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Ok...I was gonna type this bad boy up earlier, but I was way too tired upon getting home, and just said "screw it". So, let's get started!
Buh. Wha? Buh.
I walk out onto our front drive, and see instantly there's a problem with a taxi. Now, I don't like a lot of our cab drivers, but sometimes it's not their fault, so I go over to see what's going on...as I walk over, the police show up.
Turns out Taxi Driver A picked up Blazing Fucktard at a bar, drove him about 8 blocks, then found out the guy has no credit cards or cash on him...he says he lost it. Taxi driver pulls over and parks at my hotel to get in a screaming match with this guy, and call the cops (gee, thanks). So, they go on arguing back and forth about how this guy's going to pay for the cab ride, or go to detox...and finally the guy manages to fish out a form of payment. Of course, before then, he wanders over to me and mumbles something...and the conversation goes more or less like this:
BF (above fucktard): Buh
Me: Excuse me?
BF: Wuh buh
Me: I don't understand.
BF: Buh.
Me: I don't understand what you're saying.
BF: BUH!
Police: Hey, get the fuck back over here jackass.
I swear to god, we attract these people somehow.
Return of McPoopyPants
While I'm dealing with Buh, one of the other managers finds a bum sleeping against the side of our building, and wakes him up. Imagine her surprise when he uncovers his face, and reveals himself to be none other than the idiot who shit his pants in our lobby a few weeks back, and ended up getting a lot of it on the floor! (You may remember this story from http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=31227 )
Hi! Let's take a trip with the Police, shall we? Amusingly enough, the officer had just finished up with the taxi issue up front, so he and I walked over to get rid of the Poopsmith, hopefully once and for all. Next time he comes back, I think I'll just kill him.
Wife Beater, and Wonder Wife, wonder jackass powers unite!
This was the longest call I've had in a while...it started a little after 1am, and just kept snowballing until I was ready to jump off the roof. The initial problem started when someone walked past the room, and heard Wife Beater (WB) beating on Wonder Wife (WW), and she was all-out screaming in pain. "OW", "GET OUT", "LET ME GO", and so on...and on...and on. So, naturally, we take this pretty seriously and show up within seconds, banging on the door, while she continues to scream in pain. Since we get no answer, we open the door, and WW goes sprinting out, bawling, while WB quickly grabs all his stuff and leaves behind her...they go separate ways, but on the way down, WW starts ripping into the manager who found Poopy Pants above, calling her a "fucking cunt slut" and so forth, before leaving and walking away. Her wonderful husband leaves on his own, trying again and again to call her, not realizing her cell phone was left up in their room. We lock the room so they can't get back in, and get her phone as well, in case she comes back. We call the cops, but we can't find him, and can't find her, so no victim = no crime, unfortunately.
Well, then we find him! He's snuck into the parking garage to sleep in his car...he's admitted previously that he's too drunk to drive, so we can't let him drive off, but he is not going to sleep in his car...so we boot him from the garage as well, at which point he damn near gets into a fight with me. It would've been lopsided, seeing as I had 4 people standing behind him at the time, but then he starts playing games...ie, walking into me and "chest bumping" me, then saying "touch me again and I'll sue the hotel", then walking into me again. "OK! I'm suing the hotel." Yeah, good luck with that...somehow I doubt the kind of guy who pays $110 for a $250 room is going to have the funding to beat a corporation's lawyers, so I'm not too worried.
WB finally leaves the damn property, and it told very clearly that setting foot on our property will get him arrested for trespassing (exception, we'll let him get his car when he's sober, but that's it. If he gets it while drunk, I'll just call in his license plate 
). So, my blood's pumping, and I take a break and chill out for a while.
I'm just starting to do the work I have for the night (6 hours later), when suddenly WW comes back, and this is where I know these two will have the best marriage ever. Despite the obvious marks on her arms and neck, she now says nothing happened and it was just a "marital spat." We tell her a few things...one, that her room is no longer accessible, as it had been checked out, however if she had a friend she could stay with, I would have no problem with that. I did tell her specifically that her husband could not return under any circumstances due to the altercation he had with us, and she understood. I made sure to have this conversation with witnesses, since I knew it wasn't going to end there. Oh boy was I right...
So WW tries and tries to call her friend in the hotel, who isn't answering...and suddenly she gets a call on her cell. It's the friend! He's sitting across the street...so she walks over, and suddenly WB is there, and they kiss and make up. Fantastic. They then start walking all over the place, and I know the rules to this game...we start posting people outside, and sure enough, every time we walk out, WB is edging near the hotel. He sees us, and suddenly no, he was just walking the other way! We play this game for about 3 hours, and then other calls pull us away, so I recruit some front desk and valet staff to keep watch, and we go to work. Sure enough, 15 minutes later, WB, WW, and their friend go waltzing through the lobby...not noticing 2 staff following them. The staff hop in a separate elevator, and make sure which room the guy goes in to, and I've rather run out of patience by this point.
