Religious SC Behavior thread (Three part)

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

Not that I'm knocking religious people in general, I'm talking about the religious SC's who aren't able to take a polite no for an answer. You know them...the ones who feel it's their destiny to 'save your soul' because you don't follow their own particular brand of religion. In honor of the "Umm...ok" thread posted by Nick, I submit the following three stories and invite people to add thier stories.

Remember, I'm not bashing religion in general, just the individuals who have caused people grief so please keep it friendly.

First Story: This one is mine. I'm doing the March of Dimes Walk-A-Thon and I'm going to have some fun. I have this grand plan and I've plotted out every 7-11, Shore Stop, and anyother place I can get a soda...forget that crappy watered down gatorade they give out at the re-hydration stations.

Good plan, but a broken water main one hour before the event starts, blows that to 'eck.

The new route is now nowhere near a store and to make matters worse, being in the front 20% of the pack (fast walker) only the first 2 stations are manned. The remaining 3 are not set up.

So by the time I'm crossing the finish line I'm targeting the Shore-Stop across the street from the event and I'm making a bee-line straight for it.

As I get to the door in my zombie-like state of mindless determination to get a big honking, bladder-buster of a soda I fail to notice the group of religious protesters picketing the store since they carry soft-porn mags. I only noticed when an arm blocked my entrance to the store.

Cattle-prodding my neurons back to life I focus on him and listen to him stating something about the immorality of porn, the damnation of those selling and the risk to my soul just by going in there.

Did I mention that I just walked 15 KM (approx 9 miles) in 80+ degree heat with only 2 urine sample sized cups of water? My soul is fine, it's my body that needs salvation in the form of liquid...STAT!

Anyway I catch him taking a pause in his speech and I drop the bomb on him.

"Who gave you the right to usurp the will of God?"

"Huh? I don't understand."

"Clearly you don't. God gave us the choice of which path we wish to walk. The path of light in which we will recieve the rewards due us in the Kingdom of Heaven, or the path of darkness and spend eternity in a place where the love of God cannot and will not reach (AKA Hell). So by imposing your will upon me by blocking my entrance to this store, you are usurping the will of God by denying me the choice given to me by him. Besides, while your protest is legal, blocking me from going in isn't and could get you arrested."

[insert the sounds of a brain shorting out and the incoherent ramblings of a person unable to deal with someone verbally clubbing him like a baby harp seal with his own bible]

"Now excuse me, I need a Big Gulp and a crotch mag."

When I came out I had my playboy in hand (still in the wrapper so as not to show innappropiate material to the children at the store and walked back to my car.

Never would have bought it (had subscription to it already) if they hadn't pissed me off.

Stay Tuned for the next story.

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

Second Story

For my next story...

I have to tell you the tale of my ex-wife and something that happened to her before we were dating.

She had been bothered on numerious occasions by this lady who felt that Liz [not real name] needed to be saved since she wouldn't let her in and listen to her spiel.

Mind you Liz worked third shift at the hospital and was often asleep during the day when this woman would show up. Liz also has a bit of a temper when she's groggy and was often curt with her.

It's a summer day and it's reached 98 degrees out there and the heat index was over 100. Worse was the fact that the AC had blown out and the guy couldn't get there to fix it until later that evening. So Liz doing what she could to keep cool, grabbed a sheet and went to sleep in front of the fan with a mister set up in front of it and went to sleep on the vinyl couch sans clothes.

Woman shows up and rings the bell. Liz grabbs the sheet and wraps it around her to preserve modesty and answers the door. Sure enough, there's the woman with her child with her. We suspect that the woman hoped that Liz would be more polite if she brought a child...fat chance.

Before the woman could say anything Liz said "Lady, I'm a Satanist." and dropped the sheet and stood in her doorway starkers.

The woman gasped, grabbed her kid and ran. The kid wasn't even able to touch the ground for how fast she ran to her car. A screaching of tires and Liz never saw the woman again...ever.

Stay tuned for the third story

Mongo

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

Round three

Many of you already know, but for those who don't I belong to a medieval re-enactment group known as the Society for Creative Anachronisms (SCA).
A friend of mine in the SCA has a problem with making her own garb (period clothing), sleeves. She cannot sew on a sleeve with a sewing machine to save her life. To get around this she will wear the article and hand sew it on herself. Clumsey, but it works and works well for her. I've never seen one of her sleeve stitches fail.

Anywho she's doing a chemise (dress that goes under a regular dress) in white linen and here comes a pair of Mormons out to spread the word of God as they have interpreted it.

My friend, wearing nothing but the chemise and her undergarments doesn't even bat an eve and tells them "I'm sorry, I'm rather busy at the moment. You'll have to come back tomorrow and talk to my parents. I'm the virgin sacrifice." and closes the door on a pair of rather surprised teenagers.

Two adult Mormons came out to the house the next day to see what was going on. They met my friend who informed them that she was happy with her religion and that she was in a rush last night getting the dress ready and figured that it was the quickest way to get rid of the two teens on missionary. The adults actually laughed and went on their way. She wasn't bothered by any Mormons again.

So they're not really SC's, but the story was too funny not to post.

Let's hear your horror stories of sucky religious individuals (remember, no generic bashing). Just like the saying "While all rottweilers are dogs, not all dogs are rottweilers", the same goes for religion. The SC may come from [denomination], not all of [denomination] are SC's.

Mongo

[JustAGirl]

LMAO at those stories.

I don't have any near that good, yet. Just little annoying "here's a book for you" pamphlet they hand me as they are leaving my register, which I promptly rip in half and throw away. And the "pamphlet on the bulliten board at the apt building entrance" that gets ripped up and tacked back on the board...

