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Wal-Mart really does have everything!

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  • Wal-Mart really does have everything!

    One day, while in line at the company cafeteria, Joe told his friend Mike behind him "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess maybe I should see a doctor about it."

    "You don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike said. "There's this diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. You give it a urine sample and it tells you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. Much cheaper than a doctor."

    So Joe deposited a urine sample in a small jar and took it to Wal-Mart. He deposited his ten dollars and the computer lit up and asked for the urine sample. He poured it into the slot and waited.

    Ten seconds later the computer ejected a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."

    That evening at dinner, while thinking about how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. He took this to Wal-Mart, poured the concoction into the slot, deposited ten dollars, and waited.

    The computer printed out the following:
    • Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener (Aisle 9)
    • Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo (Aisle 7)
    • Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab
    • Your wife is pregnant with twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer
    • If you don't stop playing with yourself, your tennis elbow will never get better

    Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.
    Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

    "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

  • #2
    Ouch.
    "We were put on this Earth to fart around, and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise." -Kurt Vonnegut

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    • #3
      You might wish to amend that joke... Ringworm is a fungal disease that rests on the skin. You wouldn't be able to test it through a stool sample. Roundworm you can, or tapeworm, or something like that, but not ringworm.
      Jim: Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Gallactica.
      Dwight: Bears don't eat bee... Hey! What are you doing?
      The Office

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      • #4
        Quoth Shabo View Post
        Ringworm is a fungal disease that rests on the skin. You wouldn't be able to test it through a stool sample.
        The machine is that good...

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