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A canonical list of SCs

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  • #61
    The "...and stuff" lady.

    Lady came in, and was asking about the water in her fish tank being a little off, so I directed her to the water conditioners/treatments, and asked a few questions to help narrow down exactly what she might need. I swear, I have never heard anyone, not even a valleygirl type, use the phrase "and stuff" so many times in the span of 5 minutes. It was nearly after every 5 words, she even used it twice in a row without anything else in between. I could literally feel the brain cells committing suicide inside my head. You wouldn't have even found that kind of dialogue in an old, badly written movie.

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    • #62
      The Relay Team: This is the husband and wife team that calls you on the phone. Hubby has a question but doesn't do conversation, so he directs his wife to call it in. Of course it's a ridiculously vague question, and your every attempt to narrow it down has to be passed on to Hubby and back through his wife. God forbid he should have to talk to you himself.
      Lack of freedom can be measured directly by lack of stupid. --Penn Jillette

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      • #63
        I'm too tired to read back 7 pages to see if this is posted already. :P

        The Singer:
        S/he may or may not be your average SC. They may even be totally polite, prepared and wonderful overall.

        However, after they have wandered your store for an hour...

        1. Singing off key
        2. Singing songs you hate
        3. Singing songs they don't actually know the lyrics to
        4. Any combination thereof including all aformentioned at once

        ...you simply want to throttle them or at least give them free candy so they can't torture you anymore.
        It's especially bad when you can tell by the way the person acts that others have misguided them into the belief that they can sing exceptionally well. Unfortunately, most of them should not be allowed to sing underwater.
        "I don't want any part of your crazy cult! I'm already a member of the public library and that's good enough for me, thanks!"

        ~TechSmith 314
        HellGate: London

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        • #64
          The fat conserative

          The fat conservative-Blabs on about how the democrats are screwing this country up, and gives you a hard time about his bread, and looks at you like your a low income high school dropout and thinks that he can treat you as such. Gives you an angry look if you look at his daughter and he automatically thinks you like her and grabs the shopping cart out of your hand. Also, he weighs 300 lbs and smells like s----t.
          Whasup everybody, its chris in the house!

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          • #65
            I'll chime in a few from the phonelines....


            The Detective:

            This is the one who believes that you or your company actually has a special policy of withholding information or services unless someone is "smart enough" to ask for them repeatedly. They will ask for the same information, product or service over and over claiming that you really do know it/have it/can do it for them. Will insist your denial is just an act.

            Bonus points if they try to use "evidence" such as "I saw it on 60 Minutes!" against you.


            The Consulater

            Whenever you attempt to get any information from this SC, they put the phone down or turn away from you to go consult someone else in the background. After a muffled discussion, they will return with the required information. They may do this for every single question you ask until you're looking at the pen on your desk wondering if it could pierce an artery.


            The Friend You've Never Met Before

            I'm sure you've ALL seen or heard this guy. He's the one who immediately begins referring to you as "Pal", "Friend", "Bro" or "Buddy. I loath this man with the fire of a thousand suns. It's *always* a man too.

            He will attempt to plead or justify whatever stupid request he may have by using lines like "Ah, come on bro, just between us?" "Hey, cut me a break, we're pals right?".



            Wheel's Spinning but the Hamster's Dead

            People who take a ridiculously long time to process, comprehend, consider or meditate on even the simpliest question. May act like they've never been asked that question before even if it's something like their phone number or address.



            Living under a Rock

            SC's who draw a complete blank when you ask a question using an extremely common term for a piece of information. Such as the term "Postal code", "Zip code", "ID", "Credit Card", etc. After you explain they'll go "Oh! Yeah, I've never heard it called that before."

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            • #66
              Oh, and one more.......


              Personal Emergency

              Unless you work in some sort of emergency service like I have the misfortune of doing you may have never encountered this wonderful speciman. They'll typically call in the middle of the night with some utterly insignificant problem. They will insist that you get a hold of a property manager, technician, security guard etc for their problem.

              When you inform them their issue is not considered an emergency they will use the one line that drives me *insane*.

              "But it's an emergency to ME!"

              This is their mantra and it seems universal. Without fail almost everyone who calls an emergency line with some stupid little problem and is denied will use that line. There are few one liners in my years of being an operator that completely eliminate my will to assist a caller faster then that one.

              Leaves me privately hoping they get set upon by wolves next time they leave their house. =p

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              • #67
                Quoth Gravekeeper View Post
                They may do this for every single question you ask until you're looking at the pen on your desk wondering if it could pierce an artery.
                Congratulations. Thanks to that line, I have now officially violated Rule #1...and with Carnation Instant Breakfast, no less!

                "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                Still A Customer."

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                • #68
                  1. Singing off key
                  2. Singing songs you hate
                  3. Singing songs they don't actually know the lyrics to
                  4. Any combination thereof including all aformentioned at once
                  We have a guy that comes in our store that chirps like a bird and it drives me nuts. I find it incredibly annoying - like the cricket that is stuck in the wall or something.

                  I am so tempted to tell him to shut the f up.
                  The customer is always right until I decide he isn't.

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                  • #69
                    I work part-time nights at a liquor store...

                    The Oggler- dirty-looking guy who comes in EVERY NIGHT you work to walk around the store, get a small bottle of alcohol and then proceed to oggle you and ask you personal questions as you ring him up. bonus points if he actually thinks you are interested or that he has a chance.

