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....and they all had questions about their cable 
Severe Allergy to Peanuts and Account Numbers
I don't understand why so many people calling in have such an aversion to reading their account number. They will literally give us every piece of info they can possibly think of to avoid stating the Dread Sequence. Maybe they are afraid it will send them back to the fifth dimension?
This tends to cause callers to attempt a feeble version of the Jedi Mind Trick on me, only to get the tables turned:
Me: Can I have your account number please?
Them: *starts reading their phone number*
Me: No, I need your account number please.
Them: You mean my phone number?
Me. No. Your cable account number.
Them: I can give you my phone number or the account number, which one ya need?
Me: What? You think you're some kind of Jedi, waving your hand around like that? I'm a customer service rep, mind tricks don't work on me.
Samantha L. Jackson
Lady calls in wanting to know why there was a tag on the door saying the tech was there at about 9:30. A check of the notes shows her appointment was from 8-noon. I inform of her of this and the hilarity ensues:
Her: I specifically told the lady I set the appointment with that I wanted it after 12 noon!
Me: I'm sorry, but the order was placed from 8-12 and nothing is mentioned about being there after noon. That's why the tech was there at 9:30.
Her: WHY WOULD I AGREE TO THAT WHEN I DROP MY KID OFF AT SCHOOL AT 8? (how the F should I know, lady? I didn't make this appointment)
*fast forward many repeats of her yelling at me asking why the tech was there "early" (insinuating the tech was trying to skip out on the job) and me trying to explain that's when he was scheduled. to. be. there. *
Me: Ma'am, I'm just trying to explain to you why the tech was there when he was....
Her: *cutting me off* I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU SAY!!!
Now normally that would have pissed me right off, but she said it in the same tone Samuel L. Jackson says it in almost every movie he's in. Alas, my mirth is short lived when it becomes apparent that she has no interest in letting me speak at all and just wants to keep screaming like a banshee at me.
Me: I can try to explain to you what's going on, but I can't do that if you keep yelling at me.
Her: I'LL SAY WHAT I WANT CAUSE YOU AIN'T SAYING NOTHING BUT THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER (yeah, it's called "the facts", I know it sucks....)
Me: *while she's still in mid rant* Well I'm sorry I couldn't help you out, have a nice day!
One thing I love about my job is that management doesn't expect us to be punching bags for customers. We can hang in as long as we want, but if someone's just being a screaming, yelling asshat who won't let us talk we can just end the call on them.
The History Channel is Serious Business
Short but odd exchange that ramped up way faster than I expected.
Me: *spiel*, how may I help you
Slightly Stoner-Sounding College Dude: Yeah, I saw an ad for that show called the Universe on the History Channel, it said there's On Demand content for the show but I don't see it.
Me: Well let me look and see if I can find it for you.
I check the TV in the call center and look in the most logical place for it, nothing was there.
Me: There doesn't even seem to be a folder for the History channel under the TV Entertainment section. There might not be any content available at the moment, and if that's the case empty folders sometimes get hidden.
SSSCD: *suddenly way pissed off at these developments* Man, that's bullshit, why are you advertising something that isn't available? You're ripping us off!
Me: Well On Demand content isn't something we control. The companies that provide the content send it to us.
SSSCD: Yeah, whatever. FUCK YOU!! *slams phone*
Funny thing was, after he hung up on me I found the History Channel section. It was under News & World instead of TV Entertainment. Oh well, sucks for him. I noted his account in case he called back, but he can FOAD if he think I'm calling him back after that outburst.
When Mr. Always-Pays-On-Time Doesn't
This of course is a call I got 3 minutes before my shift ended. It took me 20 minutes for him to understand that yes, his bill is a month behind. Yes he has made a payment every month, but his December bill wasn't paid until January 18 and he needed to make another payment before the February bill came out to stay current. He didn't, and now he's got a past due amount. He actually had to yell for his wife to come and have me explain it to her since he just couldn't wrap his bean around the concept of paying late = past due balance. I was almost to the point of suggesting maybe his wife could explain using hand puppets.
Gah, thank the spirit beings for the weekend. Ironically I have a tech from my company coming out to my apartment to find out why some of my HD channels keep dropping sound every so often.
