It's always good to see a parent who you know parents

[Saydrah]

Life is not about extremes. Normal parents have reactions that lie between the two extremes of backhanding a kid to the floor, and attacking the nasty store that apprehended widdle precious.

I think the father's extreme over-reaction is probably a good clue to why the kid has gone off the rails. If he behaves like that in public, what on earth is he like at home? Come to that, i wonder what happens to mum when she burns his breakfast toast...?

This. Remember that "Children Learn What They Live" poster?

[olstar18]

Question for everyone that thinks the father went to far. In what way is a single backhand going to far in this situation. Now had he followed it up with more blows I would agree but it was just the one and the kid kinda deserved it.

[Geek King]

This. Remember that "Children Learn What They Live" poster?

I'm not fully on this boat. I've know a kid or two that came out absolute bastards in a home that didn't believe in punishment past a good talking to. You can get mean kids from a non-beating home too. Can a bad home cause behavior like that? Sure it can. But it can come from other places too.

I think we agree that the backhand seems a bit much, but we don't know the whole situation. It's also possible that dad had finally HAD ENOUGH of Juniors antics and decided to stop trying to be "best buddy dad." I've seen that happen too. What if the kid was smacking his mom/siblings around at home? I wouldn't be opposed to an authority checking into the home life of other siblings in this case, assuming the cop didn't already have an idea of what was going on.

[zzapp the witch]

I have a T-shirt with the caption: My parents beat me and I turned out fine. I wear it proudly (to my mother's horror). There are times when a backhanding is in order. That was one of them. I have two rules for spanking in my house, they're my dad's rules, and they work very well: No hurting each other or other people, and no lying (covers stealing, omitting information, etc). Those are the only two things my kids get spanked for, and you know what? Its a very, very, rare occasion that they even get a swat, I talk to my kids about everything, we communicate.....but yeah, if that were my son, I'd be knocking his butt to the ground, too. (And seriously taking into account what kind of kids he was hanging out with).

[rerant]

Knowing me, I probably would've knifed him emotionally ... "How would you like it if some coward shoved your mother around, eh? You tried to steal, so now you suffer the consequences. You will get no help from us on this one. You were man enough to try to steal and hit this woman, I guess you're man enough to deal with this situation. Don't expect visits while you're in jail. I hope you get a good public defender. And, I hope they give you bus money when they release you because we're not going to pick you up, either. I love you son, but you need to learn. Watch yourself in jail and I'll see you when you're finally let home."

I totally agree with this, and it's exactly what I would do too.
A guilt trip can go a long way, and while the sting in his face will go away, living with the knowledge that he did something so deplorable and no one was willing to defend him would last a lot longer.

[draftermatt]

I got spanked, never hit on the face, or anywhere other than my backside (and my mother used a wooden spoon so it would hurt more) but if I had done that I think I would have gladly taken jail time since my mother would have killed me, my father too probably.

Personally I don't think it's ever right to smack a kid in the face, but if the kid is a teenager and thinks abuse is fun, well then....

Though it really bothers me to read that people think the father must beat the mother. My father never once laid a hand on my mother, but if I desereved a whooping I got one.

[Saydrah]

I don't believe in hitting kids, at all, but I don't think SOME physical punishment for a small child, say, a brief spanking, is out of line. By the time the kid is a teenager, knocking him down isn't going to teach him anything except that you should hit people when you're angry with them.

I'm not a parent, but if it was an it was my kid, a stony-faced, "I'm very disappointed in you, son," and then refusing to speak to him while telling the police to go ahead and take him to the detention center would be my response. Most teenagers misbehave at least partly because they want attention, and withdrawing all attention and allowing him to face his consequences would hurt- and TEACH- more than hitting.

[Brightglaive]

I would have to say a smack in the head would be appropriate. But a backhand? that's a mite bit excessive.

I had a friend whose Dad was similar to this. His Dad never hit them but was not adverse to spanking. One day my friend mouthed off to his mom. Dad immediately escorted him out to the woodshed and promptly took a four foot long 2X4 to his butt. When he was through, my friend could literally not sit down. He lay in the woodshed for close to 2 hours before he could get up to walk into the house. He related this story to me many YEARS after the fact with quite a bit of bitterness and anger. But he learned his lesson. You DON'T disrespect women or your mother. (This was downright physical abuse by his father... but I was in no position to do anything about it many years after the fact and not being witness to the beating in question.)

The question is "when is it considered physical abuse?"

My mother and father worried about this too. They worked out a good medium though. We never got more swats than we were years old. If you were 6 years old and you had done something that merited a spanking you got six spanks with a switch (small stick, NOT a 2X4). The spanks after 8 years old (9th spank and above) tended to be a little harder as we knew what was right and what was wrong.

