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  • Don't Judge A Book by it's Cover

    Well, they say you shouldn't, but tell me this: If the cover of said book had a picture of a voluptuous young lady clad only in a red satin bedsheet, strategically placed to dodge local, state and federal indecency law, well, would it be safe to say it's probably NOT THE COVER OF A COOKBOOK?!

    Likewise, as soon as I picked up the phone, the first 4 words out of this gentleman's mouth had me convinced I was about to waste a good 3 minutes of my life I'd never get back, to say nothing of the drawl he had.

    First words out of his Gomer Pyle Gob: "Ya'll tow cars, right?"



    Nah, we're just a front for a branch of the Columbo Crime Family, better call someone else. Well, with mental capability of that caliber, you can imagine what I was steeling myself for as I said "Yes"

    "Ah, good, you know where the woodlands are, right?"

    "Woodland? The only woodland I know of is the Woodland exit off I80, up past Podunkville and Outer Podunkville....

    "Nah, I mean the woodlands on Rt. 45"

    "You mean the state game lands?"

    "Yeah, I'm out here in the woods, and someone's got their car parked back here, and you need to come tow it cuz' it's in my way"

    "Uh, we can't just up and tow off state property, you'll need to call the State Police, or more likely, the DCNR (Forestry Service)"

    "But you tow illegally parked cars, don't ya? This one shouldn't be back here!"

    "We can only tow if the property owner tells us to, you'll need to contact the state and have them call us, or whoever they feel like calling to get anything back there towed that isn't yours."

    "What? Look, I just want to go hunting, they're blocking the trail, and man, I do NOT have time to wait out here all day for them!"

    Oh yes you do! *CLICK*

    Lesse, 1 minute 15 seconds wasted, got out of that one easier than I thought I would, but still, I'll be cursing him from my deathbed nonetheless if the nurse bringing me my pills gets delayed by that much time.... it's all YOUR fault! You hear me you dumb hillbilly???

    In retrospect, I should have asked Cletus for his Mom's phone number, so I could call her up and get a few questions answered. Namely, was your son always this dumb? Or did he only start manifesting these symptoms after the mule kicked him in the head for the fifth time? I might get some real insight into the nature v. nurture argument.

    And it's only Monday.....
    - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

  • #2
    Quoth Argabarga View Post
    Well, they say you shouldn't, but tell me this: If the cover of said book had a picture of a voluptuous young lady clad only in a red satin bedsheet, strategically placed to dodge local, state and federal indecency law, well, would it be safe to say it's probably NOT THE COVER OF A COOKBOOK?!
    ....I'm so tempted to self-publish a cookbook with that type of cover now. Just to contradict this statement
    My NaNo page

    My author blog

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    • #3
      Quoth Kheldarson View Post
      ....I'm so tempted to self-publish a cookbook with that type of cover now. Just to contradict this statement
      Nanny Ogg's Cookbook?
      I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
      Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
      Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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      • #4
        Cooking for the Ambitious Young Witch of Today
        My Guide to Oblivion

        "I resent the implication that I've gone mad, Sprocket."

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        • #5
          Quoth Tama View Post
          Cooking for the Ambitious Young Witch of Today
          Now with an organic section, and new updated recipes for free range children.
          - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

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          • #6
            Quoth Argabarga View Post
            In retrospect, I should have asked Cletus for his Mom's phone number, so I could call her up and get a few questions answered. Namely, was your son always this dumb? Or did he only start manifesting these symptoms after the mule kicked him in the head for the fifth time? I might get some real insight into the nature v. nurture argument.
            Also ask her to confirm if Cletus is his brother's son.
            PWNADE(TM) - Serve up a glass today! | PWNZER - An act of pwnage so awesome, it's like the victim got hit by a tank.

            There are only Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because I choose to walk!

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            • #7
              Quoth dalesys View Post
              Nanny Ogg's Cookbook?
              Oh dear god, I'll never get that visual out of my head now...


              By the way, here is a quote from Nanny Ogg: "Few authors can make a long-term living out of poisoning their readers, at least physically."
              When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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              • #8
                You want awful images? In the map of ankh morpork book there's a "flier" of a strip club featuring a troll.
                My Guide to Oblivion

                "I resent the implication that I've gone mad, Sprocket."

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                • #9
                  Quoth Tama View Post
                  You want awful images? In the map of ankh morpork book there's a "flier" of a strip club featuring a troll.
                  Meh. Whatever gets your rocks off...
                  I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                  Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                  Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth Argabarga View Post
                    Well, they say you shouldn't, but tell me this: If the cover of said book had a picture of a voluptuous young lady clad only in a red satin bedsheet, strategically placed to dodge local, state and federal indecency law, well, would it be safe to say it's probably NOT THE COVER OF A COOKBOOK?!
                    Quoth dalesys View Post
                    Nanny Ogg's Cookbook?
                    I would not ever want to see Nanny Ogg in that outfit. Magrat maybe, but Nanny Ogg? No way, no how.
                    "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

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                    • #11
                      Of course you can judge a book by it's cover. I mean you take one look at a dresden files book and you can tell, this guy wears hats.
                      Interviewer: What is your greatest weakness?
                      Me: I expect competence from my coworkers.

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                      • #12
                        Quoth gremcint View Post
                        Of course you can judge a book by it's cover. I mean you take one look at a dresden files book and you can tell, this guy wears hats.
                        Lies! Lies I tell you!
                        My NaNo page

                        My author blog

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                        • #13
                          was wondering how long that would take.
                          Interviewer: What is your greatest weakness?
                          Me: I expect competence from my coworkers.

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                          • #14
                            waitaminit....

                            The car he wanted towed was blocking the hunting trail? Trail, not road? As in something you WALK on?

                            Why the frell couldn't he just WALK AROUND THE FRIGGIN' CAR?
                            I will not be pushed, stamped, filed, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered. My life is my own. --#6

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                            • #15
                              Quoth Argabarga View Post
                              Well, they say you shouldn't, but tell me this: If the cover of said book had a picture of a voluptuous young lady clad only in a red satin bedsheet, strategically placed to dodge local, state and federal indecency law, well, would it be safe to say it's probably NOT THE COVER OF A COOKBOOK?!
                              .
                              Unless its Nigella's latest book
                              Be Nicer To Retail Workers 2K18, also known as: stop being an incredibly shitty human to people just doing their job.

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