Severe Allergy to Peanuts and Account Numbers
I don't understand why so many people calling in have such an aversion to reading their account number. They will literally give us every piece of info they can possibly think of to avoid stating the Dread Sequence. Maybe they are afraid it will send them back to the fifth dimension?
This tends to cause callers to attempt a feeble version of the Jedi Mind Trick on me, only to get the tables turned:
Me: Can I have your account number please?
Them: *starts reading their phone number*
Me: No, I need your account number please.
Them: You mean my phone number?
Me. No. Your cable account number.
Them: I can give you my phone number or the account number, which one ya need?
Me: What? You think you're some kind of Jedi, waving your hand around like that? I'm a customer service rep, mind tricks don't work on me.
Samantha L. Jackson
Lady calls in wanting to know why there was a tag on the door saying the tech was there at about 9:30. A check of the notes shows her appointment was from 8-noon. I inform of her of this and the hilarity ensues:
Her: I specifically told the lady I set the appointment with that I wanted it after 12 noon!
Me: I'm sorry, but the order was placed from 8-12 and nothing is mentioned about being there after noon. That's why the tech was there at 9:30.
Her: WHY WOULD I AGREE TO THAT WHEN I DROP MY KID OFF AT SCHOOL AT 8? (how the F should I know, lady? I didn't make this appointment)
*fast forward many repeats of her yelling at me asking why the tech was there "early" (insinuating the tech was trying to skip out on the job) and me trying to explain that's when he was scheduled. to. be. there. *
Me: Ma'am, I'm just trying to explain to you why the tech was there when he was....
Her: *cutting me off* I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU SAY!!!
Now normally that would have pissed me right off, but she said it in the same tone Samuel L. Jackson says it in almost every movie he's in. Alas, my mirth is short lived when it becomes apparent that she has no interest in letting me speak at all and just wants to keep screaming like a banshee at me.
Me: I can try to explain to you what's going on, but I can't do that if you keep yelling at me.
Her: I'LL SAY WHAT I WANT CAUSE YOU AIN'T SAYING NOTHING BUT THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER (yeah, it's called "the facts", I know it sucks....)
Me: *while she's still in mid rant* Well I'm sorry I couldn't help you out, have a nice day!
One thing I love about my job is that management doesn't expect us to be punching bags for customers. We can hang in as long as we want, but if someone's just being a screaming, yelling asshat who won't let us talk we can just end the call on them.
The History Channel is Serious Business
Short but odd exchange that ramped up way faster than I expected.
Me: *spiel*, how may I help you
Slightly Stoner-Sounding College Dude: Yeah, I saw an ad for that show called the Universe on the History Channel, it said there's On Demand content for the show but I don't see it.
Me: Well let me look and see if I can find it for you.
I check the TV in the call center and look in the most logical place for it, nothing was there.
Me: There doesn't even seem to be a folder for the History channel under the TV Entertainment section. There might not be any content available at the moment, and if that's the case empty folders sometimes get hidden.
SSSCD: *suddenly way pissed off at these developments* Man, that's bullshit, why are you advertising something that isn't available? You're ripping us off!
Me: Well On Demand content isn't something we control. The companies that provide the content send it to us.
SSSCD: Yeah, whatever. FUCK YOU!! *slams phone*
Funny thing was, after he hung up on me I found the History Channel section. It was under News & World instead of TV Entertainment. Oh well, sucks for him. I noted his account in case he called back, but he can FOAD if he think I'm calling him back after that outburst.
When Mr. Always-Pays-On-Time Doesn't
This of course is a call I got 3 minutes before my shift ended. It took me 20 minutes for him to understand that yes, his bill is a month behind. Yes he has made a payment every month, but his December bill wasn't paid until January 18 and he needed to make another payment before the February bill came out to stay current. He didn't, and now he's got a past due amount. He actually had to yell for his wife to come and have me explain it to her since he just couldn't wrap his bean around the concept of paying late = past due balance. I was almost to the point of suggesting maybe his wife could explain using hand puppets.
Gah, thank the spirit beings for the weekend. Ironically I have a tech from my company coming out to my apartment to find out why some of my HD channels keep dropping sound every so often.