Used to, I was not at all interested in fashion. This was mainly because I worked nights in a factory where, no matter how hard you try, you just can't accessorize steel-toed boots -- and when you sleep during the day you're never out where you can see what people are wearing. However, ever since I quit my job to go back to school, I'm surrounded by some 8,000 fellow students all wearing the very latest styles. I've realized there are some things other people are wearing that I really enjoy seeing, and other things I really don't. And here they are...
Let's start on a positive note. Here are the things I think look great:
1 -- fashion scarves/chunky necklaces -- Unfortunately, modern life affords only very rare opportunities to really decorate yourself and not look like an absolute asshole. However, with the advent of the chunky necklace and the fashion scarf, you can really show off a burst of personality without looking like a douchebag. Ladies look awesome in chunky necklaces, and men and women both look great wearing interesting scarves.
2 -- houndstooth -- Seems a very popular look for ladies' coats and skirts this year. Adds a touch of jet age glamor, and I like seeing it.
3 -- Betty Page bangs -- See above. Just old-fashioned enough to look retro, without looking silly.
On a more negative note, here are things that look awful:
1 -- sagging pants -- Let me first say that there is nothing I enjoy more than a black man's ass, and I'm thrilled that so many young, good-looking black men (and more than a few white ones) want to show me their asses. However, I find that all this does is shake the bottle, so to speak, and I've never been a bottle shaker. I prefer to pop the cork, and so I find it very frustrating to see all this ass walking around, guarded from the world by only a thin layer or two of boxer shorts. But then you have to consider the type of guy who walks around with his ass to the world. Sagging pants tend to belong to a very specific demographic, and after giving it some thought, I finally realized what sagging pants are all about: It's much easier to sag one's pants than it is to go to the trouble of wearing, wherever you go, a shoulder-mounted flashing neon sign that reads "DIPSHIT." I've concluded this because I can't see any good reason to waddle around the way you have to when your pants are halfway down your thighs.
2 -- skinny jeans -- Much in the same vein, literally, as sagging pants, I've found I'm not at all fond of the Hipster Deep-Vein Thrombosis Do-It-Yourself Kit. I would, however, love to conduct a scientific experiment wherein I took one of the pants-saggers and put them in skinny jeans. Why? Because I've noticed that no matter how perfectly-sculpted your ass may be, when you put on a pair of skinny jeans their space-age technology immediately gives you the deflated-whooppee-cushion ass of an old man who used to be very fat but is no longer. No one escapes. Skinny jeans exist to give the most unflattering silhouette possible to your lower body, and like I said, it doesn't matter how nice your ass is -- skinny jeans can de-assify anyone.
3 -- Ugg boots -- Thankfully this trend has not yet spread to men, but I expect it to any time. It's the skinny jeans equivalent for a woman's feet. It doesn't matter how lovely your feet or how shapely your ankles -- put on a pair of these and instantly you have badly-drawn cartoon character paws. It's very sad.
4 -- Pajamas in public -- especially if they're flannel. Bonus points if they're emblazoned with a licensed cartoon character such as Hello Kitty. Extra bonus points if you're a guy wearing Hello Kitty pajama bottoms in math class.
All in all, it's not that fine a line to walk between looking like a productive human being, and looking like the college students of Wal-Mart. I prefer the former to the latter.
Let's start on a positive note. Here are the things I think look great:
1 -- fashion scarves/chunky necklaces -- Unfortunately, modern life affords only very rare opportunities to really decorate yourself and not look like an absolute asshole. However, with the advent of the chunky necklace and the fashion scarf, you can really show off a burst of personality without looking like a douchebag. Ladies look awesome in chunky necklaces, and men and women both look great wearing interesting scarves.
2 -- houndstooth -- Seems a very popular look for ladies' coats and skirts this year. Adds a touch of jet age glamor, and I like seeing it.
3 -- Betty Page bangs -- See above. Just old-fashioned enough to look retro, without looking silly.
On a more negative note, here are things that look awful:
1 -- sagging pants -- Let me first say that there is nothing I enjoy more than a black man's ass, and I'm thrilled that so many young, good-looking black men (and more than a few white ones) want to show me their asses. However, I find that all this does is shake the bottle, so to speak, and I've never been a bottle shaker. I prefer to pop the cork, and so I find it very frustrating to see all this ass walking around, guarded from the world by only a thin layer or two of boxer shorts. But then you have to consider the type of guy who walks around with his ass to the world. Sagging pants tend to belong to a very specific demographic, and after giving it some thought, I finally realized what sagging pants are all about: It's much easier to sag one's pants than it is to go to the trouble of wearing, wherever you go, a shoulder-mounted flashing neon sign that reads "DIPSHIT." I've concluded this because I can't see any good reason to waddle around the way you have to when your pants are halfway down your thighs.
2 -- skinny jeans -- Much in the same vein, literally, as sagging pants, I've found I'm not at all fond of the Hipster Deep-Vein Thrombosis Do-It-Yourself Kit. I would, however, love to conduct a scientific experiment wherein I took one of the pants-saggers and put them in skinny jeans. Why? Because I've noticed that no matter how perfectly-sculpted your ass may be, when you put on a pair of skinny jeans their space-age technology immediately gives you the deflated-whooppee-cushion ass of an old man who used to be very fat but is no longer. No one escapes. Skinny jeans exist to give the most unflattering silhouette possible to your lower body, and like I said, it doesn't matter how nice your ass is -- skinny jeans can de-assify anyone.
3 -- Ugg boots -- Thankfully this trend has not yet spread to men, but I expect it to any time. It's the skinny jeans equivalent for a woman's feet. It doesn't matter how lovely your feet or how shapely your ankles -- put on a pair of these and instantly you have badly-drawn cartoon character paws. It's very sad.
4 -- Pajamas in public -- especially if they're flannel. Bonus points if they're emblazoned with a licensed cartoon character such as Hello Kitty. Extra bonus points if you're a guy wearing Hello Kitty pajama bottoms in math class.
All in all, it's not that fine a line to walk between looking like a productive human being, and looking like the college students of Wal-Mart. I prefer the former to the latter.
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