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I'm at my wits end...please help :(

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  • #31
    Set a date for him to come over and pick his shit up. "If your shit isn't gone by March 31, it will be tossed/considered abandoned". If/when he decides to come by, cop or sheriff is required. Set a day time, stuff like Fri thru Sun, 9am to 5pm, between now and Mar 31. Snail mail w/ certified. This guy is fucking nuts.
    Your doors/windows/all that crap is changed, and the PPO is ready. Good.
    when my ex and I went through the custody crap, we had to really remember: What is best for the child. If there is abuse involved, it may be best to have supervised or NO visitation at all. Or really limited. If a DV is in order, may need some counseling/classes before being deemed able to visit. This stuff varies by state, and it was a class we both had to take, explaining a lot of these things you don't anticipate. School years? Summer? Going out of state? Child support? Birthdays? Going to camp in the summer? Vacations? All that shit, I didn't realize how much there was to think about.

    For now, protection: park car in well lit area, if you feel followed, go into a business; put your keys between your fingers, poking out, in case you need to gouge someone.

    Let's all hope he trips himself up and gets put in jail. That would be a relief for everyone.
    In my heart, in my soul, I'm a woman for rock & roll.
    She's as fast as slugs on barbituates.

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    • #32
      The "get your shit off our property" notice is actually a very good idea.

      Check your local laws. From what I understand, most places have a requirement that you send a registered letter, after receipt of which the notified party gets 30 days to collect their shit or it becomes the property of the people who own the land.

      But don't take my word for it. Not only am I not a lawyer, but I'm not even in the same state.

      ^-.-^
      Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

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      • #33
        Quoth yeahwhatev View Post
        One idea is to find out what the wire-tapping laws are in your area and record all contact. He's just proven that he is willing to lie and bad at it. If you have immediate proof of lies, he gets shut down.
        Can't do that in our state.

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        • #34
          Quoth Kisa View Post
          It's good to know I'm not alone in this. I'm trying to be the strong one in this situation and keep everyone focused and calm, but I'm just as scared as they are...
          Sadly, Kisa, you are far, far, far from alone in this.

          It's good that the family has someone willing to be strong. But don't be so strong you snap - find someone physically close to you to give you a place to cry and a shoulder to cry on.
          You mentioned excellent policing in your area: that suggests that there's almost certainly a victims of crime group, and quite possibly a victims of domestic abuse group. The police will know who they are.
          Either type of group is likely to be able to recommend counsellors; whether you're after one to help you heal, or one to simply provide emotional support. Some counsellors work on a sliding 'what you can afford' scale.
          Also, both types of group contain people who've been there, done that. Suffered through it, come out the other side.

          Some people find their best help, in a situation like this, to come from someone with the technical skills of a counsellor. Others, from someone who's BTDT. Yet others, a mix of both.

          We are MORE than happy to listen, be here when you need to rant or cry, and some of ours who've suffered the same thing have probably already PMed you - or will do so.
          But my electronic Zen-hugs aren't a proper substitute for a physical shoulder to cry on.
          Seshat's self-help guide:
          1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
          2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
          3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
          4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

          "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

          Comment


          • #35
            ah. michigan makes a big difference when it comes to security then.


            I'm glad you were able to get legal help for this. And would also recommend reviewing MI's self-defense laws.

            Comment


            • #36
              Quoth yeahwhatev View Post
              One idea is to find out what the wire-tapping laws are in your area and record all contact. He's just proven that he is willing to lie and bad at it. If you have immediate proof of lies, he gets shut down.
              Shame this may be a non-starter. That sort of thing can come in very handy. How about refusing to pick up the phone and letting all his calls go to an answering machine or voicemail?

              Quoth Der Cute View Post
              Set a date for him to come over and pick his shit up. "If your shit isn't gone by March 31, it will be tossed/considered abandoned". If/when he decides to come by, cop or sheriff is required. Set a day time, stuff like Fri thru Sun, 9am to 5pm, between now and Mar 31. Snail mail w/ certified. This guy is fucking nuts.
              *snip*
              Another great idea! You probably should get legal advice on how to go about this, but definitely worth looking into. It gives him one less excuse to be hanging around.

              He definitely sounded pretty ranty in the court session. Here's hoping the officials see him for what he is.

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              • #37
                Quoth Pixilated View Post
                Shame this may be a non-starter. That sort of thing can come in very handy. How about refusing to pick up the phone and letting all his calls go to an answering machine or voicemail?

                He definitely sounded pretty ranty in the court session. Here's hoping the officials see him for what he is.
                You know voicemail might be a great option. Besides, with the PPO he's not suppose to call anyway, no?

