No, it's not us

[JoitheArtist]

Bit of backstory: the org I work for is a very popular women's org. Sadly, this means our standard colors and themes (the sort that can't be copyrighted) have been copied ad nauseam by other companies wanting to make a buck of our members. There are several big offenders: let's call my org the Green Bonnet Group. These others call themselves things like Green Bonnets 4 You, Green Bonnet Boutique, etc.

So we tend to get calls like the following:

Scenario #1:

CSR: Hello, GBG Online store, how can I help you?

SC: Yes, I want to order this item.

CSR: Do you have the item number?

SC: Yes, it's xxx-xx.

CSR: That doesn't sound like one of our style numbers, can you describe the item to me?

SC: *describes item*

CSR: I don't believe we have anything like that, where are you seeing it?

SC: It's on page 32 of your catalogue.

CSR: Ma'am, we don't put out a full-sized catalog. What does it say on the front?

SC: Green Bonnet Boutique! See, it's yours?

CSR: *headdesk*




Scenario #2--less frequent than scenario 1, but still happens with some regularity(this one was my personal fav, probably because I wasn't the one who took the call!):

CSR: Thank you for calling the online store, how can I help you?

SC: You people overcharged me!

CSR: Ok, I can help you with that, do you have your order number?

SC: Yes, it's xxx.

CSR: That's not one of our order numbers; let me get your name and look it up that way.

SC: *gives name*

CSR: No, I don't show any orders from you.

SC: But it's on my billing statement, Green Bonnets 4 You, $xx.xx.

CSR: Green Bonnets 4 You? That's not us ma'am, that's a completely seperate company.

SC: No it's not! You're the Green Bonnet Group, this is you!

CSR: No, ma'am, they gave themselves a similar name to try to get some of our business, but it's not us.

SC: Yes it is!

CSR: No, ma'am, it's not. We have nothing to do with them!

*lather, rinse, repeat for about 10 minutes*

SC: I can't believe this! I'm never ordering from you again! *click*

CSR: WTF? You never ordered from us in the first place, lady!

[Apathy]

SC: I can't believe this! I'm never ordering from you again! *click*

Feel free, moron.
Another idiot impervious to logic.

[Aethian]

*snickers* So about this order I had wth you...

[Tito]

SC: I can't believe this! I'm never ordering from you again! *click*

You've lost something you never had to begin with. Whatever will you do?

I feel your pain. Our company (who has since modified their name, thank god!) used to have the same name as an insurance company down South. When I have to cover the switchboard, I would get calls for that company all the time. Most of the time, people were okay when told they have the wrong company, but once in awhile, we would get people like that lady....

[Stormraven]

My first reaction was "Thanks, we'd prefer that you not do business with Green Bonnets 4 U, since they aren't us."

[JustADude]

CSR: No, ma'am, they gave themselves a similar name to try to get some of our business, but it's not us.

SC: Yes it is!

CSR: No, ma'am, it's not. We have nothing to do with them!

*lather, rinse, repeat for about 10 minutes*

SC: I can't believe this! I'm never ordering from you again! *click*

You know, I've found that a certain tone of scathing intellectual superiority, letting them know without words that you find them to be moronic beyond belief, tends to cut the cycle short. I'm all about customer service when I'm on the clock, but they're going to leave in a huff anyway, so at this point it's best to just try to get them off the phone.