Words used by tech support

[anode_probe]

So I have been talking to some friends and we have discovered that we use different phrases or words that should signify to the customer that the call is not going to go any further.

My all time favorite is "Sir" or "Ma'am"

If you ever get me on the phone and you hear either of those words, I would hang up and call back in, because you are 5 minutes away from an erased hard drive.

Anyone else have words that they use when they have had enough?

[Drakstern]

I'm not tech support, but any customer who gets the extended 'ooookay' from me should look upon it and despair.

That means they just asked for something exceedingly stupid and, while I'll try and resolve the issue, the chances of them getting what they asked for are about as good as being hit by lightning twice. While in a bomb shelter fifty miles underground. And dancing with leprechauns.

[iradney]

yep, the Sir/Ma'm, said in an INCREDIBLY polite and even tone, accompanied by a lifted eyebrow...definite sign of danger

[trunks2k]

Not so much a word or phrase, but total silence is a good indication. Because that's when I'm using the mute button and swearing up a storm.

[anode_probe]

Bless that mute button!

[anode_probe]

Okay, I have a couple of others here:

"Look" - this is beyond and normally followed by "Sir/Ma'am"

"So you're asking" - normally means you aren't going to get what your asking for

"(repeats what SC just said, in a questioning tone)" - same as above, normally on the same call.

"You're more than welcome to..." - In extreme circumstances, this phrase is busted out. It is normally followed by an alternitive option to what is happening right now, and is roughly translated to "get the hell off the phone, I don't want to deal with you anymore."

[TNT]

"Be that as it may..." translates into, "I have no clue what you're rambling about, but even I did, I wouldn't care."

Customer: I can't connect to the internet.
Me: All right. We can take care of that.
Customer: Losing thousands of dollars... service sucks... evil cable monoply... blah, blah, blah.
Me: Be that as it may, at this particular moment in time, the problem is that you can't connect to the internet. Let's get that taken care of now.

[Phone Jockey]

"Is there anything else I may help you with?"

[HawaiianShirts]

"At least." This phrase is used when a customer asks about a price for a product or service that they do not need now but may need in the future and provides their own estimate. The customer has just estimated the lowest possible price of that product or service, and the sales and/or service reps know full well that the actual price is more likely to be much higher. To avoid arguing with the customer, we simply say, "At least," to make them think they're right and to cover our own butts when the price is higher.

For example...
Customer: But I could buy this one (video capture device that doesn't come with editing software) and just buy other software later if I need it, right?
Me: Of course you could, but--
Customer: Yeah. What would that cost for, like, Pinnacle or Adobe Premier? Like forty bucks or so?
Me: At least...