                    The Drunken Fool-comes in right before closing time followed by partially sober friend, stumbling around, mumbling completely incoherent nonsense and buys ANOTHER bottle of vodka as friend apologizes profusely. Bonus points if he tries to pick a fight with your friend (Male) who just got there to visit you. Extra bonus points if he manages to break some merchandise.

                    The Snooty Wine Drinker- comes in occasionally (definitely not as much as the previous two) to stand in the wine section and look at every single bottle, then ask you tons of questions about wine, to which you have absolutley no answers.

                    The You-Never-Have-The-Beer-I-Like- Comes in once a week to see if you have FINALLY gotten the only kind of beer he drinks. Realizes you still haven't and walks out mumbling harsh words. Once you finally begin to stock it for him, he stops coming in and no one else buys it!
                    "Most lies about blondes are false."
                    - Cincinnati Times-Star, headline
                    "If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life." --Tommy Lasorda

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                    • #70
                      The Illiterate (frequent's book/video/music retailers): Anonymous "customer" who always puts stuff back in places where it clearly doesn't belong (a VHS copy of "Somewhere in Time" in the action section of DVDs). This person could just be lazy, but if they're this lazy, they're probably illiterate too (as a result of being to lazy to learn to read).
                      Last edited by boffomusic; 09-24-2006, 05:32 AM.

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                      • #71
                        Here are a few I can think of, (one might be offensive to some):

                        Desperately seeking a restroom
                        These ones look around in every corner of a store for a restroom. They even try walking back into the warehouse or any other off-limits area to customers thinking there's a restroom somewhere back there even though there is no restroom sign. When you ask if you can help them or tell them they can't walk back there, they get all offended and say they're looking for a restroom. Me (inside): Excuse me, but did you see a sign for a restroom back here? All you have to do is ask and someone will point you in the direction of the restroom.

                        I have X disability so I need priority service type
                        Now, I have no issues with people with disabilities. I even have some mild disabilities myself. When people who have disabilities, that are still capable of doing many or most things for themselves, either come into the store or call up demanding or whining about needing a certain service or product, use their disability as some sort of crutch that in their minds means they should always get immediate service. I can understand it when it's an issue that is potentially life threatening to them, but people are quite capable of living without a tv or computer--they've done so for centuries, those completely healthy or those that are sick or disabled.

                        Too cheap to use directory assistance or too lazy to use a phonebook
                        Your company has a local or a toll free number, so they call you up and ask you what the number is for their local store or for the number of a competitor. When you don't have this information available and suggest they check a phonebook or dial 411, they complain and say, "That takes too much time" or "That costs money"

                        Always wants your superior everytime they call no matter their question or issue
                        Everytime these folks call they want to speak to a superior no matter what their problem is. Sometimes they yell and scream at you, sometimes they don't. Whatever the problem is though, they think you are completely uncapable of taking care of their problem. If you ask what it is they need before you transfer them to your busy and overstressed superior they get upset that you even ask. If you ask your boss about it later, it was usually something you could have helped them with.

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                        • #72
                          Quoth AFpheonix View Post
                          The Medicaid patients that shouldn't be: Get all peeved if there's a small copay on something (usually the case for some narcotics or uber-expensive meds) yells for a bit, whips out a freaking razr cell phone to call someone, then grudgingly pulls out an italian leather wallet out of their gucci purse and tosses a few bucks at you. These ones piss me off more than anything. >
                          I think these people are related to the
                          *Professional Babymama: often seen roaming around the store with a gaggle of small children in their cart. Babymama is always seen dressed in designer labels, with beautiful hair and freshly manicured nails. They mainly come in to reload their food stamp cards or cash their assistance checks.

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                          • #73
                            It reminds me of the one who walks by looking at what you have and leaves. They return a few minutes later looking at the same things and leaves. When you ask if they need any help "No, just looking. Thanks." and then return once again to just look. I call them the Lookie Losers.

                            Quoth Mark Healey View Post
                            [no handle for this one]. - A lonely person who insist on hanging in the store and engaging you in conversation about his weird obsession.


                            I'm sure the rest of you will have additions to this list.
                            "Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is DONE!"
                            "I'm going crazy, want to come along?"

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                            • #74
                              The Lap Runner: (not really sucky, just amusing). This one older guy who smells like pee and clearly has some form of cognitive delay , who visits the store just about every day, and has a habit of going through the automatic entrance doors, then back out the automatic exit doors, then back through the entrance doors, then back out the exit doors. Does this about 3 or 4 times before finally entering the store for good.

                              The Barstool Customer: People (I'll be charitable and call them "morons") who buy a bunch of barstools, get them loaded up, get them home, put them together--and then find out the stools are the wrong size (usually they error on the side of the stools being too short for the counter, table or bar). So then the moron tosses the barstools back in the vehicle and brings them back and returns them, and then somebody, usually Yours Truly, has to figure out what to do with a bunch of assembled barstools because we already have them on display.

                              There's a wonderful invention out there. It's called a tape measure. Use it!

                              Monosyllabic Guy:

                              MG: (to me) Hey!
                              I.P: Yes, can I help you find something?
                              MG: Light bulbs!
                              I.P: (thinking "Yes, light bulbs. What about them?") Right this way, I'll take you over to them
                              MG: (upon arriving at light bulbs) Hmmmph!
                              I.P: Anything else I can help you find today?
                              MG: No!
                              I.P: Okay, thank you.
                              MG: Thanks!
                              Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                              "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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                              • #75
                                The Talk over you SC: This SC is annoying and talks over you when you are trying to give info to the customer.
                                The Grand Galactic Inquisitor hears all and sees all.

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