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Except, not really.... read on and find out why.
Yup, the frequently not-heard-from evening shift guy, whose work history is long stretches of nothing exciting interspersed with the occasional good yarn, had another one of those rare blockbusters that break up the long string of duds.
Seems he was minding himself on a cold winter's night here when a horn goes off on the other side of the impound fence, a couple times.
This area is what little real estate can be squeezed between the impound lot fence and the street/sidewalk outside. Basically, a single row of out-of-the-way parking where long-term dead cars are put until the mechanics here can get around to looking at them.
Thus, hearing a car braying like an automated mule in the dead of night just outside the fence isn't that unusual. The death rattle of a vehicle's failing electrical system, the kind that gets you towed in here for service, can cause all kinds of things to just spontaneously go off, like your hazard lights, or your horn, so Yup thinks nothing of it, at first.
But the horn keeps going off, and it's not the rhythmic pulsating of an alarm horn, but a sporadic one, the kind that you only really get when a human (or possibly cat) is playing with one.
When he hears a fifth blast, Yup decides to investigate and finds that one of the cars in the row has the door open, the dome light one, and someone inside fiddling with it.
"Hey, you need some help there buddy?"
"Yeah, I'm just, *mumble* *mumble* my car"
"What?"
"No, I'm *mumble* *mumble* fine.... yeah, I'm just *mumble* my car"
"So it's your car?"
"Yeah"
Right away, Yup knows this is high-grade fertilizer, the car this person is mucking about in has been here for several days, in fact, Yup himself might have been the one who parked it there last week. He never met the owner face to face, but he knows this guy ain't him.
But that certainly explains the honking, the guy seems a bit, intoxicated, so much so that he's having a hard time getting the key into the ignition, and his missing is what's causing him to rap on the horn button.... Yup is kinda surprised he was cognizant enough to FIND the keys in the cup holder, which is where they were.
Now, "Why would you leave the keys IN a car, an unlocked car, out in the open?", I hear you ask. That's a thing right up there with putting tin foil in a microwave and resurrecting Dracula on the "This WILL cause trouble, don't do it" shortlist.
Well, it's simple.
Like an old married couple, the key and computer in this car have decided to not talk to each other, with both blaming the other for the problem. Until we tow the car over to the counselor, er, dealership to have it re-programed (in the fun not-Orwell's-1984 kind of way), it's just not going to start, even with the key, it won't even crank.
So they didn't see the harm in leaving the keys in the car and leaving it unlocked. Little did they know it attracted.... this guy. Who is trying, for reasons that only make sense to him, to start it, oblivious to the fact that he's too hammered to put the square peg in the right hole, let alone the fact that even when he gets it right, the car won't fire up.
The real owner would know that.
Yup casually takes 10 paces back and dials the police.
Ossafer Friendly soon responds, walks up to the car, and has the exact same conversation with the guy.
He then handles Hotwire Joe into the back of a squad car and comes over to Yup, "I don't know what's up with this guy, he seems pretty wasted, so we're gonna cite him with public intox and disorderly conduct unless you had anything else".
"Nah, that sounds good" Yup says, "He didn't damage anything, thanks".
See? Told you it wasn't very Grand, because it was a Z-list criminal who probably won't even remember what he was doing come the sober morn', and not very Theft because he didn't get away with it, and, well, it was all over a Chevy Equinox
Told you it wasn't much "auto" either.
But credit where it's due, that was the first time anyone ever tried SHOPLIFTING from us.
Yup, the frequently not-heard-from evening shift guy, whose work history is long stretches of nothing exciting interspersed with the occasional good yarn, had another one of those rare blockbusters that break up the long string of duds.
Seems he was minding himself on a cold winter's night here when a horn goes off on the other side of the impound fence, a couple times.
This area is what little real estate can be squeezed between the impound lot fence and the street/sidewalk outside. Basically, a single row of out-of-the-way parking where long-term dead cars are put until the mechanics here can get around to looking at them.
Thus, hearing a car braying like an automated mule in the dead of night just outside the fence isn't that unusual. The death rattle of a vehicle's failing electrical system, the kind that gets you towed in here for service, can cause all kinds of things to just spontaneously go off, like your hazard lights, or your horn, so Yup thinks nothing of it, at first.
But the horn keeps going off, and it's not the rhythmic pulsating of an alarm horn, but a sporadic one, the kind that you only really get when a human (or possibly cat) is playing with one.
When he hears a fifth blast, Yup decides to investigate and finds that one of the cars in the row has the door open, the dome light one, and someone inside fiddling with it.
"Hey, you need some help there buddy?"
"Yeah, I'm just, *mumble* *mumble* my car"
"What?"
"No, I'm *mumble* *mumble* fine.... yeah, I'm just *mumble* my car"
"So it's your car?"
"Yeah"
Right away, Yup knows this is high-grade fertilizer, the car this person is mucking about in has been here for several days, in fact, Yup himself might have been the one who parked it there last week. He never met the owner face to face, but he knows this guy ain't him.
But that certainly explains the honking, the guy seems a bit, intoxicated, so much so that he's having a hard time getting the key into the ignition, and his missing is what's causing him to rap on the horn button.... Yup is kinda surprised he was cognizant enough to FIND the keys in the cup holder, which is where they were.
Now, "Why would you leave the keys IN a car, an unlocked car, out in the open?", I hear you ask. That's a thing right up there with putting tin foil in a microwave and resurrecting Dracula on the "This WILL cause trouble, don't do it" shortlist.
Well, it's simple.
Like an old married couple, the key and computer in this car have decided to not talk to each other, with both blaming the other for the problem. Until we tow the car over to the counselor, er, dealership to have it re-programed (in the fun not-Orwell's-1984 kind of way), it's just not going to start, even with the key, it won't even crank.
So they didn't see the harm in leaving the keys in the car and leaving it unlocked. Little did they know it attracted.... this guy. Who is trying, for reasons that only make sense to him, to start it, oblivious to the fact that he's too hammered to put the square peg in the right hole, let alone the fact that even when he gets it right, the car won't fire up.
The real owner would know that.
Yup casually takes 10 paces back and dials the police.
Ossafer Friendly soon responds, walks up to the car, and has the exact same conversation with the guy.
He then handles Hotwire Joe into the back of a squad car and comes over to Yup, "I don't know what's up with this guy, he seems pretty wasted, so we're gonna cite him with public intox and disorderly conduct unless you had anything else".
"Nah, that sounds good" Yup says, "He didn't damage anything, thanks".
See? Told you it wasn't very Grand, because it was a Z-list criminal who probably won't even remember what he was doing come the sober morn', and not very Theft because he didn't get away with it, and, well, it was all over a Chevy Equinox
Told you it wasn't much "auto" either.
But credit where it's due, that was the first time anyone ever tried SHOPLIFTING from us.
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