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Old 04-01-2008, 05:16 PM
Slytovhand's Avatar
Slytovhand Slytovhand is offline
$20/hour to watch football :D
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Now... Melbourne in the land of Oz
Posts: 635

Dear Jester,

my middle name

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Old 04-01-2008, 05:42 PM
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protege protege is offline
Super Moderator
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 6,137


Idiots on my street. Learn how to fucking drive, OK? Last time I checked, it was *not* a superhighway. Speed limit is only 25mph, so I don't know where you all got the idea it was 90. We have too many little kids around, along with the dog-walkers, old people, not to mention myself (usually with the beat-up '59 Radio-Flyer wagon) on the street at various times. None of us wants to get hit by a car, nor do we want to scrape your ass off the road after you hit *our* cars, or end up on our property? You wonder why I have that ugly stone lion on the corner, plus the pile of rocks? Yep, to keep you idiots out of my yard!

This includes *you* who drop your kids off at the school, and then lay rubber out of there. While we're talking about the school...park in their lot, OK? I really hate to come home from work, and *not* be able to get down the street because you idiots can't park for shit! One side of the street is bad enough, but *both* sides? Also, if you're going to do that, don't be surprised if someone's had your car towed, or decided to vandalize it. People get upset if you're in their driveway, or *blocking* said driveway. I don't mess with your cars, but I will *not* hesitate to call the cops and tow your ass!

Further, let's not even think about the effects of a speeding vehicle on ice. Yes, we get snow here in PA. Yes, the street does get slick. Does that stop you idiots from suddenly going around the corner sideways...even with the aforementioned other vehicles and street users? I'm just waiting to wake up one morning to find a car sitting in my yard, or against the trees across the street. I'm sure my neighbor will be delighted to see that you've just totaled his brand new truck...

Aerodynamics are for people who can't build engines. --Enzo Ferrari
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Old 04-01-2008, 05:46 PM
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Becks Becks is offline
Member of the T Plush fan club
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: adding to the male harem
Posts: 9,798

Dear married men,

Yeah, for some reason you want me. Good for you. Sometimes I don't blame you for that.

However, you are MARRIED. Hell, if the ring itself didn't tip me off, you've told me that yourself. Every once in a while I am observent and I DO pay attention to things I'm told.

I am engaged. While I don't wear my ring while I'm working, I do have it on my person. You've seen it. I've shown it to you before.

Learn to respect (in no particular order) your wife, yourself, me and my fiance. Any children you have, too.

I am not mistress material, and I don't think my fiance would appreciate what you said to me...in graphic terms. Maybe at first it was mildly amusing, but holy biscuit. Once you get THAT graphic, maybe you should look into writing erotic literature or participating in porn.

I'd tell you to eat me, but that's near the top of the list.

Go to hell.
Unseen but seeing
oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
3rd shift needs love, too
RIP, mo bhrionglóid
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Old 04-01-2008, 06:52 PM
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Myra Myra is offline
Front End Supervisor
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: St. Joseph, Missouri, USA
Posts: 140

Dear P:

Nobody in this town respects you. We all think you're a lazy asshole selfish pothead. We KNOW you totally screwed A in her car that night and we hate you because your wife is really sweet. Speaking of which, how the HELL do you sleep at night knowing she works her ass off, has worked TWO jobs to keep the house afloat, and you have yet to hold a job for longer than two weeks??

You just screwed over the best band you've ever been in and you are playing with your meth-head brother again? He sucks ass and every time you guys are in a band together it sucks ass. This happens when you've been doing meth long enough that you have suffered permanent damage. But you think he is so freaking awesome.

Wake up, you suck, you need your ego checked.


Dear Other People Who Work for My Company:



Dear Paris Hilton:

I hope the crab lice carry you away in your sleep and your herpes sores get infected. You have officially set back the female gender about 50 years. I don't care how many people you pay to say you are smart, you are dumber than a box of hair. You are a waste of space on this earth who is only famous because your daddy is hella rich. You are a horrible person and I hope your dog chews your face off while you sleep.

I may be free from retail, but the nightmares still linger.....
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Old 04-01-2008, 07:37 PM
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Shangri-laschild Shangri-laschild is offline
Girl Friday Extraordinaire
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Illinois
Posts: 769

Dear Bitch

Know how you insulted to me infront of D after we met for just a second? You know, before I had even said anything to you to give you a reason to hate me. Know how you were friends with D and his brother J? Well J is my best friend. Remember insulting me infront of J in the check out line? It didn't help your case much when you insulted me yet again. (both times you insulted me to my face were while you were working too which was kinda dumb) Know how J is no longer answering or returning your calls? That's cause you're a raging bitch. Oh yeah, and he likes me better. Next time you want to be friends with people, maybe don't blatently repeatedly insult the person who lived with them for a while and is better friends with them then you are. By the way, you can stop giving me dirty looks every time you see me. It's not my fault you hate yourself and have decided to take it out on me. I personally am happy with who I am. Good luck with that though.

