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Are you really that f*cking dumb?

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  • Are you really that f*cking dumb?

    This one comes courtesy of the studio I do aerial hoop (lyra) at. At the end of every term, they do a student showcase at the studio. Participation in said showcase is optional and you have to register for this. (There is partially a practical reason for this as you'll see below)

    The studio itself is also really nice, inside and out. Part of the reason behind it is that the owner has a thing for vintage and pinup and she's also huge on creating a "safe" space where people can go and feel sexy for even just an hour.

    For their showcase, there are a series of guidelines that you need to read beforehand and acknowledge that you have done so. Those guidelines include among other things that you need to remain sober before your performance (they cater for the showcase), you need to arrive with hair and makeup already done and you aren't to interact with the staff members outside of their scope (eg the person on the bar cannot stop to take photos of you). Well, those guidelines have now changed slightly due to the following incidents that occurred during the previous showcase:

    - Someone spilled spirit gum on the carpet in the changeroom and didn't inform anyone. (Spirit gum was used to stick pasties on)

    - Various spillages of food, drink and makeup across the backstage area.

    - Someone left a hair straightener on which burnt a hole in the vintage carpet they had.

    - Quite a few students wound up drinking alcohol BEFORE they were due to perform. It is extremely dangerous to be doing pole or lyra while under the influence (burlesque still has the danger of kicking/hitting someone), but these guys took it further by getting guests to give them alcohol or hassling the bar person. (A lot of the students were also involved in multiple routines)

    - Showing up injured or sick without medical clearance to perform. (eg applying heat/ice or strapping on the night) The issue in this case wasn't the fact that they were applying heat/ice, it was more the fact that they were doing it without providing evidence that they were clear to perform and the studio was concerned about liability.

    - Bringing a separate bag for every single costume they were going to be wearing on the night and hogging all the space in the change rooms. To clarify on this one, the studio sets guidelines each term for the costume to wear for the student showcase and leaves it up to everyone to purchase their own (allowing for budget, size etc.). The guidelines are based on your level for each class and are literally either a colour/print (eg black or leopard print, whether that's a bodysuit, leotard, bra and panties or a unitard is up to you) or theme (eg lace, fringing, leather) - that's it. Some people however, if they had multiple routines, were bringing up to four different outfits in, each in their own bag, PLUS shoes (lyra students either go barefoot or wear ballet flats, pole students may or may not wear stripper heels or heels in general while burlesque students typically wear dancer heels). Apparently the idea of packing smart didn't occur to them.

    - Pre-show, there was also apparently an argument about allocations for the lyra hoops and the poles for each show (everyone gets allocated a pole or hoop for their routine on the night, particularly because you may not be performing with your classmates - you are told of this in advance). My guess is that they weren't pissy about the size of the hoop (if that's what happened), but rather they took offence to where it was located (that is, they weren't front and centre). Now you have to give your height on the registration form and the staff make the call on where you go.

    So because of all of that, the rules are now:

    - Zero-tolerance on alcohol period and no food backstage (diabetics/folks with low blood sugar are exempt)

    - The only makeup/accessory items you can bring are a makeup compact, lipstick, bobby pins, hair elastic, hair ribbons/scarves, carpet tape (for pasties), pole grip, roll on deodorant, roll on perfume and they are only for touch-ups: emphasising the "You must arrive with hair/makeup already done," bit. These must all be in a zip-lock bag and will be subject to examination upon arrival. Any other makeup/hair products aside from those above get chucked out.

    - You also cannot go in and watch your friends perform until you've finished completely for the night - you can only go in during interval.

  • #2
    Now as to the multiple-bags thing, I can understand this from a logistics standpoint. The entire set is in the bag. Start at the top and keep putting stuff on until bag empty. Perform. Grab bag B, repeat.

    Of course, this is a whole lot friendlier with small bags, and not great honking duffel bags, which I'm guessing were the thing to bring.

    The booze... I can see a small shot to loosen up some, an no more. Of course, we don't do just one small one, or it wouldn't be on this site.

    The backstage messes... that's just SC stupidity. *Checks name of site again* Oh, hey, that's why we come here.

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    • #3
      I firmly believe that this is how a lot of annoying laws and policies are made. Because someone couldn't just USE COMMON SENSE, now everyone has to obey the absolute strictest of behavior guidelines...
      “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged.
      One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world.
      The other, of course, involves orcs." -- John Rogers

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      • #4
        Quoth Nunavut Pants View Post
        I firmly believe that this is how a lot of annoying laws and policies are made. Because someone couldn't just USE COMMON SENSE, now everyone has to obey the absolute strictest of behavior guidelines...
        Yeah, once upon a time at the fabric store if a customer went and paid for their fabric, and it was slow, they could come back and use a table over to the side and cut their fabric with our scissors. It wasn't a big deal, but it was nice and most were really happy and didn't get in the employees way.

        Of course, at some store somebody probably cut themselves (or maybe the legal team decided to preemptively stop the practice?) and after that, we weren't allowed to let a customer touch scissors, no matter what. If you've worked with the public long enough, you're probably thinking "duh, don't give the public sharp implements!" Of course, you're right that in this day and age it's asking for a lawsuit. But really, come on, we're talking scissors. Those things you learn to use in elementary school.
        Replace anger management with stupidity management.

