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Things I am not allowed to do at work.

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  • I am not allowed to wake people up on their break with an airhorn... Even if they are 15min late getting off break.
    Don’t worry about what I’m up to. Worry about why you are worried about what I’m up to.

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    • No singing pretty much ANYTHING by The Poxy Boggards at work. (Except for their cover of "Bound for South Australia" since that's a folk tune)

      I am however, allowed to belt out "I Wear No Pants" at full volume while at a shoot. Or an event. (Link is NSFW)

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      • Just because the customer who keeps calling and insisting she paid her cable bill at our store when we don't offer that service is clearly bat shit, I am not allowed to end the call by shouting, "THIS. IS. SPARTA!"
        Don't waste time trying to convince someone that the sky is blue.

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        • When people ask why you have athletic tape on your knee, do not respond with "Well, I used to be an archer, until I took an arrow to the knee."

          (Most of my work knows I'm a re-enactor FYI)

          ETA: I am not not, under any circumstances, allowed to announce that "it's the final countdown" for ANY of my projects...because it will result in SOMEONE in the office chiming in with the riff to "Final Countdown."
          Last edited by LadyofArc; 02-23-2018, 05:45 AM.

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          • I'm no longer allowed to answer the phone by saying...

            "House of Pain, we deliver!"

            ...or...

            "Sadists Unlimited: 'We bring the pain!'"

            ...and especially not...

            "Dark Corner DSS: 'You shake 'em, we take 'em!'"
            Drive it like it's a county car.

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            • Not allowed to yell "Mush!" at the CW on the front of the stock cart. Although it does get people to pay attention...especially when he barks back
              "I am quite confident that I do exist."
              "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

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              • I am not allowed to make little paper Pegasi out of till tape, no matter how bored I am.
                Attached Files
                Don’t worry about what I’m up to. Worry about why you are worried about what I’m up to.

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                • When two sports pundits start screaming at one another, I'm not allowed to rip the TV off the wall, no matter how much my coworkers would love to see me do it.
                  Last edited by catcul; 03-13-2018, 06:48 PM. Reason: clarity
                  This site proves Corey Taylor right. Man really is a "four letter word."

                  I'm now using my Deviant Art page to post my humor.

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                  • I'm not allowed to scare vendor reps by stepping out of my exam room and (apparently meanly/grumpily) telling them all to *SHUSH*... Else I may get Snickers Bars thrown at me.

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                    • I am not allowed to act like Ben DeLa Creme, grab the pointer we use for projectors and say "Microphone drop"

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                      • Not allowed to take my store manager off to the side, use my belt on his bottom, stick a pacifier in his mouth and send him straight to bed without supper whenever he decides he wants to be a worrywart - even if he IS young enough to be my child!
                        Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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                        • Quoth DGoddessChardonnay View Post
                          Not allowed to take my store manager off to the side, use my belt on his bottom, stick a pacifier in his mouth and send him straight to bed without supper whenever he decides he wants to be a worrywart - even if he IS young enough to be my child!
                          He's missing out.
                          This site proves Corey Taylor right. Man really is a "four letter word."

                          I'm now using my Deviant Art page to post my humor.

                          Comment


                          • Quoth M'oh Less View Post
                            I may get Snickers Bars thrown at me.
                            Not seeing a downside here.
                            I am no longer of capable of the emotion you humans call “compassion”. Though I can feign it in exchange for an hourly wage. (Gravekeeper)

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                            • Quoth Rosco the Iroc View Post
                              So stealing that..
                              Have at it.

                              Also a new one from the other day:

                              I am not allowed to sing Tripod songs at work.

                              ESPECIALLY not "Hotdog Man," or "Rock eisteddfod." (The former as it's NSFW and the latter because the majority of my coworkers will not get the joke.)

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                              • I am not allowed to take the penis of the new dummy and parade it around the office announcing that the new dummy as arrived.

                                I am not allowed to bring in a box of Sunbites crackers and announce "Hey guys, I brought crack!" (they are seriously good and addictive)

                                I am also not allowed to suggest that we bring in a set of stocks to punish excessively chatty staff members

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