"Man, having a conversation with you is like walking through a salvador dali painting." - Mac Hall
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Old 04-01-2008, 08:21 PM
Irving Patrick Freleigh's Avatar
Irving Patrick Freleigh Irving Patrick Freleigh is offline
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: burning pink camo dumpster
Posts: 14,066

Dear Old Guy Who I Had To Help Today:

First, you asked me if we carried a specific kind of wiping cloth.

One with holes on one side, and the other side had a scrubber on it.

I was unable to find it for you.

Then you decided to tell me about how you used to buy this particular cloth everywhere, particularly K-Mart, which has been absent from our city for close to 15 years, that you were good friends with the K-Mart manager and you used to go bowling on Friday nights, and how that particular cloth was very useful for washing dishes, and how you don't like to use scrub brushes or dishrags or blah blah blah blah blah....

All I have to say to you is: Does this story have a point? Or does it just ramble on and on endlessly like my job?

Your Friendly Befuddled Neighborhood Stock Monkey And Creepy Furniture Goon,
Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

"I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily
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Old 04-01-2008, 08:33 PM
Parrothead Parrothead is offline
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Over there =>
Posts: 425

Dear idiots on Roswell Road.

For the love of god stop crossing the road where it's four lanes, at night, wearing black clothes.

Someone will hit you!

Driver of the Piratemobile
What if Humans are just Dire Halflings?
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Old 04-01-2008, 09:44 PM
marty's Avatar
marty marty is offline
master of the crowbar
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Hellmouth
Posts: 607

Dear Bitch in my History of Africa class,
You have two papers to write before tomorrow, and that's our professor's fault how? You know, some of us know how to manage our time, and you bitching and moaning and putting the poor man down every time he assigns us something that's required to be more than half a page long doesn't mean he's the worst person ever. On the contrary; he's actually a very nice, sweet little man from Kenya with an awesome accent and a very genial teaching style. He's given us extensions before out of the kindness of his heart, and yet you still complain and gripe and act belligerent towards him every time he gives us an assignment.

Hey! Guess what? You're in a MFing history class. And you know what history majors do? We read, and more importantly, we write. So get over yourself, shove your pretentious attitude up your ass and write your damn paper.

Love (please get hit in the head with someone blunt it'll make you smarter),
Would you like a Stummies?
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Old 04-01-2008, 10:23 PM
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Jester Jester is offline
High Priest to Grog-Boozith
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: 24° 33' 19" N / 81° 46' 58" W. This is Paradise.
Posts: 6,184

Quoth Slytovhand View Post
Dear Jester,


I thought it was obvious. I despise my middle name, and want it to go away. Preferably far away. Say, Madagascar. Or Pluto. It's one of only two things I have never forgiven my mother for. The other one being lima beans.

"The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
Still A Customer."

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Old 04-01-2008, 10:44 PM
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Alfie Alfie is offline
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 82

Dear my partner's parents,
Yes, I swear. I enjoy swearing. I do choose to ensure I do not swear around you, however. I do not swear around my family either. I do not swear around children. (Other than accidentally saying "poobumhead" near my niece once, but she giggled so it's ok).

Telling me that "I should just know why swearing is wrong" is not a basis of debate.

Just because I swear around my friends, and around your son does not make me a bully. I do not "itimidate" people by swearing. I do not swear AT people, I swear in my general language use. How is it that someone who swears is automatically a bully? It makes no sense, and is a massive generalisation. And where do you get off trying to tell me that I'm a bully? Obviously you have used the past 4 and a half years you have known me to completely ignore who I am.

It also does not mean that my vocabulary is such that I can not think of any other words to use instead of curse words. It's just that swearing sometimes has a better impact that other words which it could be replaced with, such as Fuck you! as opposed to Sod off! It enhances my vocabulary.

Nor does it mean that I should be ashamed of myself because my partner swears around me. It does not mean that he doesn't respect me, it means that I don't find it a big deal. It should not reflect badly on me, take some freaking responsibility for how you raised YOUR son. How is anything that your son does my fault? It seems that you have washed your hands of him, and have now made me his guardian. Maybe it's so that you have less effort to put in as a parent, not that I have seen you do any fucking parenting EVER unless it was while sitting on your couch while watching your constant stream of shitty tv shows.

Your pissed off future daughter in law who wishes you'd get a life or a brain,
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