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        • #5
          Quoth Nunavut Pants View Post
          Because someone couldn't just USE COMMON SENSE, now everyone has to obey the absolute strictest of behavior guidelines...
          I have said for decades now that there is an idiot, a lawsuit, and an army of lawyers behind every warning label and caution in a manual.

          Do we *need* to be warned that a curling iron is for external use only and not to stick it in various bodily orifices while in the bathtub?

          B
          "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."- Albert Einstein.
          I never knew how happy paint could make people until I started selling it.

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          • #6
            I'm just remembering time spent as moderation on certain voice channels. If we spent the time and put up rules for... everything, we'd get some little dumbass come in and find holes in the rules and start crap... again. At one point, I put up a "Rules made simple: Don't be an asshat" Short, simple, and kept enforcement easy. Troublemakers get booted without having to quote some rule and have some dumb argument over rules.

            Sadly, for legal purposes... even putting simple warning labels on stuff just doesn't cut it in the courts. And specific rules/warnings only cover that one thing, so the idiots will find some very closely related sin to commit.

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            • #7
              Quoth Buzzard View Post
              Of course, this is a whole lot friendlier with small bags, and not great honking duffel bags, which I'm guessing were the thing to bring.

              The booze... I can see a small shot to loosen up some, an no more. Of course, we don't do just one small one, or it wouldn't be on this site.
              Correct. The description I had was along the lines of multiple garment bags plus large duffle bags. The general consensus now is to wear your costume for your first performance underneath, come with your pasties already stuck on if possible and pack/prepare smarter.

              The studio I'm at also offers pole and burlesque classes and they also have classes in lyra which are more choreography-based and the routine for THAT class is often done in the stripper heels (given that the heels are 5+ inches, this is why I don't do it!). With that in mind, you do not need separate pairs of stripper heels for a pole routine, burlesque routine and that lyra routine. -_-

              As for the booze to loosen up, performing in these showcases is entirely optional and they do discuss strategies to combat stage fright. During the last week, they also do a "dry run" of sorts for each class (even if you're not performing in the showcase), where if two classes are running at the same time, they'll take turns watching each other perform so you get used to performing in front of an audience.

              Quoth Buzzard View Post
              Sadly, for legal purposes... even putting simple warning labels on stuff just doesn't cut it in the courts. And specific rules/warnings only cover that one thing, so the idiots will find some very closely related sin to commit.
              There's a reason why "dumb laws" and "obvious rule patches" are a thing.

              Quoth Bandit View Post
              Do we *need* to be warned that a curling iron is for external use only and not to stick it in various bodily orifices while in the bathtub?
              My favourite "dumb label" on an item was on a mini keg dispensing system (look up Tap King if you're curious) - "Do not iron or tumble dry."

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth Nunavut Pants View Post
                I firmly believe that this is how a lot of annoying laws and policies are made. Because someone couldn't just USE COMMON SENSE, now everyone has to obey the absolute strictest of behavior guidelines...
                "Common" sense is now so rare it could be a super-power. Not as sexy as, say, flying or invisibility, but a super-power nevertheless.

                Quoth Bandit View Post
                Do we *need* to be warned that a curling iron is for external use only and not to stick it in various bodily orifices while in the bathtub?
                Especially when it's hot
                Last edited by greyblade23; 10-09-2018, 09:35 PM. Reason: combine replies

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                • #9
                  Yeah cause it just makes logical sense to stop a running chain saw with your crotch.
                  I'm lost without a paddle and headed up SH*T creek.
                  -- Life Sucks Then You Die.


                  "I'll believe corp. are people when Texas executes one."

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                  • #10
                    Last time I was looking at handguns, they all had big red stickers that said "WARNING!!! Operation could cause serious injury or death." Isn't that what handguns are made to do?

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                    • #11
                      Quoth Slave to the Phone View Post
                      Last time I was looking at handguns, they all had big red stickers that said "WARNING!!! Operation could cause serious injury or death." Isn't that what handguns are made to do?
                      Yes, that is what they are made to do. But your have to remember that the answer to the question in the thread title is all too often "yes."
                      "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

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                      • #12
                        Quoth Slave to the Phone View Post
                        Last time I was looking at handguns, they all had big red stickers that said "WARNING!!! Operation could cause serious injury or death." Isn't that what handguns are made to do?
                        Same principle as labeleing a bag of peanuts "CAUTION: May contain peanuts!"

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth Slave to the Phone View Post
                          ... big red stickers that said "WARNING!!! Operation could cause serious injury or death." ...
                          Can we get this tattooed on genitals?
                          I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                          Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                          Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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                          • #14
                            Quoth dalesys View Post
                            Can we get this tattooed on genitals?
                            Perhaps on the side opposite "Welcome Aboard"?
                            "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              "Rules made simple: Don't be an asshat"
                              That pretty much sums up our rules here (or, as Raps put it, "Don't be a dick.") ^_^
                              "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                              "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                              "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                              "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                              "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
                              "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
                              Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
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