Phrases that don't help

[mattm04]

Last week i got this funny message and not it doesn't work!!!!!!!! I neeeeeeeeddddd it to work nnnnnnnnnnnooooooowwwwwww!!!!!!!!!

[draggar]

"I tired to fix it myself"

No, this line is a big help. It lets you know you are going to need to clear out the rest of the day from your calendar.

[Setsunaela]

how about
"It had this box, and it said "yes" and "no" on the buttons, so I clicked one."
or
"When I did this one thing it did something weird but I don't know what I did"

[Hyndis]

I'm not in front of my computer right now....

[Der Cute]

Why can't you fix me now?

[crazylegs]

Why can't you fix me now?

Hand me a rusty spoon and a plastic sheet...

[Dreamstalker]

"It was working [some time in the past]!"

"I did something and now it won't work." (I can see that, what did you do?)

"My computer's [monitor brand, router brand, color, whatever tells me the least about it]."

"It's Windows Vista."

"This thing called "[antivirus]" has been popping up and I didn't want it up there so I deleted it. Is that a problem?" (depends on what you mean by "deleted" and how long it's been)

"What's a firewall?" (uh oh)

[tropicsgoddess]

"What's Internet Explorer?"

"I don't seee iiiitt!!!! Oh..there it is" (especially after giving very vivid descriptions as to where it is....I miss remote accessing customers computers)

Gaaaah...the joys of tech support.

[El Pollo Guerrera]

My boss uses this line a lot... When something comes up with an error message or doesn't work the way it should...

"Well, what did YOU do wrong?"

What I did wrong was follow the steps that YOU told me in an exact and precise order, instead of following MY natural inclination not to do so.

Also, when a customer brings in a file to print and I ask what program they used to create it (just in case, sometimes when we open a file and it's not the same program or version, the formatting changes... we try to avoid that...)...

"It's in Windows."
"It's in Vista."
"It's in XP."
"I used a Dell."

[EricKei]

"Desktop? What's that?"

"OK, I'll go get more RAM so I have more space to store my documents"

"How do I backup my file?"

"I got <error code indicative of extensive data corruption>, but I kept on working in the file....When did I get it? A week ago or so...It only shows up when I try to access Payroll data, so I just didn't go into payroll until today. I need to cut everybody's checks, they're due out in two hours" <me> ... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH --- This goes hand in hand with the one immediately preceding. Bonus points if the error first appeared SIX MONTHS AGO (this happened recently) and has been ignored since then because it doesn't show up every time somebody logs in.

[sms001]

"My friend gave me a program that..."

"A coworker downloaded something that..."

"My son knows all about computers and he said...."

(Done to death, but easily my least favorite.) "A message popped up that said something about something so I clicked OK....."


I'd like to think it was just the ID-ten-TSes, but there are threads here about the same behavior in car owners, shampoo users, frozen food eaters, etc. etc. etc.

[Eric the Grey]

"I forgot my password and cannot log on."

((this from someone working for a company that has a dozen different systems that could require a login)).



Eric the Grey

[cactus]

"Desktop? What's that?"

On that note... "Desktop? But I have a laptop?!!!"

[lordlundar]

On that note... "Desktop? But I have a laptop?!!!"

probably the same type of person who puts t right on their lap and burns themselves.

[Akasa]

"Yes, the router has lights on."(Which lights? What color?)
"Dial tone? How should I know if I have dial tone?"(From my days of DSL tech support where no dial tone = no internet.)