Now that I am a parent I can see there are other (better) ways of handling situations with your children that don't necessarily include hitting or spanking them. After dressing the kid down about hitting a female I think Saydrah's solution would've been best.

If I was the policeman I might be a little worried. Seeing that the kid's first reaction was semi-violent and then seeing the Dad's reaction to the kid's assault on the OP (who is female). It does seem that dad may have an anger problem and it could be his kid is acting out because of it.......OR it could just be that the kid is a bonehead hanging out with the wrong kinds of friends.

In either case...there were probably better ways to handle this than backhanding the kid. I did like the "you're going to juvi for what you did...." That was probably the best punishment. But if the kid is a victim of abuse it will just enforce the behaviour of seeking a solution through violence.

My father-in-law has a saying, "Boiling water softens the carrots but hardens the eggs." Hopefully the kid is still malleable enough that this will be wakeup call. If he's been too hardened by abuse, it will only harden him further.

I have a T-shirt with the caption: My parents beat me and I turned out fine. I wear it proudly (to my mother's horror).

My parents beat me too and I also turned out fine. LOL

[Andara Bledin]

I wonder what it says about me that the thing I wonder the most at this point is when the whole mantra of "never hit a woman" crosses over from being chivalrous to being sexist... I've known quite a few women who could have used a smack or two (women who would physically abuse their partners because they knew said partner would blindly follow that mantra no matter the reality of the situation).

Either way, I think the dad has some major anger management issues.

First, he comes in yelling about the store holding his kid.

Then, when he gets told by the cops why the store is holding his kid, he does a comlete 180 and goes off on the kid, instead.

As for the abuse line? My mom always figured that as soon as you started using a weapon (belt, spoon, switch, etc), you'd crossed the line.

^-.-^

[blas]

Yet another reason it's easier to raise kittahs and puppays.

[Crazeyal]

Keeping it light and in GENERAL reply...

Actions have consequences. "Stealing from a store" is grounding, denial of priveleges and possibly more. "Looking tough with THA BOYZ" means you don't see THA BOYZ no more. Adding "assault on a woman" to all That deserves a strong reaction. If it were my son.. He'd be living in a TENT for a month... and if I'd had the self control to not knock him on the floor in front of an officer.. The little POS would have gotten ten times worse later!

I applaud this man's reaction. Hopefully the kid caught the message.

[Brightglaive]

As for the abuse line? My mom always figured that as soon as you started using a weapon (belt, spoon, switch, etc), you'd crossed the line.

^-.-^

A spoon is only a weapon in the hands of your average free person if it's dull and used to cut hearts out... "cause it will HURT more!!"



But seriously, a weapon is something that would cause grievous bodily harm, not temporary discomfort. If it's leaving bruises or cuts or other serious damage, that's a weapon.

[fish3k1]

I'm not averse to smacking a misbehaving child, but slamming one to the ground is different. My parents used to give me a smack when I was young if I was playing up, but by the time I was a teenager they stopped. I don't see how it would have helped me for that matter. Admittedly I wasn't such a shit as this kid, but if I was I kinda think being smacked like that by my dad would have sent me further into rebellion and bad behaviour. When I was old enough that my parents stopped smacking me (and it was only ever a short sharp slap, enough to sting, never to bruise) they found much more effective methods of discipline. Emotional punishment was the order of the day. Many a trip down Guilt Alley for me.

And honestly, I don't believe this was a 'last straw' situation for the father, seeing as his first reaction was one of anger (although not violence) to the store. Nor do I think he hits his wife, considering that was apparently what stirred him to violence against his son. I think the guy has serious anger issues, and his son is either following suit or just looking for attention. 'Course, this is all speculation, because I know nothing about the family's home life.

[BlaqueKatt]

Clearly, their "parenting" hasn't worked before, so why should anyone expect it to now?

and clearly you have never seen a good parent with a total screw-up for a kid-wish I lived in that world

[karath]

I think I have to agree with the parent here. My folks also "beat" me and my brother for a long time (we were monsters for most of our childhood; rest assured, we deserved it), and the physical part of our punishment always stuck with us the longest. We've turned out fine, so far anyways

Both my sibling and I were getting slapped when we were 18 when we ran over the line with a semi-truck (so to speak); in light of the entire situation, I would say that backhanding the lad was justified.

Actually, I think that when the father first arrived, he may have been in SC mode about how someone could have arrested his "snowflake," and was already pretty pissed off when he found out the whole situation. Just my on his actions there; though this is, of course, pure speculation. And Allegra, thanks for the great story!