Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[catcul]

If I go to a certain burger place for lunch, I am not allowed to say, "I was just serviced by Five Guys."

not when you still have little mayo on your chin.

No, you say "I just did Five Guys for lunch" instead.

I did leave satisfied.

[WishfulSpirit]

Things I am not allowed to do at my hotel:

• Go hide in the maintenance office during the 3pm rush
• Ask Dorothy* the laundry lady if she wants to trade jobs when I get tired of people (she doesn't know how to do front desk, I don't know how to do hotel laundry, tragic hilarity would ensue if we tried)
• Give annoying guests directions to go the wrong way (though I can "forget" to mention how expensive parking downtown is, or that I know how to get there via train)
• Cry when my beloved GM announces he got promoted and will be leaving our location (crying at work is unprofessional...sobbing my eyes out at home is my own business, however)
• Protest mopping of the lobby at 8am during the breakfast rush by "accidentally" slipping
• Curse in Quena, even though the odds are very low that anyone will understand me (and that particular version of Elvish doesn't really have too many curse words anyway...Tolkien was Catholic)

*Not real name

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Don't refer to bags of candy clearance-priced at 10 cents apiece as dime bags.

[WishfulSpirit]

Irv, marijuana is legal where I live, and we have MJ tourists. There's an adapter that goes with the vaporizers they use so they can use oil cartridges. The little hemp bag it comes in has a patch on it that actually says "dime bag." Oy.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Taken-down endcaps get "killed," not "whacked."

[Aria]

I'm not allowed to pose my company branded, stuffed toys in sexual poses around my cube.

Apparently, it's been done too many times before and is no longer funny. I was amused...

[Teysa]

I'm not allowed to put vodka in my water bottle.

[Teysa]

I'm not allowed to put no camping signs on the tables. I'm not allowed to put a your mother doesn't work here sign either.

[Racket_Man]

I'm not allowed to put no camping signs on the tables. I'm not allowed to put a your mother doesn't work here sign either.

and that is just for your fellow employees??????

[Aria]

When a door to door call comes in, five minutes before close, with an hour of work I MUST complete before I'm allowed to escape, thus giving me overtime I don't want... I'm not allowed to ask what I did to deserve this.

I am still allowed to think it though.

[taxguykarl]

When a door to door call comes in, five minutes before close, with an hour of work I MUST complete before I'm allowed to escape

I have to complete a return even if they arrive one minute before closing. IOW, I feel your pain Aria.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

No rick-rolling the swamp in honor of my manager, or playing this song also in honor of my manager:

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I AGREE

Why yes, I am a horrible person.

[BrenDAnn]

No, C and I can't throw the rolls of chew at Manager on truck day. No, it doesn't matter how many she sets on the counter to be put away ,or if she finds more later in the totes she's unpacking. (Yes, we jokingly threatened this. Truck day is fun where I work!)

[BrenDAnn]

We are not allowed to write curse words on signs telling coworkers not to put stuff on certain shelves, or not to open flats of energy drink when there is already a shelf full of them. Damn---er---darn it!

[Becks]

A mix from both jobs...

I am not allowed to sell condoms from my personal supply to customers.
I am not allowed to refer to the roast beef as roast beast.
I am not allowed to make my younger coworkers cry.
I am not allowed to say "Thank you for choosing {day job}, wouldn't you rather go to {any other competitor}, instead?" while working DT.
Or while working counter.
I am not allowed to ask former regulars who are making a comeback if there were in jail. (turns out most of them were...not all at the same time or for the same reasons, and I didn't actually know that they were)
I am not allowed to bribe the assistant manager to stock bananas.
I am not allowed to call lazy and/or annoying coworkers by less than nice nicknames, even if my other coworkers think they're hilarious...and that they know exactly who I'm talking about the very first time I refer to them by said nicknames.
I am not allowed to tell customers that I cannot sell them alcohol after {certain time} because it then becomes my personal stash.
I am not allowed to answer with "pizza" or "cheesecake" when a customer asks me to recommend something at the day job.
I am not allowed to say that anything tastes better than God's sweat.
I am not allowed to correct people in a condescending manner when they refer to red ranch as ****** sauce when placing their order.
I am not allowed to give customers the number for people with gambling problems if I think they're buying too many scratch offs.
I am not allowed to tell people that I only buy my smokey treats at the night job if I'm desperate because the prices suck.
I am not allowed to inform customers that menthols "will kill you".
I am not allowed to threaten/promise to take whatever piece of equipment that chooses not to work properly and chuck it off the overpass.
I am not allowed to tell people to "get the hell out of my DT" if they spend a long time trying to decide what they want and there's a line of cars behind them.
I am not allowed to try to convince customers that today's my first day when they see me working there a lot and never mind the fact that both name tags say what year I started working for the companies.