Yar Har Fiddle Dee Dee

[Princess-Snake]

The Buddy System

Just a heads up for the day staff: I noticed a spider the size of a small dog in the hallway this evening. Upon spotting me it waddled off towards the washrooms at frightening speed. So you guys on day shift may want to go to the bathroom in pairs for the time being for your own safety. That way while its eating one of you alive the other can sneak up behind it while it's distracted and hopefully wound it. I'd say kill but I doubt any of you had the foresight to bring a bat to work today.

EEEEEP! Spider! Get away from me you eight legged freak! *Whacks it with Snake Scepter* Snake Princess Elimination! *Continues whacking spider* Curse Athene (or Athena) for turning that self-conceited brat into the world's first spider. (I'm a big lover of randomness and Greek mythology for all of you people giving me the look.)

[Lace Neil Singer]

I'm not scared of spiders... but I once hammered a bumblebee into a bee shaped pancake after hitting it several hundred times with a copy of the Sunday Mail. O_o Excessive force? Nah...

[Andara Bledin]

Allow me...

SC: "So I lost ma money? It never minutes, I gotta say-"

Okay, I have to admit failure with this one. I don't think that's language, it appears to be random words strewn together.

"Am I to understand that my funds were not received and cannot be retrieved? It does not appear that I have been credited the minutes I attempted to purchase, I must inform you-"

There you go. There's got to be some value to busing into Compton five times a week.

^-.-^

[morgana]

You mean it LIVED?

I'm sorry, but if I put a shotgun round into a spider and it LIVES, I'm leaving the building as fast as possible! Spiders already HAVE numbers on us, they're not ALLOWED to be bulletproof too!

He was so freaked out, he missed. Nice guy, and I'm an arachnophobe myself, but . . . . DAYUM.

[BookstoreEscapee]

What kind of candy do you have? Can I have some?

Thank you for the spider story; now I have the heebie-jeebies and they may last all night. Luckily I've never seen a spider in my house that couldn't be taken care of with the dustbuster or vaccuum. When I was in college we used to get these huge spiders at the bottom of the stairs in our apartment. They were not vaccuumable. Thank god they didn't come upstairs. I think they were too fat to climb.

[Pagan]

I am SO looking forward to September 19th this year

Glad someone else thought of it too! http://www.talklikeapirate.com/

As for the spiders, thought they might startle me from time-to-time, I'm not scared of them. Now, change "spider" to "cockroach" and I'll need tranquilizers.

[BookstoreEscapee]

hehehe...last year the cafe at Store2 had it advertised on their chalkboard, and they had pirate stuff on the counters...including a stuffed parrot and treasure chest

yarrr.

[Bloodsoul]

Anyones else want to watch "Arachnophobia"? Or, to a lesser extent, "Home Alone"? XD

[Sliceanddice]

I have pretty bad arachnophobia pretty bad. At work once i grabbed a sleeve of napkins and on it was a teenie tiny little spider. I screamed so loud, droped the sleeve and did the 'get it off me dance'.
My SL ran back and thought i had been attacked or hurt my self.
I shouted "Spider, Spider! Kill it, Kill it, Kill before it kills me."
He rolled his eyes and squished it and called me a girl.
The cooks laughed at me.

I don't like getting napkins.

[Gravekeeper]

The size of the spider is directly proportional to the weight of the object I use to hit it with. Anything over an inch or so in length will also necessitate me dropping the object upon them, then jumping on top of the object with my full body weight until I am satisfied I have completely annihilated its mortal existence.

However, I only apply this method because I do not own firearms and its actually very difficult to hit a spider with a claymore. Not that I haven't tried.

I have not yet seen the beast tonight......

[JustADude]

Although I'm much more restrained than the acquaintance who put a shotgun blast through the basement wall, trying to kill one . . .

As for the spiders, thought they might startle me from time-to-time, I'm not scared of them. Now, change "spider" to "cockroach" and I'll need tranquilizers.

Actually, my best friend (who had crap-ass parents, but turned out well except for the lingering anger issues) once thought about killing himself and was saved by a well-timed cockroach. He was sitting in his room with a loaded .45 in his hand trying, according to how he tells it, to find one thing in his life worth living for when a roach ran across the wall in front of him. Apparently shooting things with semi-auto .45s is worth living for, because he says he felt worlds better after blowing the cockroach into tiny bits and putting a hole through his bedroom wall... right up until his parents ripped him a new one for firing a gun in the house.

Since it all ended well, I kinda imagine things from the roach's perspective and wonder if it even had time to go "Oh Cra-" before it went away.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I've held hissing cockroaches. Random I know, but they are very strokable, and a lot better to deal with than SCs.

[MadMike]

I have pretty bad arachnophobia pretty bad. At work once i grabbed a sleeve of napkins and on it was a teenie tiny little spider. I screamed so loud, droped the sleeve and did the 'get it off me dance'.

That reminds me of the time I saw a spider on the wall, and I took off my hat and used that to kill it. Anyone see where this is going?

After that, I didn't see it on the wall anymore, and I didn't see it on the floor either. I even looked inside my hat to make sure it didn't end up in there either, but saw nothing. So I put my hat back on.

Next thing I know, the spider is crawling down the side of my face!

I started flailing at it wildly, and knocked it off my face and sent it flying forward -- right onto my wife, who also started flailing and screaming, until she knocked it off herself, and it fell dead on the floor.

It's almost comical looking back on it now, but she doesn't think so. She still gives me crap for "throwing that spider on her."

[Ljt09863]

heres my spider story.....

one day, i went to work, and the only spot in the parking lot was under a tree. so, i get out of work, and its 9 P.M. and dark(i tihnk this was in fall of last year). im driving home, and i had just turned onto a street at a stoplight, and looked into my rearview mirror to see what was behind me.....but what was behind me didn't bother me. what was on the ceiling of my car and crawling towards my rearview mirror is what scared the hell out of me! it was a wolf spider..... my first thought was actually to stop the car and get out screaming, but i couldn't do that since there were now cars behind me. i pulled into a gas station and flew out of my car. i go and buy napkins and ask the guy behinds the counter if he will kill a spider. it seemed like he couldn't understand me since he kept asking me, "what?". so i gave up on hinm and went outside...

i saw a man finish filling up his car, and actually went and asked him if he would kill a spider. he looked at me like i was crazy. he said,"you want me to do what?" i explained the story....he asked me," how old are you?" im 20...... after much convincing that im actually 20, he finally came over to my car. he took a look at the spider, and said,"holy shit that is a big spider." he grabbed the napkins and tried killing it. when he came out of the car, the spider wasnt on the napkin. so he is searching for it, only to find it on my drivers seat!! he then gets it out onto the ground and steps on it. at this point, i see Mr. Spider(may he rest in pieces) had made a huge web in my back drivers side window. so i get that out. i thank the man, and we go our seperate ways.

i go home, and go to my fiance, and i tell him my story on how i almost died.....

[Becks]

Me: "Good morning, <company name>, can I help you?"
SC: "No, no you can't."

Alas, I am useless! My fragile self esteem is crushed. I weep.

If I were the SC (which I hope to never be), I would've said, "Yes, you can, but no you may not until you learn proper grammar." Neener.