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Darwin Robbery

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  • Darwin Robbery

    So we had an attempted robbery. The man was quite possibly the stupidest person in existence who hasn't removed himself from the gene pool already.

    When conducting a robbery, a)don't assume the girl behind the counter has any fucks left to give after being a veteran of customer service b) do not look down the barrel. c)if it seems to be going according to plan, you are about to be fucked d)do not point the gun at anything you aren't willing to have hit.

    Noted when dumbass was trying to hold us up that he definitely was high on something, probably weed given the smell, and using an old school revolver. But i also know to treat every gun as if it is loaded. I commented on his choice of weapon (what? I grew up military, hell I had my grann's old revolver in hand before I could string a proper sentence together. Probably says something about how fucked up my family is that they thought children and guns were a good combo. Besides how often do you see an actual revolver during a robbery nowadays?) and asked if the gun was loaded.

    and what does he do?

    POINTS THE FUCKING THING AT HIS FACE AND ATTEMPTS TO LOOK DOWN THE BARREL like a bad cartoon.

    So he asks for the till money, which protocol says hand over. Then he asks for the safe money. So I take him to the walk-in cooler at the back. Open the door and walk in with dumbass. There's a cabinet near the freezer door that looks like it could be a safe if you aren't looking dead on. And at the end right beside is the freezer, then another door through the freezer to get outside because it's easier to drop recycling out then to go all around to the front of the store and then all around to the back again.

    Told him I needed the key and our boss was too cheap to spring for a real safe, slipped into the freezer, blocked the door with frozen pizza boxes as high as me in that annoying spot where the door won't open properly (hence the other reason for the outside door). Ran around to the front and jammed the cooler door shut with an office chair between the door and the desk. So he was effectively trapped. Then informed the cops that we had an attempted robbery, the robber is locked in the cooler with his gun and said money. I inform my coworker not to open the cooler or freezer as I locked an asshat customer in there and that I was taking my break.

    Don't think she actually believed me until the (hot, why are all the saanich cops so good looking?) cops showed up.

    While I'm moving my ass away from the door asshat decides his foot needs another hole in it. I'm not sure why he was aiming at his foot and playing with his gun but he managed to put an extra hole in himself.

    Apparently yelling out "shut up I'm on my fucking break" my reflexive reply to anyone disturbing my quiet time was deemed hilarious to some.

    Adrenaline rush was useful for getting everything done as I was behind though.
    Don’t worry about what I’m up to. Worry about why you are worried about what I’m up to.

  • #2
    That was BRILLIANT. I'm only sorry it's not on video somewhere. I hope the details get reported in the local news so his fellow prisoners can mock him to hell and back.
    Customer service: More efficient than a Dementor's kiss
    ~ Mr Hero

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    • #3
      Bravo!

      Quoth AkaiKitsune View Post
      POINTS THE FUCKING THING AT HIS FACE AND ATTEMPTS TO LOOK DOWN THE BARREL like a bad cartoon.
      That might have been a good time to stick your hand out and and say "Here. Let me show you."

      Now to sit back and wait for the MIM story, While I personally think you did an excellent job of protecting your customers and coworkers, I get the feeling that Management won't see it that way,
      Life is too short to not eat popcorn.
      Save the Ales!
      Toys for Tots at Rooster's Cafe

      Comment


      • #4
        OMG, you have guts of iron. Locking him in the cooler to cool off where he can't hurt anyone but himself is brilliant!
        "I look at the stars. It's a clear night and the Milky Way seems so near. That's where I'll be going soon. "We are all star stuff." I suddenly remember Delenn's line from Joe's script. Not a bad prospect. I am not afraid. In the meantime, let me close my eyes and sense the beauty around me. And take that breath under the dark sky full of stars. Breathe in. Breathe out. That's all."
        -Mira Furlan

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        • #5
          If it had been someone who actually looked like they might have a clue or was on some kind of other drug then I would have said fuck it here's the cash. But come on, the guy pointed a weapon at his face. There's only one kind of prize he would have one.

          Idiot literally stood in front of the cameras san mask so he could be easily identifiable and nearly shot himself once and did the second time. Besides, the real safe is in clear view and ya know actually looks like a safe since we are required to drop anything bigger then a 10 by law.

          The cooler doors are also thick as fuck because they have to be when you're too cheap to insulate anything properly. So I figured if he was going to shoot it would be at the door where he would reasonably expect someone would stand not at a thin wall of questionable stability. (Most interior walls are little more then drywall. That is not going to stop much of anything. A foot of metal on the other hand...)

          So long as you are complying then a robber has no reason to shoot until they get what they want.

