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Week three of my tales from the crypt laundromat. Not too bad this weekend. More funny than anything else.
From earlier tonight...
Mama’s boy pwned a little old lady.
The way the Laundromat is set up, unless you’re at the front of the place, you can’t see the two payphones. (see the crude illustration below that I did in MS Paint) In the store (is a Laundromat a store??? It has to be. It’s way easier and quicker to type) at the time were a woman about my age, (mid 50's - 60) a 35-ish year old woman with her near 10 year old daughter and a younger-still mom with her maybe 8 year old daughter. I was in the office and did not see SPD come in though it was about to become very apparent that he was there. There were at least 6 washers, including 1 of the noisy, high capacity washers along with a couple dryers and both televisions running and yet I heard him like he was in the office with me.
ME: Mild-mannered newbie Laundromat flunky
SPD: Sucky Phone Dude (maybe 25yo)
EC: Eldest Customer and someone I remember from my grocery store days.
SPD: (on payphone, yelling, speech slightly slurred at 4:45 in the afternoon) I DON’T GIVE A F**K! GET YOUR LAZY F**KING ASS UP OFF THE COUCH AND GET DOWN HERE AND PICK ME UP!
I grab the cordless phone and start walking toward the yelling. At this point, the two children who were sitting in the seats nearest the front door, get up and go to their respective mothers.
SPD: I DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE MILKING THE MOTHER F**KING DOG, I SAID COME GET ME! IT’S TOO DAMN COLD TO WALK. I’M AT THE LAUNDROMAT.
(It was about 20°. SPD was in a hooded, heavy flannel coat and jeans, the poor widdle baby)
ME: Sir, we have children in here. Lower your voice and watch the language.
SPD: F**K YOU TUBBY. GO MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. (Yes he called me Tubby. Mad flashbacks to middle school.)
ME: If you don’t cut the cussing and lower your voice, you’re going to have to leave. If not, I’m calling the police. (I show him the phone)
SPD: CALL THE DAMN COPS, SEE IF I GIVE A FLYING F**K. (The newest WWE Signature move???)
EC: (who had walked from the large washers) Jeff Cargill! (name changed to protect the stupid) You hang that phone up and walk home or I’m going to tell your mother how you’re acting!
SPD doesn’t say another word, hangs up the phone, hangs down his head and walks out.
As we were walking toward the back...
ME: I guess you know him pretty well?
EC: He’s my neighbor’s son. I’ve known him since the day he was born. Normally he’s pretty decent, but when he’s been drinking he can be a real pain. He only lives a few blocks down the street.
ME: I guess he’s afraid of his mom?
EC: Even guys your size are. She used to be a state police officer and teaches self-defense classes at the YMCA here and in (small city about 20 miles away).
I know the woman and EC is right. SPD is wiser than he looked.
Minor annoyances this weekend...
Even though we have ample seating (See illustration above) and those pesky unseen signs state not to, I had to tell a couple of college-aged young ladies to not sit on the washing machines. Of course the "gentleman" in me would have waited until it finished had the washer gotten to the spin cycle.
Yet another lady who hadn’t inserted enough quarters into the slot on a washer and swore the machine was broken.
Revelations from the boss
Owner tells me about the guy who drove his jeep over the curb and parked next to the door Wednesday afternoon, thus saving himself the 75 foot walk into the store. Owner also relates what the police fined him for doing so. (@ $2.50 per foot {$195.00} and 3 points on his license) The moral of the story is don’t drive your Jeep over the curb within sight of the police station, especially at shift change.
Have a great weekend and week folks. I'm gonna sit back and enjoy a couple cold ones.
From earlier tonight...
Mama’s boy pwned a little old lady.
The way the Laundromat is set up, unless you’re at the front of the place, you can’t see the two payphones. (see the crude illustration below that I did in MS Paint) In the store (is a Laundromat a store??? It has to be. It’s way easier and quicker to type) at the time were a woman about my age, (mid 50's - 60) a 35-ish year old woman with her near 10 year old daughter and a younger-still mom with her maybe 8 year old daughter. I was in the office and did not see SPD come in though it was about to become very apparent that he was there. There were at least 6 washers, including 1 of the noisy, high capacity washers along with a couple dryers and both televisions running and yet I heard him like he was in the office with me.
ME: Mild-mannered newbie Laundromat flunky
SPD: Sucky Phone Dude (maybe 25yo)
EC: Eldest Customer and someone I remember from my grocery store days.
SPD: (on payphone, yelling, speech slightly slurred at 4:45 in the afternoon) I DON’T GIVE A F**K! GET YOUR LAZY F**KING ASS UP OFF THE COUCH AND GET DOWN HERE AND PICK ME UP!
I grab the cordless phone and start walking toward the yelling. At this point, the two children who were sitting in the seats nearest the front door, get up and go to their respective mothers.
SPD: I DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE MILKING THE MOTHER F**KING DOG, I SAID COME GET ME! IT’S TOO DAMN COLD TO WALK. I’M AT THE LAUNDROMAT.
(It was about 20°. SPD was in a hooded, heavy flannel coat and jeans, the poor widdle baby)
ME: Sir, we have children in here. Lower your voice and watch the language.
SPD: F**K YOU TUBBY. GO MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. (Yes he called me Tubby. Mad flashbacks to middle school.)
ME: If you don’t cut the cussing and lower your voice, you’re going to have to leave. If not, I’m calling the police. (I show him the phone)
SPD: CALL THE DAMN COPS, SEE IF I GIVE A FLYING F**K. (The newest WWE Signature move???)
EC: (who had walked from the large washers) Jeff Cargill! (name changed to protect the stupid) You hang that phone up and walk home or I’m going to tell your mother how you’re acting!
SPD doesn’t say another word, hangs up the phone, hangs down his head and walks out.
As we were walking toward the back...
ME: I guess you know him pretty well?
EC: He’s my neighbor’s son. I’ve known him since the day he was born. Normally he’s pretty decent, but when he’s been drinking he can be a real pain. He only lives a few blocks down the street.
ME: I guess he’s afraid of his mom?
EC: Even guys your size are. She used to be a state police officer and teaches self-defense classes at the YMCA here and in (small city about 20 miles away).
I know the woman and EC is right. SPD is wiser than he looked.
Minor annoyances this weekend...
Even though we have ample seating (See illustration above) and those pesky unseen signs state not to, I had to tell a couple of college-aged young ladies to not sit on the washing machines. Of course the "gentleman" in me would have waited until it finished had the washer gotten to the spin cycle.
Yet another lady who hadn’t inserted enough quarters into the slot on a washer and swore the machine was broken.
Revelations from the boss
Owner tells me about the guy who drove his jeep over the curb and parked next to the door Wednesday afternoon, thus saving himself the 75 foot walk into the store. Owner also relates what the police fined him for doing so. (@ $2.50 per foot {$195.00} and 3 points on his license) The moral of the story is don’t drive your Jeep over the curb within sight of the police station, especially at shift change.
Have a great weekend and week folks. I'm gonna sit back and enjoy a couple cold ones.
I AM the evil bastard!
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