Some tales from the bars,or Where's The Chicken Wire?

[Frantic Freddie]

Quick holiday story....

I pretty much quit playin' New Years when I realized I hadn't had one off for about 15 years,the pay wasn't gettin' any better & I was tired of workin' while everybody else had fun,so I just priced myself out of the market.

So a few years ago I get a call 2 days before New Years,this guy's obviously young & very excited about havin' a New Years gig:

"Hi,the music store gave me your number & we really need a drummer for New Years in the South Valley,we're gettin' real good money!"

So I ask,intrigued "What's good money?"

"$75 a man!"

Folks,this is not good money for the biggest night of the year,'specially if I have to drive an hour to get there.

"That's not really enough money to get me off the mountain"

"Well how much do you need?" knowin' full well he's gonna offer to kick in another $25

"$1500"

"....................."

"Well thanks for callin' guy,good luck on findin' a drummer & Happy New Year!"

[Seshat]

Then I hear 2 guys clapping & yelling,then out of the gloom they come holding a pitcher of beer with my stick in it!!!

I was stage band at my school musical.

The female lead had a 'stripping' scene. (It was 'Calamity Jane', for those interested. And no, she only stripped down to underwear made for the purpose. Very G rated.)


So. Opening night. Everyone there. Teachers, friends, family. Up comes the stripping scene. She kicks off her shoe.

It goes over her head.

It sails backwards.

Towards a borrowed crystal punch bowl.

And lands neatly inside the punch bowl. No sound of chipping, the punch bowl seems entire. The shoe even sits nicely and artistically arranged - upright - inside it.


Calamity takes a moment, then declaims "That was a perfectly good shoe!"
... and then returns to the scene as if nothing had happened.

[Antisocial_Worker]

So. Opening night. Everyone there. Teachers, friends, family. Up comes the stripping scene. She kicks off her shoe.

It goes over her head.

It sails backwards.

Towards a borrowed crystal punch bowl.

And lands neatly inside the punch bowl. No sound of chipping, the punch bowl seems entire. The shoe even sits nicely and artistically arranged - upright - inside it.


Calamity takes a moment, then declaims "That was a perfectly good shoe!"
... and then returns to the scene as if nothing had happened.

I saw a drag show once where the performer did a high kick, and a shoe came off...

...And went straight up and snagged in a crystal chandelier.

Turns out to be extremely amusing to watch someone try to dance wearing only one high-heeled shoe, get frustrated and kick the other damn thing off too.

[Frantic Freddie]

Another one from the past....

We got hired at a new bar in Gallup,Friday & Saturday with rooms & $xxx.Kinda sleazy lookin',but it's Gallup,we know how it goes.We get there,set up & turn on the amps & PA.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ......"WTF IS THAT?!?!"

Horrible 60-cycle hum from everything & we can't figure out what the problem is,all our stuff's pretty new & top-notch,so we know that ain't it.

About 10:00,an hour after we were supposed to start,the bar manager (not the owner) shows up & says "You guys are supposed to plug in around the corner,not in those." Grumbling,we dig out extension cords & voila,no hum,so we were able to play that might & the next.

End of the gig Saturday night we head to the bar to get our pay.Owner's there & he says "I have to dock you guys 50% for not starting on time Friday Night" wtf.....

"It's your fault not not tellin' us beforehand about the power situation"

"Doesn't matter,I'm docking you"

At this point of course we're upset,so we argue the point for almost an hour,then decide we'll let the agent handle it,we've got 1/2 the money & more gigs at home.Drive home,call the agent & tell him why he ain't gettin' his full commission,he's on it right away (funny how that works with the bastard agents ).

A few months later we finally get our money,but not until after the agent had gone to court & listened to the club owner say that he'd felt "intimidated" by us when he refused to pay us & because of that thought he shouldn't pay.
The really good part was that we were one of 4-5 bands in court that day that the club owner had pulled the same thing on,the judge wasn't sympathetic.

Heard later he shortly went out of business.Couldn't have happened to a better guy.