th from me. You really also shouldn't have left your windows down so far that I could stick my whole melon inside and see for a fact that I wasn't imagining it, it really DID expire on 5/8/13... nearly 2 WEEKS ago. And then you had to go and ask why you got towed? To be fair, when told "you know why" , you agreed with us.
I'm Getting Good at This
Found another do-it-yourself souvenir hunter's handiwork today. Pulled into a lot near campus to check the cars for permits and noticed a stop sign with all of it's post, including the six or so inches that were clearly in the ground recently, yanked free and propped up against the door to the apartment.
A quick check of the back revealed the expected asset tag, proving it was, despite it's relocation, still property of the Borough
So I hauled it to my vehicle and drove it on over to the municipal building, and just happened to be pulling in as one of this town's finest was leaving, I flagged him down and explained what I'd found and he opened up the door to the police garage for me so we could put it someplace secure until the public works guys could come by to collect it.
Both the Officer and myself agreed that it was DEFINITELY more than a one-man job to liberate the darn thing, wherever it came from, and I got a nice thank-you to boot.
Sorry boys, but my taxes paid for part of that, you want one? Buy your own. That's the 4th liberated street sign I've returned to servitude in this manner on this job, and I have no illusions that it will be the last.
Along with that stolen "Speed Bump" sign I also stole back from outside a frat last week, that makes your score so far this year:
ARGABARGA: 2
VANDALS: 0
Now, your out-of-town scoreboard
VISIGOTHS: 14
HUNS: 38
GERMANI: 21
ROMANS: 0
UPPER WASSAMATTAWITCHEZ VALLEY: 21
BISHOP McWIMP: 3
Oops, that last one musta been a local HS football game, my bad.
Persistence Doesn't Always Pay Off
While leaving lot "A" that we tow from, I'm flagged down by a guy who's parked in lot "B" on the other side of the road, it's a lot we don't do, it belongs to "Other Guys Towing" and has signs saying such.
Guy - Will we get towed if we park here?
Me - I don't know Sir, that's not my lot
Guy - But we're just unloading the car, we won't be staying!
Me - That's not my lot Sir
Guy - We'll only be a few minutes!
Me - Sir, that is not my lot, I don't tow from there, I have no jurisdiction there, so I can't answer your question, you're talking to the wrong person.
Guy - But, what happens if we DO get towed?
Me - You'll probably have to pay $115 to get the car back, that's the standard rate in town
He parked there anyway. I have no idea what ever became of him. If he did get ticketed/towed, he probably tried to blame it on me somehow, because I didn't tell him he COULDN'T park there.
If so, I no doubt became "That Guy" in his story. You know, "That Guy" who said it was okay to illegally park? The one who tells half the folk I tow in that he'll give permission to them, even if it's not his lot? I've seen this performance from both sides of the stage before, I know how it always plays out...... and while it used to be a comedy, it's now just mostly tragic
Meter Moronity
Really? You pulled across 4 spaces, longways, with a car AND a small utility trailer, and didn't pay ANY of them? You're about as sharp as that guy who backed straight in to a spot, also with a trailer, so that his truck was standing out in the row, blocking any other car from getting past unless it were driven by a member of a traveling stunt show that could two-wheel it Dukes of Hazzard style through the gap. Or that guy who put his flashers on while perfectly straddling two parking stalls, exactly half in one, half in the other, without paying EITHER meter... and they WONDER why they get towed? Me, I'm wondering why the spell check is flagging "Moronity" as a misspelled word, it's just so awesome-sounding and concise, it SHOULD be a word! After this, I'm cancelling everything and calling the Daniel Webster estate!
Flasher, Flasher, Raging Teeth-Gnasher
Speaking of flasher-induced rage, I towed a car last Friday that had it's flashers on, but was parked in a clearly-marked private permit-only lot, sans le permit for, now get this, AN HOUR AND 25 MINUTES.
That's how long the lot owners let it sit before they decided he'd worn out his welcome and had him removed. He even got a little more time since it took a few extra minutes for me to get down there.
I must've hooked him as he was coming down the stairs, because he was pounding on the door up front before I had even finished unloading his car in the impound yard. I don't know exactly what kind, thoughtful and minty-fresh words he was using, but, if it's any indication, as I was bringing my paperwork up so he could get his car back, I caught the last part of the last sentence the Towing Manager was using on him, which was:
"Right now, you have two options, you go outside and take a 5 minute break and then come back in ready to behave, or I will call the police and have you removed from the property"
Why do I miss all the good parts?
BTW, he did go outside and cool down, so there will be no seeing this gentleman on a future episode of "Cops" with a blurred-out face as he ramps up a simple civil matter to felony assault. From what I gathered, he had tried unsuccessfully to argue his 4 way flashers were, in fact, "Free Parking Lights" and we had no right to tow him from that building, while hyperventilating and cursing quite a bit.
That argument went about as well as you'd expect.
And for further LOL'z (that's what the kids call them these days, right?) I ran his plate through the computer on a hunch and lo n' behold, we've towed him before..... last year....... from the exact same lot...... for doing the same thing......... isn't that the pure definition of insanity right there?
Minimum Effort, Maximum Fail
When your hang-from-the-rearview permit expires, you have to do a little wee more than just flip it around so the blank side faces out and the number side faces in if you want to hide the fact it expired on the 8th from me. You really also shouldn't have left your windows down so far that I could stick my whole melon inside and see for a fact that I wasn't imagining it, it really DID expire on 5/8/13... nearly 2 WEEKS ago. And then you had to go and ask why you got towed? To be fair, when told "you know why" , you agreed with us.
I'm Getting Good at This
Found another do-it-yourself souvenir hunter's handiwork today. Pulled into a lot near campus to check the cars for permits and noticed a stop sign with all of it's post, including the six or so inches that were clearly in the ground recently, yanked free and propped up against the door to the apartment.
A quick check of the back revealed the expected asset tag, proving it was, despite it's relocation, still property of the Borough
So I hauled it to my vehicle and drove it on over to the municipal building, and just happened to be pulling in as one of this town's finest was leaving, I flagged him down and explained what I'd found and he opened up the door to the police garage for me so we could put it someplace secure until the public works guys could come by to collect it.
Both the Officer and myself agreed that it was DEFINITELY more than a one-man job to liberate the darn thing, wherever it came from, and I got a nice thank-you to boot.
Sorry boys, but my taxes paid for part of that, you want one? Buy your own. That's the 4th liberated street sign I've returned to servitude in this manner on this job, and I have no illusions that it will be the last.
Along with that stolen "Speed Bump" sign I also stole back from outside a frat last week, that makes your score so far this year:
ARGABARGA: 2
VANDALS: 0
Now, your out-of-town scoreboard
VISIGOTHS: 14
HUNS: 38
GERMANI: 21
ROMANS: 0
UPPER WASSAMATTAWITCHEZ VALLEY: 21
BISHOP McWIMP: 3
Oops, that last one musta been a local HS football game, my bad.
) I love it..."free parking lights". He obviously did it again because he's convinced you are in the wrong. What an idiot.
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