"Ok, call the police, game's over."
5 minutes later, my favorite boys in black arrive, and we go up to visit WB in all his glory...and they know they've been caught before they open the door. Homeboy hides in the bathroom (when does this ever work?) which delays the inevitable for about 15 seconds, and he comes out in cuffs. Now WW keeps saying to arrest her too, but they leave her there with his car keys, and they leave both friends since they cooperated, and we all go on our merry way to the lobby, right?
I think not.
We're not downstairs for 30 seconds, when I'm signing a complaint form, and the officer with me yells "WATCH OUT!" I look up in time to see WW run up and JUMP on the other officer, trying to get him away from WB. This has about as much effectiveness as cutting butter with a bowling ball, and it takes about 5 seconds to get her in cuffs too. I just start giggling at this point, because this night is finally shaping up. After a short wait, my two favorite cops AD (who's in my War Story) and RF show up, transfer both people into their car, and head for glory, and the story ends.
Well, for about an hour.
See, it's still just a trespassing ticket...so 6am rolls around, and someone spots WW and WB AGAIN, across the street! They have smartened and sobered up a bit now, so WB stays away while WW comes back to get her car...fine, go for it. But she has to talk to me first about how we're going to be sued, how they'll talk to the press about how we treat soldiers, and how the initial contact when we were up there at 1am was them having sex (!?!?!?) and we thought it was a fight. This was the wrong thing to tell me, since I made sure their room couldn't be disturbed, and no one was in the room without witnesses...which means the photos I now have of their completely unused and undisturbed bed show her to be lying. She also tried to claim that we had her arrested up in the room, which the videos show as a lie, and she claimed that I told her that her husband could return with her to a friend's room (which, if you remember, I made sure I had witnesses when I told her the opposite ). So I give her some manager numbers, tell her that I won't refund her room, but she can try her luck with them, and wish her a merry fucking Christmas, and finally she leaves. So, 9 hours into my 10 hour shift, I finally start getting my work done.
Fuckers.
And that's the DAILY update...that doesn't even cover the rest of the week!
Buh. Wha? Buh.
I walk out onto our front drive, and see instantly there's a problem with a taxi. Now, I don't like a lot of our cab drivers, but sometimes it's not their fault, so I go over to see what's going on...as I walk over, the police show up.
Turns out Taxi Driver A picked up Blazing Fucktard at a bar, drove him about 8 blocks, then found out the guy has no credit cards or cash on him...he says he lost it. Taxi driver pulls over and parks at my hotel to get in a screaming match with this guy, and call the cops (gee, thanks). So, they go on arguing back and forth about how this guy's going to pay for the cab ride, or go to detox...and finally the guy manages to fish out a form of payment. Of course, before then, he wanders over to me and mumbles something...and the conversation goes more or less like this:
BF (above fucktard): Buh
Me: Excuse me?
BF: Wuh buh
Me: I don't understand.
BF: Buh.
Me: I don't understand what you're saying.
BF: BUH!
Police: Hey, get the fuck back over here jackass.
I swear to god, we attract these people somehow.
Return of McPoopyPants
While I'm dealing with Buh, one of the other managers finds a bum sleeping against the side of our building, and wakes him up. Imagine her surprise when he uncovers his face, and reveals himself to be none other than the idiot who shit his pants in our lobby a few weeks back, and ended up getting a lot of it on the floor! (You may remember this story from http://www.customerssuck.com/board/s...ad.php?t=31227 )
Hi! Let's take a trip with the Police, shall we? Amusingly enough, the officer had just finished up with the taxi issue up front, so he and I walked over to get rid of the Poopsmith, hopefully once and for all. Next time he comes back, I think I'll just kill him.
Wife Beater, and Wonder Wife, wonder jackass powers unite!
This was the longest call I've had in a while...it started a little after 1am, and just kept snowballing until I was ready to jump off the roof. The initial problem started when someone walked past the room, and heard Wife Beater (WB) beating on Wonder Wife (WW), and she was all-out screaming in pain. "OW", "GET OUT", "LET ME GO", and so on...and on...and on. So, naturally, we take this pretty seriously and show up within seconds, banging on the door, while she continues to scream in pain. Since we get no answer, we open the door, and WW goes sprinting out, bawling, while WB quickly grabs all his stuff and leaves behind her...they go separate ways, but on the way down, WW starts ripping into the manager who found Poopy Pants above, calling her a "fucking cunt slut" and so forth, before leaving and walking away. Her wonderful husband leaves on his own, trying again and again to call her, not realizing her cell phone was left up in their room. We lock the room so they can't get back in, and get her phone as well, in case she comes back. We call the cops, but we can't find him, and can't find her, so no victim = no crime, unfortunately.