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                • #38
                  Update:

                  Today he hurled into another emotonal rollercoaster like episode in text form. Months after my mom kicked him out, a male coworker of her's admitted his feelings for her, so they went on a date. One led to another and so on. He's a really nice guy and we all really like him. Apparently, my 6 year old brother did the typical 6 year old thing and mentioned to Steve that "mom's friend came over and brought me candy". So he blew up her phone with calls and texts saying she is a horrible person who is warping their son, she's a bad example and a bad mother, et cetera et cetera.

                  Later, when he came to drop off my brother from skating, he told us that he will "definetly be coming to the court on Tuesday". Tuesday is the PPO hearing which my mother and I are both going to..... I'm literally hysterical. Shaking, crying, the whole 9 yards.

                  The biggest problem is that he is a sociopath. Sociopaths have no conscience, no emotion. They can lie, cheat, steal, even physically harm others with no regret or remorse. They can, however, fake emotion very well and lie very well. I'm scared that he will lie his way out of this and maybe even do more damage. He stopped seeing his therapist before she could confirm the diagnosis so we have no concrete proof of this.

                  We would like to get supervised visitation, immediate scheduled visitation, and the PPO. We do not have a lawyer and cannot afford one. Any ideas?
                  Answers: $1
                  Correct Answers: $2
                  Answers that require thought: $5
                  Dumb looks are still free.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Use those texts as proof of his being unstable/abusive.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      She has texts saved and pulled the phone records and I'm going with her to confirm her side of the story. I'm worried it won't be enough and then I'll be a target too....
                      Answers: $1
                      Correct Answers: $2
                      Answers that require thought: $5
                      Dumb looks are still free.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Do you qualify for legal aid? Or how about a paralegal?

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          http://www.womenslaw.org/

                          http://www.probono.net/dv/

                          http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/

                          this counts as domestic violence. You should also be able to contact the court assistant/secretary/clerk's office and request information for pro bono, legal aid, legal services for DV victims. That DV shit is so fuckin common these people have lists and lists of resources. (shame it has to exist in the first place). Start here now. Shit, open your CITY's webpage and state webpage, that will help. Pro Bono. Legal Aid. Legal Advocate. Legal Assistance. Restraining Order. PPO. Some of the key words to search with and look for.
                          In my heart, in my soul, I'm a woman for rock & roll.
                          She's as fast as slugs on barbituates.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            The police either for your location or at the nearest larger-police-station location will have an officer (or more) who specialises in domestic violence cases.

                            This officer will know every lawyer in town who does pro bono, sliding scale, legal aid, charity etc cases.

                            For professional reasons, she or he probably can't just give you a piece of paper with a list of them and their contact details. However, they CAN tell you how to find out who does it. They CAN provide you with the contact details for support groups and shelters who will ALSO have that information.

                            And they CAN tell you what evidence to collect and keep, and how to protect the evidence, and which evidence the police can keep safe for you.


                            As for your - perfectly valid - concern about you becoming a target too: well, it's a decision only you can make. I would support such a decision either way - there's no good answers here, only bad and bad.
                            Protecting yourself from a sociopath is rough. I'm sorry.
                            Seshat's self-help guide:
                            1. Would you rather be right, or get the result you want?
                            2. If you're consistently getting results you don't want, change what you do.
                            3. Deal with the situation you have now, however it occurred.
                            4. Accept the consequences of your decisions.

                            "All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools." - Anders, Dragon Age.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              I kinda blew the don't-be-a-target plan. Today, he was calling and texting my mom like crazy. She was a complete wreck. Then at bedtime, my brother didn't want to talk to him so Steve started blowing up both house and cell phones. finally, my mom told my brother to talk to him for a minute so he will stop calling. He started badgering my 6-year old brother demanding to know why he didn't want to talk, doesn't he love him, is mom telling him things, is mom telling him not to talk to him. I lost it...completely. I screamed "screw you, I'm sick of you doing this to us". I don't remember saying it. Mom told me I did. Then my legs gave out and I started sobbing and shaking hysterically. I porbably scared my brother who has never seen me angry. Tuesday should be fun...

                              I'm considering filing a police report and visiting a center for abused women to get advice on what to do.
                              Answers: $1
                              Correct Answers: $2
                              Answers that require thought: $5
                              Dumb looks are still free.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Hope your mom has kept copies of those texts, and also that at least some of his verbal messages went to voicemail or an answering machine and are still there ... They could make Tuesday really fun for him.

                                Absolutely file that police report AND visit the women's centre for advice. They can help you and your mom deal with these calls without giving him what he wants (in this case, it was apparently to harass and terrorize your younger brother). They may also be able to point you in the direction of a lawyer.

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