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Where's the period Key? (NOT kidding)

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  • Where's the period Key? (NOT kidding)

    Yesterday, I got a call for continued support. The customer just completed a virus scan as instructed by the previous tech. When I read the case notes, I knew it was a bullshit scan just to get the client off the phone. I also read the the client refused to let the agent use the remote access software (where we can see their desktop and move their mouse, etc).

    So I get him, and it's clear all he wants is his Internet Explorer data (cookies, temp files etc) removed.

    So, I figured I'll give him a try with the remote access - this time, I explain what it is and advise him it will make this much easier. Essentially, I tell him I am going to use it, rather than asking him. NEVER give clients an out or an opportunity to say no. As expected, he agreed.

    This is where the fun starts. He can't find the address bar in IE. So I figured I would have him enter the remote support address in the run command. He entered "www" but then he asked me where the period key is. I had to basically spend a couple of minutes explaining this. So FINALLY I have him type out the address but when I tell him to click OK, he puts in OK in the address bar next to the address and then clicks OK and of course I have to retype it all!

    Next after about 20 minutes of this (seriously), I finally start using the remote access, and use CCleaner to clean all his junk out in one swoop. I show him how to use it (just the basic part of it) and all is well... I hope.

    The guy at least thanked me for my patience, my boss said I deserved the patience of a saint award after that.

  • #2
    That's too funny. I love it also when you set up a dial up connection. You tell them to put in their username. When it gets to the "at" symbol, many will actually type in that word instead of the @ symbol. Or, when you tell them "it's the little 'a' with the circle around it", they type in the letter "a". Spent twenty minutes with one of those this week.

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    • #3
      i remember reading a list of the absolute stupidest tech center calls ever received.

      the best was a rep telling the customer "Ok, now right click your mouse."

      customer did as told.

      nothing happened.

      rep tries over. does his thing. tells customers to right-click mouse.

      again, nothing.

      the two repeat this a few times.

      finally rep asks did you right-click mouse?

      "Oh, yes."

      finally it dawns on rep that customer is WRITING "click mouse" on her screen.

      this story is so perfect it has to be fake.

      but i love it.

      at

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      • #4
        And to think I thought the stupidest person I ever dealt with was the one who couldn't find the start button.......

        Nope...it was the lady who couldn't find the SPACE BAR!
        Who is this rectal-cranial inverted twit....and where is my sledgehammer??

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        • #5
          ow Ow OW, TEH STOOPID, IT BURNS!

          Now I have to go fish my brain out of the food processor again.
          Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

          "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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          • #6
            I think my dimmest customer was the one who called in because her computer "won't do anything." In customerspeak, this can mean anything from "I can't get to Yahoo!" to "My computer is on fire."

            I finally managed to figure out that her computer had frozen. "The only thing to do now is just turn the computer off."

            Long pause... longer pause...

            Customer: How do I do that?
            Me: Try pressing the 'off' button.
            Customer: Where would I find that?
            Me: Probably on the front of the computer.

            Long pause... longer pause...

            Customer: Would be that the thing where the CDs go?
            Me: Yup.
            Customer: Okay, I see a button. I pressed it, but nothing happens. You need to send someone out.
            Me: Try holding the button in for four seconds.
            Customer: That worked. What'd you do to fix it?
            I was neat, clean, shaved and sober, and I didn't care who knew it. -- Raymond Chandler

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            • #7
              I had one guy tell me he didn't have an "address bar" & that it was his fault. He wouldn't go into detail, but then he advised me that his keyboard didn't have an "enter" key either. I just mailed the info he needed instead of helping him find the web site.
              The universe is mostly empty space, and so is your job. ~Dilbert

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              • #8
                I once spent an hour and a half with someone who kept mixing up left clicking and right clicking. I spent the entire time trying to help him find a folder on his computer. He claimed that he couldn't scan ROFL, it scanned perfectly he just couldn't find the file. I finally had to tell him to talk to a computer tech in person who could show him around becuase there was no way I could help him anymore after an hour and a half. Really, spending this much time on this was way out of my support boundaries.

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                • #9
                  Quoth ShockQueen View Post
                  I thought the stupidest person I ever dealt with was the one who couldn't find the start button.......

                  it was the lady who couldn't find the SPACE BAR!
                  How can anyone miss the space bar? It's the biggest key on the keyboard.
                  My Fanfic Page
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                  • #10
                    I can believe that - check out compaq FAQ....


                    http://www29.compaq.com/falco/detail...AQnum=FAQ2859&

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                    • #11
                      When I worked at the bookstore, we had about equal amounts of CD-ROM and floppy disk software (mid-90's). The first question I'd ask when helping a customer would be, "PC or Mac?" Then, "CD or floppy?" Once, I got a guy who gave me a blank look when I said "CD or floppy?" I asked, "Do you put round things or square things in it?" He brightened and said, "Oh! Round things."
                      He loves the world...except for all the people.
                      --Men at Work

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                      • #12
                        Quoth purplecat41877 View Post
                        How can anyone miss the space bar? It's the biggest key on the keyboard.
                        Because the word 'space' isn't engraved on it.
                        Figers are vicious I tell ya. They crawl up your leg and steal your belly button lint.

                        I'm a case study.

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                        • #13
                          I had to show the b/f where the start key was just a couple weeks ago. I was in my room, and he was in the living room, I even referred to it as "the windows key" and he still couldn't find either one of them.
                          The only words you said that I understood were "His", "Phone" and "Ya'll". The other 2 paragraphs worth was about as intelligible as a drunken Teletubby barkin' come on's at a Hooter's waitress.

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                          • #14
                            Quoth Auto View Post
                            finally it dawns on rep that customer is WRITING "click mouse" on her screen.
                            Haha!!! I told my husband this (he did some tech support during college) and he laughed so hard he nearly fell out of his chair.

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                            • #15
                              Quoth greensinestro View Post
                              That's too funny. I love it also when you set up a dial up connection. You tell them to put in their username. When it gets to the "at" symbol, many will actually type in that word instead of the @ symbol. Or, when you tell them "it's the little 'a' with the circle around it", they type in the letter "a". Spent twenty minutes with one of those this week.
                              "Shift 2. No, not the one on your numerical keypad... the one above the letters!"
                              "I call murder on that!"

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