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Here's a few from the craziness that is my job.. 
SC: Obvious.
Me:
CW: Coworker!
Eh, sonny?
This lady had called in to get more time to pay her bill, which was fine, but in her state we can only give more time past the disconnection date if we take a post dated electronic check for the full balance on the account. This enables us to press the point of "yes, you must pay your bill because you owe that money". I had taken the payment for about $157 and was wrapping up the call...
SC: Okay, so that was for $82.71, the past due balance, right?
Me: (after having stated first that she would need to pay the full balance before I set up the arrangement, then stating the balance AS I set it up, then stating after I got a confirmation number as well and what date it was for!) Um.. no, it was for the balance in full, $157.
SC: Oh, okay. $82.71 then...
Me: ... no, the FULL balance, like I said.
SC: .... $82.71...?
Me: No. The. Full. Balance. (argh!)
SC: Oh, the FULL balance. $157. Right. Ok thanks...
Just go sit in the corner for time out.
When is a phone not a phone...
Me: (blahblah, greeting, acct number, etc) And if you could verify your phone number for me?
SC: Oh, I'm not sure what you have, I have a new cell phone.
Me: Okay, give me your old number then to verify it and if I have that one still I can change it.
SC: (gives old number)
Me: Yes, I do have that one still. I'll change it for you though, what's your new phone number?
SC: I don't have a phone anymore.
Me:
You said you had a new phone though?
SC: No, I don't have a phone.
Me: .... ?
SC: ...
Me: So you don't want a phone number on your account? I can just remove the old one...
SC: Yeah, take that one off, I'll give you my cell phone number instead.
Me:
You fail, little fish. Back in the pool.
Coworker's call, not mine...
SC: I'm getting new service, and I was told I have to pay a security deposit to start it up.
CW: Yes, I do see that on the pending account...
SC: So... if I pay that, do I have to pay my bills?
CW: ...
Um. Yeah...?
SC: Oh.
Nono, you can just pay your security deposit, and never ever have to pay us again for any electric you use. Sure.
... and that's my final answer!
Another Coworker's call.. but it was more a combination of him and the customer being sucky. This is the same coworker I have that is blunt as a rock with customers though, so usually it works out well.
Apparently when a SC asked to talk to a supervisor or someone who could "give them a different answer" because they wanted their electric back on NOW and wanted to know what time we would be out there... and we have no way of knowing that information... this happened.
CW: There ain't no supervisors in the building right now. (lie!)
SC: But I need an answer, and you're not giving me one!
CW: I did give you an answer ma'am, and my answer is the final answer.
SC: *hangs up*
Two seconds later, same guy gets the SAME WOMAN!
CW: (does his greeting)
SC: I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU, YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE! *hangs up*
---
That's all for now, but I'm making a habit of writing them down so I can remember to post.
SC: Obvious.
Me:
CW: Coworker!
Eh, sonny?
This lady had called in to get more time to pay her bill, which was fine, but in her state we can only give more time past the disconnection date if we take a post dated electronic check for the full balance on the account. This enables us to press the point of "yes, you must pay your bill because you owe that money". I had taken the payment for about $157 and was wrapping up the call...
SC: Okay, so that was for $82.71, the past due balance, right?
Me: (after having stated first that she would need to pay the full balance before I set up the arrangement, then stating the balance AS I set it up, then stating after I got a confirmation number as well and what date it was for!) Um.. no, it was for the balance in full, $157.
SC: Oh, okay. $82.71 then...
Me: ... no, the FULL balance, like I said.
SC: .... $82.71...?
Me: No. The. Full. Balance. (argh!)
SC: Oh, the FULL balance. $157. Right. Ok thanks...
Just go sit in the corner for time out.
When is a phone not a phone...
Me: (blahblah, greeting, acct number, etc) And if you could verify your phone number for me?
SC: Oh, I'm not sure what you have, I have a new cell phone.
Me: Okay, give me your old number then to verify it and if I have that one still I can change it.
SC: (gives old number)
Me: Yes, I do have that one still. I'll change it for you though, what's your new phone number?
SC: I don't have a phone anymore.
Me:
You said you had a new phone though?SC: No, I don't have a phone.
Me: .... ?
SC: ...
Me: So you don't want a phone number on your account? I can just remove the old one...
SC: Yeah, take that one off, I'll give you my cell phone number instead.
Me:
You fail, little fish. Back in the pool.
Coworker's call, not mine...
SC: I'm getting new service, and I was told I have to pay a security deposit to start it up.
CW: Yes, I do see that on the pending account...
SC: So... if I pay that, do I have to pay my bills?
CW: ...
Um. Yeah...?SC: Oh.
Nono, you can just pay your security deposit, and never ever have to pay us again for any electric you use. Sure.
... and that's my final answer!
Another Coworker's call.. but it was more a combination of him and the customer being sucky. This is the same coworker I have that is blunt as a rock with customers though, so usually it works out well.
Apparently when a SC asked to talk to a supervisor or someone who could "give them a different answer" because they wanted their electric back on NOW and wanted to know what time we would be out there... and we have no way of knowing that information... this happened.
CW: There ain't no supervisors in the building right now. (lie!
)SC: But I need an answer, and you're not giving me one!
CW: I did give you an answer ma'am, and my answer is the final answer.
SC: *hangs up*
Two seconds later, same guy gets the SAME WOMAN!
CW: (does his greeting)
SC: I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU, YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE! *hangs up*
---
That's all for now, but I'm making a habit of writing them down so I can remember to post.
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