Well, then we find him! He's snuck into the parking garage to sleep in his car...he's admitted previously that he's too drunk to drive, so we can't let him drive off, but he is not going to sleep in his car...so we boot him from the garage as well, at which point he damn near gets into a fight with me. It would've been lopsided, seeing as I had 4 people standing behind him at the time, but then he starts playing games...ie, walking into me and "chest bumping" me, then saying "touch me again and I'll sue the hotel", then walking into me again. "OK! I'm suing the hotel." Yeah, good luck with that...somehow I doubt the kind of guy who pays $110 for a $250 room is going to have the funding to beat a corporation's lawyers, so I'm not too worried.
WB finally leaves the damn property, and it told very clearly that setting foot on our property will get him arrested for trespassing (exception, we'll let him get his car when he's sober, but that's it. If he gets it while drunk, I'll just call in his license plate ). So, my blood's pumping, and I take a break and chill out for a while.I'm just starting to do the work I have for the night (6 hours later), when suddenly WW comes back, and this is where I know these two will have the best marriage ever. Despite the obvious marks on her arms and neck, she now says nothing happened and it was just a "marital spat." We tell her a few things...one, that her room is no longer accessible, as it had been checked out, however if she had a friend she could stay with, I would have no problem with that. I did tell her specifically that her husband could not return under any circumstances due to the altercation he had with us, and she understood. I made sure to have this conversation with witnesses, since I knew it wasn't going to end there. Oh boy was I right...
So WW tries and tries to call her friend in the hotel, who isn't answering...and suddenly she gets a call on her cell. It's the friend! He's sitting across the street...so she walks over, and suddenly WB is there, and they kiss and make up. Fantastic. They then start walking all over the place, and I know the rules to this game...we start posting people outside, and sure enough, every time we walk out, WB is edging near the hotel. He sees us, and suddenly no, he was just walking the other way! We play this game for about 3 hours, and then other calls pull us away, so I recruit some front desk and valet staff to keep watch, and we go to work. Sure enough, 15 minutes later, WB, WW, and their friend go waltzing through the lobby...not noticing 2 staff following them. The staff hop in a separate elevator, and make sure which room the guy goes in to, and I've rather run out of patience by this point.
"Ok, call the police, game's over."
5 minutes later, my favorite boys in black arrive, and we go up to visit WB in all his glory...and they know they've been caught before they open the door. Homeboy hides in the bathroom (when does this ever work?) which delays the inevitable for about 15 seconds, and he comes out in cuffs. Now WW keeps saying to arrest her too, but they leave her there with his car keys, and they leave both friends since they cooperated, and we all go on our merry way to the lobby, right?
I think not.We're not downstairs for 30 seconds, when I'm signing a complaint form, and the officer with me yells "WATCH OUT!" I look up in time to see WW run up and JUMP on the other officer, trying to get him away from WB. This has about as much effectiveness as cutting butter with a bowling ball, and it takes about 5 seconds to get her in cuffs too. I just start giggling at this point, because this night is finally shaping up. After a short wait, my two favorite cops AD (who's in my War Story) and RF show up, transfer both people into their car, and head for glory, and the story ends.
Well, for about an hour.
See, it's still just a trespassing ticket...so 6am rolls around, and someone spots WW and WB AGAIN, across the street! They have smartened and sobered up a bit now, so WB stays away while WW comes back to get her car...fine, go for it. But she has to talk to me first about how we're going to be sued, how they'll talk to the press about how we treat soldiers, and how the initial contact when we were up there at 1am was them having sex (!?!?!?) and we thought it was a fight. This was the wrong thing to tell me, since I made sure their room couldn't be disturbed, and no one was in the room without witnesses...which means the photos I now have of their completely unused and undisturbed bed show her to be lying. She also tried to claim that we had her arrested up in the room, which the videos show as a lie, and she claimed that I told her that her husband could return with her to a friend's room (which, if you remember, I made sure I had witnesses when I told her the opposite ). So I give her some manager numbers, tell her that I won't refund her room, but she can try her luck with them, and wish her a merry fucking Christmas, and finally she leaves. So, 9 hours into my 10 hour shift, I finally start getting my work done.Fuckers.
And that's the DAILY update...that doesn't even cover the rest of the week!
I guess since we haven't had knocks on the door, we're doing OK.
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