Proof we are the sitcom channel of the gods.

[The Scaly Bard]

My ship-out date was pushed back a month, so I still work at the convenience store. A few gems from today.

No Purchase, No Cry- er, Change
Guy comes up waving a twenty, wanting change.

Guy: "Hey man, I need four fives." *Slaps the bill on the counter*
Me: "Sorry, can't open the drawer without a sale. Store policy."
Guy: "Oh, come on man, help me out there. I need those fives! You can't open it if you had to drop cash or anything?"
Me: "I could, yes."
Guy *grinning triumpantly*: "So you can open it? Great! I just need four fi-"
Me *smiling back*: "Not gonna do it though."
Guy: "Why not?! You just said you could!"
Me: "With a purchase, yes. Store policy."

He ended up buying a dollar lottery ticket, and wouldn't you know, only had two fives in the drawer. *We ALWAYS run short on fives during the weekend, without fail.*


Back up, or lose your hand
Jackass who frequents the store comes in. No one likes him, I tolerate him long as he behaves... which ironically enough, is usually when I'm working. Apparently I have the "Will slit your throat with a paper clip and drink your blood while howling at the moon" aura at work.

Goober: "Smokes." *God, I hate this game, but I'm so good at it. The irony.*
Me *leaning against the register being bored*: "Fine, pack of Capris." *Goes to grab a pack*
Goober: "No! I don't want that fag shit man, it's too damn expensive!"
Me: "I've warned you about saying 'fag' in the store. Last warning. Now, you gonna tell me what you want, or should I pick the next most expensive brand?" *edges hand towards the Mistys*
Goober *scowling*: "Shit man, gimme packa Mustangs!" *thinks for a moment, I can hear the gears squealing* "Uh... regulars."
Me *ringing up a pack*: "Three ninety-seven. Cash or plastic?"
Goober flicks his card at me. Classy guy, no?
I scan his card and wait to see if it goes through this time. While waiting, I see him reaching across the counter for the smokes still in my hand.
Me: "You into pain?"
Goober: "Huh?" *Hand stops moving.*
Me: "I asked, are you into pain? Because if you try and take these smokes from my hand, you will lose your hand in the process. At the shoulder. Think about it."
Goober decided it was better to wait for his card to clear than try and take the smokes.

There were a few others, but I forget what they are. I'll post them when I remember.

[BookstoreEscapee]

God what is wrong with people. Why do they have to make a regular transaction so damn difficult?

[blas]

Posts like these bring back the memories.....a simple transaction involving cigarettes or lottery tickets can ultimately turn into a game of fricken Mountain Climber on the Price is Right!

Remember "the game", as I always called it? Customers playing stupid games over cigarettes.

Yet I remember customers ALWAYS in such a hurry. If you are so cramped for time, why are you taking 10 minutes making me run back and forth for one fucking pack of smokes?

Oh and the touching!!! You are much braver than I.

[rerant]

I almost always take my cigarettes off the counter before my debit clears, but to my credit I
a) always make sure I can AFFORD them
b) 9/10 times buy my cigarettes at one of two regular stores, so they know me well at both places.

[Killer Bees]

If you're lucky he might smoke himself to death and then you'll be free of him

[MrSunshineState]

I almost always take my cigarettes off the counter before my debit clears, but to my credit I
a) always make sure I can AFFORD them
b) 9/10 times buy my cigarettes at one of two regular stores, so they know me well at both places.

Yeah, but I'd bet you've never removed them from a clerk's hand while they are waiting for the transaction to clear which is what the SC did

[Andara Bledin]

If you're lucky he might smoke himself to death and then you'll be free of him

Unfortunately, not as likely as some would like the public to think. He'll be one of those tough old goats that lasts till he's 90.

There was some study done on old people to find out what they had in common. The only factor that was consistant between all of them was that none of them had out-of-control diabetes. High blood sugar kills more surely than any other health problem or risk out there.

^-.-^

[Sliceanddice]

Back up, or lose your hand
Jackass who frequents the store comes in. No one likes him, I tolerate him long as he behaves... which ironically enough, is usually when I'm working. Apparently I have the "Will slit your throat with a paper clip and drink your blood while howling at the moon" aura at work.

Goober: "Smokes." *God, I hate this game, but I'm so good at it. The irony.*
Me *leaning against the register being bored*: "Fine, pack of Capris." *Goes to grab a pack*
Goober: "No! I don't want that fag shit man, it's too damn expensive!"
Me: "I've warned you about saying 'fag' in the store. Last warning. Now, you gonna tell me what you want, or should I pick the next most expensive brand?" *edges hand towards the Mistys*
Goober *scowling*: "Shit man, gimme packa Mustangs!" *thinks for a moment, I can hear the gears squealing* "Uh... regulars."
Me *ringing up a pack*: "Three ninety-seven. Cash or plastic?"
Goober flicks his card at me. Classy guy, no?
I scan his card and wait to see if it goes through this time. While waiting, I see him reaching across the counter for the smokes still in my hand.
Me: "You into pain?"
Goober: "Huh?" *Hand stops moving.*
Me: "I asked, are you into pain? Because if you try and take these smokes from my hand, you will lose your hand in the process. At the shoulder. Think about it."
Goober decided it was better to wait for his card to clear than try and take the smokes.

There were a few others, but I forget what they are. I'll post them when I remember.

*stares in awe* i dont know if your male or female but right now im imagining you in a black vinal pants and vest with a whip and a spiked paddle... good god that was freaking awesome.

[Brightglaive]

I scan his card and wait to see if it goes through this time. While waiting, I see him reaching across the counter for the smokes still in my hand.
Me: "You into pain?"
Goober: "Huh?" *Hand stops moving.*
Me: "I asked, are you into pain? Because if you try and take these smokes from my hand, you will lose your hand in the process. At the shoulder. Think about it."
Goober decided it was better to wait for his card to clear than try and take the smokes.

Reminds me of detective Del Spooner in I, Robot (Will Smith) after one of the guards in the elevator grips Spooner's shoulder,

"So what hospital are you going to? I'll meet you there and sign you and your buddies' casts. "