Lines Used at Work (from the old boards)

[Geminii]

"Get me a supervisor!"

"No."

[ArenaBoy]

Customer:"I forgot my pass they let me in before without it."
Me:"Oh well."

Customer:"I'm suite." (That god-awful pun)
Me:"No, pancakes with chocloate mixed with syrup is sweet."

Customer: "Why do you charge so much for parking?"
Me: "Because I have college books to pay for."

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Customer: (picking up a hammer that's on clearance for $3) What's the least you'll take for this?
Me: Three bucks.

Customer: Do you work here?
Me: As little as possible. Shhh, don't tell my boss!

[Knightmare]

I used this one today:

Cust: "Excuse me, do you work here?"
Me: "No, I just found this red vest of the floor. Don't I look good in it?"
And I even did a fashion twirl. I was retarded.

Used before:

When I was a loader: (Loading things into customer's vehicles)

FEMALE Cust: "So you're coming home with me, right?"
Me: Well, that depends on what for, and I'm not cheap!" *wink wink*

MALE Cust: (loaded a whirlpool bathtub into truck) "So you're going to come with me and help out? Ah ha ha ha."
Me: "Sorry, I'm allergic to bubbles."

Female Cust: (again, bathtub) "So are you going to come to my house and help me out?"
Me: "I don't think there would be enough room in there for both of us. But I'm willing to try." (Yes, I actually did say this to that customer, who was very cool. She had been in there many times, and I always was the one that loaded her vehicle. She knew I was joking around.)

In the Paint Department:

Cust: "I'd like the paint to match this fabric. This paint will go on my porch, and these are the curtains I'm putting in. I tried this color, but it doesn't match."
Me: "Sounds like my girlfriend. Her carpet doesn't match her drapes either."

At RadioShack:

Customer is talking to co-worker, telling him why he doesn't watch television. I am standing close by, listening. A few other co-workers and customers were close by.
Cust: "Blah blah blah.. That's why I don't watch television. Nothing but crap on all day long. Especially the History Channel. They repeat their shows all the time."
Me: "Well, you know what they say: History has a tendency to repeat itself."
I think the whole store groaned at that pun.

[powerboy]

I am always doing 1 liners. This happened last night

Coworker: How do I turn this ( New Remote ) off?
Me: Well you most likely have to push the off button.

[Mike Taylor]

One-liners I have actually used.

In a big-name toy store.

CUSTOMER ON PHONE: Is this the toy department?
ME: No ma'am, we sell luggage.

CUSTOMER: Do you have a 12-inch Woody?
ME: *smiling big in cheesy Phil Hartman voice* WHY YES I DO!
*Customer realizes what she just said and laughs.*

[skeptic53]

Them: "Nice to see you!"
Me: "It's nice to be visible!"

(quote from the defunct comic "Eyebeam" by Sam Hurt, I'm sure it wasn't original with him, but that's where I first saw it)