          Spent 10yrs military and have a family of PTSDing nutjobs. I long ago became desensitized to weapons of all kinds. I also know a few ways to disarm someone but have only ever practiced them in the questionably safe confines of drill. I would not want to try something like that anywhere near other people and certainly not near myself.

          Besides, once he had the money there's no telling what he would do next and any robbed money actually comes out of your paycheck which is BS. I work I want my full pay damn it. This way asshat is secure and not a danger. My coworker and I are not in danger. The money stays put. And the cops respond awfully quick when they hear 'single-action revolver' and 'robbery'.

          Though it was a nice gun, been a while since I've seen one of those.
          Don’t worry about what I’m up to. Worry about why you are worried about what I’m up to.

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth AkaiKitsune View Post
            ... any robbed money actually comes out of your paycheck which is BS.
            Completely agree! Your workplace should have insurance to cover losses due to armed robbery.

            My workplace (granted, we're a bank) has always taught us that you give the robber what they want. Make sure everybody's safe first and foremost, since lives are more valuable than money. And BTW, we have insurance to cover losses from robbery, so don't worry about the lost money.

            We have other procedures, of course, but I can't talk about them for security reasons.
            "I look at the stars. It's a clear night and the Milky Way seems so near. That's where I'll be going soon. "We are all star stuff." I suddenly remember Delenn's line from Joe's script. Not a bad prospect. I am not afraid. In the meantime, let me close my eyes and sense the beauty around me. And take that breath under the dark sky full of stars. Breathe in. Breathe out. That's all."
            -Mira Furlan

            Comment


            • #7
              We should have insurance, especially since policy is to hand over the money. And I would be surprised if we didn't. Im pretty sure they're just greedy and found some loophole. But yeah, it comes out of your paycheck which is such bs. We found that out when we were robbed previously (not armed and not my shift). Both ppl working got docked half of the stolen money each. They tried protesting it but here the law protects the guilty. Even with a straight up admittance of guilt nothing gets done. And then the politicians get all confused when ppl take the law into their own hands.
              Don’t worry about what I’m up to. Worry about why you are worried about what I’m up to.

              Comment


              • #8
                Usually the robber gets locked in the cooler after he is arrested.
                "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth AkaiKitsune View Post
                  any robbed money actually comes out of your paycheck which is BS
                  I'm not an attorney, but this sounds legally dicey. Also a great way for the employer to scam employees via staged robbery so employer doesn't actually have to pay employees. Please check applicable labor laws in your area.
                  "Crazy may always be open for business, but on the full moon, it has buy one get one free specials." - WishfulSpirit

                  "Sometimes customers remind me of zombies, but I'm pretty sure that zombies are smarter." - MelindaJoy77

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    It's the old "Pay up or be fired" routine. Perfectly legal (here in the US) to terminate an employee for coming up short. Firing someone for a robbery, I doubt that would be legal.

                    And don't forget, "We don't pay you enough to afford a lawyer, so we know you can't sue us". And that is how they get away with it.
                    Life is too short to not eat popcorn.
                    Save the Ales!
                    Toys for Tots at Rooster's Cafe

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      It's legal in the technical sense, in that there is no law against this it's just a dick ass move and one of those things that only a real asshole company would use. There's even an actual law stating they can dock your pay for the stolen money until it's retrieved (this was before insurance became a normal thing for smaller businesses and was meant as a way to keep businesses from going under and having a bunch of people lose their job. But this law was made back when you had to combo open a safe to put money in not just press a button, insert, finish, and walk away. But when have MiM ever used the legal system for its intended purpose and not as a way to be cheap greedy bastards?). It's a blue law that should have been removed ages ago but nobody bothered and thus it still technically exists.
                      Don’t worry about what I’m up to. Worry about why you are worried about what I’m up to.

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                      • #12
                        Fining or firing an employee for not preventing a robbery sounds illegal as FUCK.

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                        • #13
                          Quoth AkaiKitsune View Post
                          Apparently yelling out "shut up I'm on my fucking break" my reflexive reply to anyone disturbing my quiet time was deemed hilarious to some.
                          Just wait until the police report is read in court and they get to this part. His lawyer is going to facepalm... Hard.


                          Quoth Monterey Jack View Post
                          Fining or firing an employee for not preventing a robbery sounds illegal as FUCK.
                          And if they do prevent a robbery, they will be fired because the policy says to give them the money. Most cheap idiots will give a warning though. Even they know that news networks love stories about an employee getting fired for stopping a robbery and once you fire them, you can't stop them from talking to the media.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Such an awful damned if you do and damned if you don't situation for workers. It's just brilliant that you had a means of locking him away before the police arrived.
                            Customers should always be served . . . to the nearest great white.

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