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Based on a True Story*

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  • Based on a True Story*

    *some details may have been enhanced for a more dramatic telling

    A stormy afternoon, wind howls, lightning flashes, rain deluges down outside the library*. The doors slam open, in comes the patron, bedraggled from the long journey from their vehicle to the counter. Slowly the patron approaches as he recovers from his ordeal. As he reaches my station three books are removed from his pouch** and were pounded onto the counter before me.

    "Attend! Attend, I say ye desk person! Not but a week past did I borrow these tomes from thy library, here is my card which shall prove my tale, and now I return to this place in dire need!" Lightning flashes. "My family calls for me in a land far from here and I must make the lengthy journey hence. The stars hath finally aligned and now 'tis the only time I may make the sojourn. Alas, the due date for these items shall expire before my trip is done and I do not wish to provoke the wrath of thy establishment. I need you to do the thing that extends the date on which I must return these works, even though the machine doth not permit me to do it when I hath more than a week remaining on the items."

    Me: "Okay, I did the thing."

    "Ye must understand! It is of vital importance that you do the thing! I shall be undertaking a great journey wherein I shall have to face uncountable dangers at terrible peril to my person! I shall cross great deserts! Ascend tall mountains! Ford raging rivers! I must insist you do the thing!"

    Me: "I already did the thing, you're set."

    "I will almost certainly meet my end in this journey! Even now my wife weeps for me, so certain is she of my eventual fate! My children have already mourned my passing! I shall go from here to sacrifice a virgin at Jupiter's altar*** for only by the blessings of the gods will I survive this ordeal! Take mercy upon a lost soul and do the-- I'm sorry what did you say?"

    Me: "I took care of it five minutes ago, here's a reminder slip for the new due date. Have a good day!"

    "Ah, uh very well then." And with this the patron exits the library.


    Look, just because what's happening on your side is a production, it doesn't mean that my side has to be one too.

    *It was actually sunny, pretty nice day all told.
    **to the best of my memory he did not actually have a pouch
    *** No virgins were harmed in the making of this post

  • #2
    But for you, it was Tuesday?
    Meeeeoooow.....
    Still missing you, Plaid

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    • #3
      I love you and want to have your babies RIGHT NOW!!!

      (Being a cultist, I especially loved the part where "The stars hath finally aligned")

      Personally, I just renew my books online, but if I could see that sort of drama at the library, I'd spend a whole lot more time there.

      Comment


      • #4
        SttP: Methinks that yon brave Adventurer's quandary had to do with Master Computer's vexing him at such a turn...In other words, it wouldn't allow him to extend the due date, as it wasn't close enough to the current date.
        "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
        "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
        "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
        "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
        "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
        "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
        Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
        "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

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        • #5
          Quoth EricKei View Post
          SttP: Methinks that yon brave Adventurer's quandary had to do with Master Computer's vexing him at such a turn...
          This line of thinking is commie mutant traitor thinking. Your Friend The Computer hereby orders you to the disintegration chamber.
          PWNADE(TM) - Serve up a glass today! | PWNZER - An act of pwnage so awesome, it's like the victim got hit by a tank.

          There are only Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because I choose to walk!

          Comment


          • #6
            Hm...Somehow i doubt you have the Ultraviolet clearance needed to know that, friend. Your identification badge there clearly shows you as a Red -- but with some Yellow on it. That's above your pay grade, Friend, and that is, of course, the mark of a true commie mutant traitor. I'm going to have to escort you downtown for summary execution. Come along, then.
            "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
            "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
            "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
            "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
            "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
            "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
            Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
            "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

            Comment


            • #7
              I believe you hath hereby earned the coveted "Totally Hilarious and Well-Written CS Tale" Award from this august establishment.

              Cookies!!!!
              When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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