EXCELLENT stories. Gives me ideas!

[protege]

We don't get many "door-to-door missionaries" out in the 'burbs for some reason. Too bad, as I'd like to mess with the rude ones a bit

For years though, they'd show up at my grandparents farm for some reason. Grandpa would tell them to 'get lost,' but in nicer terms and usually, they'd take a hint and leave. But, if not, he had his own way of getting rid of them. He would them tell them to "get the hell off my land." If they refused, he'd simply ask for his shotgun That usually had them *running* to their cars!

[stickycoins]

I found a real easy way to keep them away! I work late so I get up late. They were always knocking on my door at 8-9am. I made a sign that says:
Mabels whorehouse-Enter at your own risk. Haven't had one in at least 3 years!

[BrassCowboy]

Early when I began my job, we got a lot of religious people soliciting in the store. I guess my manager allowed it because once he got fired, they never came back again. Anyways, I remember that I could always tell who they were because they would stand in line without anything in their hands and they did not look lost or like a cigarette customer.

"Hi, I'm from the church --"

This is where I cut them off.

"Hold on. Let me get a manager."

The manager would actually talk to these people for like 20 minutes, and while he was talking, he could not be disturbed for petty things like authorizations or change.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Mongo, I'm SCA, too. Small world. Are you on TVU? Your device looks familiar.

[werewolffan98]

I have a story too,because at a store i work at A Christian SC insulted me about my Orientation and i told them to stop and afterwords they tried to read the bible to me and i said "get out!" "Yes you are being kicked out of a store by a Bisexual" Of course i never say him come back to the store again.

[Lehk]

i really want to put together some pamphlets and little books for other religions.

someone hands you a chick tract hand him right back a discordian pamphlet or a church of scientology flyer

[lordlundar]

One myself. I was waiting for a bus when this old lady sat next to me and things were fine for about 1 min. Then comes the fateful words. "Have you found the light of the holy jehova?"

Oh no. I swear these bible thumpers are taught to start off with a question.

My generic response pops up "I'm not interested, thank you." She then says "I noticed the book you were reading and felt that you haven't found the light..." and on while she's shoving a set of brocheurs at me.

I cut her off a few moments later with "Ma'am, I'm really not interested in your religion, I have my own beliefs." Finally shut her up.

The book? Siege of Darkness by R.A Salvatore. Part of the Drizzt Do'Urden series of books. Has a quote in there about religious beliefs.

"Speak not of Avatars. Show not proof that your god is the one true god. I grant you these beliefs without judgement, but if you grant me what is in my heart, then such truths are irrelevant."

Let's see the Bible-thumpers top that! The interesting part is, I live about 2 blocks away from a Jehovas Witness church (possibly the most notorious for doing this) and have only had them approach twice.

My dad had a fun one before I was born. He hunts for meat and at the time, prepped the meat himself. (my mom does it now) One time, a couple Jehova's witness evangelists knock on the door and my mom was working that day (registered nurse) so he answered the door. He didn't bother to put the knife down, so they see the bloody knife, bloody hands, and bloody shirt. They never opened their mouths for the shpiel. He said he never saw anyone run so fast before.

[AmericanZero8503]

I swear telling those Bible thumpers your jewish, gets them everytime. Some lady jumped my shit for saying Happy Holidays. Then I said "Well it's hard to concentrate on Christmas, when your boss makes you work through Hanukkah." She got so embarassed and walked off.

Sometimes I wonder how I tolerated living in a Red State for so long.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I always seem to get targeted by bible bashers; don't know why. Whenever I was approached in the street, I'd snap "Judge not lest ye be judged" at them, which nearly always worked. If they persisted, I'd say, "I'm a Satanist; bugger off." That got rid of them.

As for door to door people, we haven't seen any since that memorable day when 2 JWs knocked on our door during a day when my Dad was in a very bad mood. He ripped the door open and they hadn't even gotten a fraction of the way thru their spiel when he bellowed, "Get the f*** out of here before I set the dogs on you!" They ran so fast they dropped their leaflets.

Behind my dad, me and my little brother were almost crying with laughter. We had just one dog at the time, a dear little collie cross who'd be more likely to lick them to death.

[Tanasi]

I had just returned from RVN and was working 3rd shift at a slaughter house. One Saturday afternoon I was asleep and Mom was washing her car (right outside my window) for Sunday morning services. Well I don't know which kind were acosting her but I heard her say "I don't have time to talk I have a lot of work to do, please leave me alone." The pushy lady said "Don't you have a few minutes to share the good news?" Wanting to save these folks from getting the hose turned on them I piped up "Mom don't kill this bunch I'm too tired to dig another grave."
They never came back after that.

[LadyMage]

We don't have our local JWs anymore around here, but before, when I was a freshman, they would come in, talk to one of our security guards and give me pamphlets, which I promptly tossed in the trash.

When I was studying japanese, they brought me a pamphlet...in japanese. *headdesk*

The worst around here are the Subway Preachers. One time, a lady came onto my train and started shouting (talking loudly is one thing, but I could hear her over Benny Goodman and the subway, that was shouting allright) how we need to "be saved" and "Jesus is your savior, hallelujah!!!" and all was well and good, until she ripped out my earbud so as to make sure I hear it. I was incensed; I'm sorry, preach all you want but the second you touch me or my music, the gloves are off. I just growled at her, "DO NOT touch my music. EVER AGAIN!" and since it was my stop, I left, but with the satisfaction of her jaw on the subway floor.

I'm used to this; but seriously...I was ready to rip her a new one.

Mongo, your ex-wife is a genius, really. THAT...was classic.