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  #31  
Old 07-24-2006, 02:27 PM
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Canadian In Maine Canadian In Maine is offline
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I should just go back to Canada!
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  #32  
Old 07-24-2006, 02:35 PM
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Lace Neil Singer Lace Neil Singer is offline
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There are stupid people all over the world, sadly.
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  #33  
Old 07-24-2006, 11:58 PM
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Quote:
Quoth Jester
SC: "I'll have a margarita."
ME: "May I see your ID please sire?
SC: "Are you serious? "Man, I'm a cop!"
...
If you look 30 or under, I am required by STATE LAW to ask for your ID.
I'm no expert but I would think most, if not all, police forces require that officers be 21. I'm not saying this to suggest their status means you shouldn't card them, but if you find they're underage, will you report them for impersonating a police officer?
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  #34  
Old 07-25-2006, 01:02 AM
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Lace Neil Singer Lace Neil Singer is offline
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Quote:
Quoth Mixed Bag
I'm no expert but I would think most, if not all, police forces require that officers be 21. I'm not saying this to suggest their status means you shouldn't card them, but if you find they're underage, will you report them for impersonating a police officer?
Hey, they could be a stripper.

But don't suggest this to their faces please.
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  #35  
Old 07-27-2006, 11:29 PM
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Dips Dips is offline
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How did I miss this thread?

Here are some of mine:

The Yammerbot-An extreme version of the Blatherer, but doesn't ever stop to breath. Must be a robot.

The Justified-This SC feels he can justify any unreasonable or nonsensical behavior by uttering the words, "It's the priciple of the matter."

The Needy-This SC, when confronted with that fact that what he wants isn't available or possible will come back with, "But I need it!"

This is actually a spell which will turn the impossible into the possible or make the desired object appear in thin air. The spell only works when the word "need" is spoken with a drawn-out nasal whine. If the inflection on the whine is off, even a little, the spell won't work. That is why The Needy SC will repeat it multiple times.

The Speculator-The Speculator is a time-consuming bore. He can see into many possible future timelines simultaneously and wants to be prepared for all of them. He will start most sentences with "But, what if..." and finish with the whatever vision of a future timeline he is seeing that moment.

The speculator always starts with the most statistically probable timeline. For example, "But what if my battery won't hold a charge?"

It is best to be very vague with the Speculator because answering his questions will only encourage him to have more visions of progressively more unlikely timelines, such as, "But what if I lose my phone and my sister, who was on the account two years ago somehow figured out my password, and makes a call, but the battery dies, then she accidentally drops it in the pool, but it doesn't stay in there long because the dog fishes it out, only he chews on for a while before my grandfather finds it and...."

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  #36  
Old 07-28-2006, 05:50 PM
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Banrion Banrion is offline
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Quote:
Quoth darko31
The Stroker -picks your brain for hours on end about some expensive product just to go buy off ebay or newegg.
semi-guilty. When it was time for my b/f and I to buy a laser printer, I did my research and narrowed my options to 3. Unable to differentiate the 3 sheerly by online specs, we went to BB who happened to carry all 3 models, and printed test pages for comparison purposes. Then went home and bought off e-bay for $300.00 less than BB. We did not waste any employee's time though.
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The only words you said that I understood were "His", "Phone" and "Ya'll". The other 2 paragraphs worth was about as intelligible as a drunken Teletubby barkin' come on's at a Hooter's waitress.
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  #37  
Old 07-28-2006, 06:06 PM
Ducky Ducky is offline
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The PhD Holder -

Me: "I'm sorry, but I cannot waive your late charge, since we've already waived fifteen others in the past couple of years."
SC: "Sir, I'm a doctor, I have a PhD from <insert name of Ivy League School here>, and I have pristine credit, and cannot have this on there. You will remove it."
Me (inside): PhD my ass. You would then know to get your payment in time.

I usually tell them again that I cannot do it and will gladly transfer them to a supervisor to take it up with them.

So you have a PhD, big freakin deal!


