Religious SC Behavior thread (Three part)

[alphaboi]

This story isn't about SC, but missionaries. My grandparents used to own a lake cottage. One time when I was about 5 yrs old my mom took me there. My dad was coming down the next day so it was just me, my mom, and our (rather large) dog. Two (male) Jehovah's Witnesses came to the door and wanted to talk to my mom. She politly told them she wasn't interested and asked them to leave. One of the JW stuck his foot in the door so she couldn't close it. This set our dog off an the JW ended up in the ER for stitches. He tried to sue, but the judge dismissed it. They where two adult men trying to force themselves into a house where a woman is alone with a 5 yr old and had the nerve to sue!

[Canarr]

Oh no, the poor creature... I hope you took him to the vet! That might've upset his stomach

[Jester]

Has anyone heard about the Flying Spaghetti Monster? Look it up on wiki-pedia. It's a really good inside joke and some people have dedicated their books to FSM for touching them with his noodle-ly appendage. It's freaking awesome and instead of the 10 commandments, it's the 10 'I'd rather you didn't' 's. Try explaining that to an extremist christian...their head might explode.

***UPDATE***- Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster website: http://www.venganza.org/

Funniest thing I have seen online since another member of customerssuck.com turned me on to Improv Everywhere!

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Anyone ever sticks a foot in my door to keep me from closing it I am going to assume means to rob or assault me and I will act accordingly.

Dragged a drunket frat boy through a parking lot once by his arm rolled up in my car window for that very reason. Window was open about 6 inches or so, he reached in and grabbed the steering wheel. Not only did he get dragged, but he got his arm stabbed while it was trapped in my car. That the glass didn't break is a miracle.

Maybe he'll think twice next time. Jerk.

[MystyGlyttyr]

We have a particular cult down here who likes to stick their newsletters on cars in the Wal-Mart parking lot. They very frequently end up on the wrong end of my purse/bolas...

Of course, you can really crush their spirits another way. I was approached once in the parking lot and rather than react violently, I just tilted my head and pretended to be enraptured with everything they were saying. When they finally got a break in their speech, I broke into a wide grin, and replied in flawless German, "Guten Tag! Wieder, danke, auf Deutsch?" Not a perfect translation of "Hi! Again, thanks, in German?" but enough to make them "realize" they've been wasting their breath on someone who doesn't speak English. They usually look all crestfallen and walk away, or sometimes they go "DO. YOU. SPEAK. ENGLISH?" Because saying it slowly and loudly makes it translate right into German, doy.

[cougar_guy04]

I've never had the pleasure of interacting with religous SC's, but my parents have had a few instances.

One morning, my dad had the day off and a couple of "missionaries" (I don't know what group it was, so I'm not gonna say who they were):
M:Good morning, sir. Have you found Jesus?
D: Yeh, he's in the garage. Get off my property.
Missionaries exit stage right quickly.

Another time, they approached my mom while she was gardening. Now, we have about 4 dogs at the time (Dalmatian, Cocker Spaniel, Shepard/Husky mix, Basset Hound) and when someone comes down the driveway, they raise hell (bark is worse than their bite, they're actually just big babies)! They asked her how she was doing, without even looking up, she said she'd be doing a lot better once she got the weak spots in the fence mended. "Uh, we'll leave to your work ma'am, sorry to interrupt you."

I come from a family of some mischievous people.

[Moirae]

My husband once answered the door to them with a bloody knife in his hand from when he was cooking dinner. He invited them in for the "sacrifice. The master is waiting". lol, they ran and never came back.

[RebeccaOTool]

I'm sitting in front of the library with a stack of books, waiting for my Mom to pick me up. Out of nowhere, this lady hails me.

L: Excuse me, Ma'am?
Me: (I'm old enough to be a Ma'am?) Yes?
L: I'm a Christian you see...(Hands me a Chick Tract)
Me: (Confused) Thats great, so am I.
L: Oh, good. Then you can pass it along. (Hurries inside)
Me: (WTF made her do that?) *Looks over book stack*
I had the novel *Rosemary's Baby* on top of the stack.

Not exactly rude, but pretty funny all the same.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Visiting an elderly aunt in Florida once when someone like that came to the door. Don't know what group. They knocked and she ignored them, watching her soaps. I offered to get the door, she said, "Nope. Damn preachers...." or something like that. they continued to knock. I guess they knew someone was home.

Eventually, she shuffled to the door, wrenched it open, and growled, "Don't you take a damn hint????"

They did then. Sheesh.

[Moirae]

I'll be moving soon. I think I'm going to put a sign on the door that says "No Solicitors. Yes, that means religion too. You may want to preach it but I don't want to hear it."

[Dips]

My oldest younger brother find religious tracts amusing in a weird sort of way. So he decided to start collecting them.

Whenever someone hands him a tract, he'll get a delighted grin on his face and says, "Oh, wow. Mint condition! Thanks!"

They never seem to know how to respond to that.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I'm very rude if someone hands me a leaflet. I just screw it up into a ball and chuck it on the floor, or in a bin if there's one nearby, right in front of them. Once, I burned one up with my lighter; I was a bit drunk and it seemed like a good idea... lucky I didn't burn myself.

[angelkirie]

I had the scariest lady the other day... Total grey haired fanatic, she was shopping with what looked like her 15 year old granddaughter who at first, I thought she had an attitude but after trying to help the grandmother, I realised the poor girl was just embarassed!

So I had just had part of my toenail removed because it was ingrown, and more than anything, was just limping so that it didn't hit the inside of my shoe.

This lady comes over and does the typical "I have a question!" and walks away, expecting me to follow her. (This has become a huge pet peeve of mine but every other customer does it!) So I'm limping across the department following her and she realizes this, asks what happened etc. She seemed really interested and I'm thinking 'Ok, maybe she gets ingrown toenails a lot and wants to know what its like to have one removed....'

So I finish my schpiel and she says "Do you mind if I pray for you?" Eh, some people really feel the need to do this, whatever. Why she wants to pray for my toe I don't know... but if it makes her feel better. I tell her "sure! that'd be great!" thinking she would go home and do.

No. She stops in the middle of the walkway, puts her arm around me, bows her head and starts going off. "lord I lift up... what's your name? ...angelkirie to you in the hopes that you will bring her toenail back better and stronger than ever..." I'm standing there with an apologetic look to all the people trying to go around us and this woman just keeps going!

I don't remember how that resolved itself but it was definitely a WTF moment.

[Rapscallion]

At least she meant well.

Rapscallion

[Tria]

LMAO at those stories.

I don't have any near that good, yet. Just little annoying "here's a book for you" pamphlet they hand me as they are leaving my register, which I promptly rip in half and throw away.

I had candles lit in my apartment for a cleansing rite when some JWs came to my door.... With their baby. I thanked them for bringing the sacrifice....(Kidding of course) Well, they didn't get the clue the first dozen times I told them I wasn't interested.

*Twitch* Don't interrupt the cleansing rites!