My Personal Favorite:

The Spouse From Hell:

Example 1

Me: Can I verify your name, address, and phone number?
SC: *gives name on account, but no theirs.* <female voice> My name is Greg XXXX, and I live at...
Me: I'm sorry, what was your name?
SC: <female voice, again> Greg.
Me: Ok, <i>Greg</i>, and how can I help you?
SC: Well, actually, I'm his wife, and...
Me:

Why didn't you say that the first few times I asked for your info!


Example 2

Me: Can I verify your name, address, and phone number?
SC: *verifies their info*
Me: I'm sorry, I don't see your name on the account, is Mr. XXXX available?
SC: He's my husband.
Me: Can I speak with him?
SC: Why can't you speak with me? I'm his wife, and I pay all of his bills!
Me: *recites Federal Privacy Act to SC*
SC: I'm the one who pays his bills, I'm his wife.


I don't care if you're the freaking President of the United States calling in, if it's not your account, I can't legally speak with you on it! Duh!
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SC: You will waive this late charge!
Me: WAIVE THIS!
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  #38  
Old 07-28-2006, 07:17 PM
dragonflygrrl dragonflygrrl is offline
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I have some:

Quick Question Guy: This is the guy that walks up to an obviously busy sales rep who is currently helping someone else, says, "I just have a quick question," and proceeds to ramble for thirty minutes about nothing in particular while the customer whose turn it actually is does a slow burn. I never even answer the quickest of questions anymore. If it isn't your turn, you will wait for it to be your turn, then I will answer any question you want.

Knows How Sales Work Guy: This is the guy that acts like he has an innate understanding of sales, and every time you try to suggest an accessory or plan add-on that would benefit him says, "Hey there, quit trying to sell me!" and smiles like he knows your secret. My secret is that I hate you. I'm bad at keeping secrets. Buy, don't buy, get out of my face with that smug grin.

Blinded by the Sales Rack Guy: This guy comes in needing a case for his phone, and tries vainly to force his new, current-model phone into a case that is clearanced at $2 because we don't make that phone anymore. Heaven forbid you buy the one that fits for $10!

I Don't Want to Spend a Lot Guy: This is the guy that obviously wants a nice, high end phone, but in an effort to save money decides to go with a free phone that he will come to despise. I know it, he knows it, everybody knows it, but nonetheless he is feeling virtuous today and will have the free phone. He will then attempt to return it after the return period is over.

Not Smart Enough for a PDA Guy: This guy is too stupid to understand a BlackBerry, has no earthly use for a BlackBerry, and will never, ever, be able to figure out how to pair a Bluetooth headset to his BlackBerry. Nonetheless, he is bound and determined to own one. He will be back at least fifteen times because his BlackBerry "doesn't work," and finally will attempt to return it at least three weeks after the return period ends, even though he has been informed on his fifteen previous visits that the return period ends in x days. He will then swear in an angry (and dumb) rage to never set foot in our store again, but don't believe him. He'll be back, and this time he'll want the new smart phone.

Disclaimer: The word guy is used as a catch-all term for person, and is not meant to indicate that all my sucky customers are in fact male. At least half of them are women, and they suck too.
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Dips: The best karma happens when you let a jerk bash themselves senseless on the wall of your polite indifference.
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  #39  
Old 07-28-2006, 07:46 PM
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Dips Dips is offline
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I almost forgot:

Sentence Fragment Barker-The SC cannot use a full sentence in any of his communications. In stores he will bark out a word or two like "Milk!" or "Customer service desk!" or "Cash Back!"

Sentence Fragment Barkers are also fond of composing cryptic emails with more punctuation marks than words:

"ACTIVATION Code??????? NOW!!!!!!!!"

I like composing very VERY long-winded replies to the Sentence Fragment Barker's emails. If he's lucky the answer he wants will be in there, but he's going to have to read the whole thing to find it.
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The stupid is strong with this one.
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  #40  
Old 08-18-2006, 05:39 AM
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Mark Healey Mark Healey is offline
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I can't believe I didn't put this on my first list. Someone mentioned this type in another theread and i feel like a complete bonehead for not mentioning him.

Lawyers.

Is there any other vocational degree that makes people think that they are experts on everything.
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