These responses would probably cause me to fail a QA audit, so I can't say these things to customers.
Without further adieu....
1. When a customer tells me, "I decline the inside wiring protection, if it turns out to be an inside issue I'll do the wiring myself...."
I'm thinking, "Yeah well to be honest I'm not trusting of your own handiwork. Oh, and our service plan does not cover improper installation damage so if you do the wiring yourself, screw something up and then try to get the service plan to get out of paying for it you're in for a rude awakening.
*2. When a customer tells me, "You installed the jacks when you put the service in, if you are telling me that I need to pay to get them fixed or buy a service plan for them then I'm canceling my service...."
I'm thinking, "Don't yell at us. Yell at Uncle Sam for including a rider in the Telecom Act in the 1990's that made the homeowner responsible for inside wiring the moment it gets installed. Don't like it? Get the service plan. "
*3. When a customer tells me, "You mean to tell me that even though my modem is 4 years old and long out of warranty, that I have to pay for a modem when I'm paying you for service? This is bullshit! I want to cancel! !!!eleventy!!!!"
I'm thinking, "Bring your out-of-warranty car to the dealer for repairs and tell the service lead that because you're still making loan payments you should not be charged for the service. See how far that will get you."
And yes, I actually knew someone that tried that on his dealer. He didn't get very far though.
**4. When a customer tells us, "I just got an email saying that even through we know there is a slow speed problem in your area we are not going to upgrade there because it would be cost prohibitive to do so! You suck, all you care about is profits and bla bla bla!"
We are thinking, "Put yourself in our shoes. Would you spend many thousands of dollars adding new capacity to an area that only has 1,000 people which around half probably don't even own a computer, or spend the same amount of money and upgrade an area that has 10,000 people? If you don't like it and now got confirmation that we are never going to upgrade your bumblef*ck middle-of-nowhere town, move if you want decent internet."
*When a customer plays the I want to cancel card, we have to transfer him/her to retention, where 90% of the time they just cave anyway.
** A co-worker who works the online chat got this one. He really didn't know what to say (type?) to the guy.
Without further adieu....
1. When a customer tells me, "I decline the inside wiring protection, if it turns out to be an inside issue I'll do the wiring myself...."
I'm thinking, "Yeah well to be honest I'm not trusting of your own handiwork. Oh, and our service plan does not cover improper installation damage so if you do the wiring yourself, screw something up and then try to get the service plan to get out of paying for it you're in for a rude awakening.
*2. When a customer tells me, "You installed the jacks when you put the service in, if you are telling me that I need to pay to get them fixed or buy a service plan for them then I'm canceling my service...."
I'm thinking, "Don't yell at us. Yell at Uncle Sam for including a rider in the Telecom Act in the 1990's that made the homeowner responsible for inside wiring the moment it gets installed. Don't like it? Get the service plan. "
*3. When a customer tells me, "You mean to tell me that even though my modem is 4 years old and long out of warranty, that I have to pay for a modem when I'm paying you for service? This is bullshit! I want to cancel! !!!eleventy!!!!"
I'm thinking, "Bring your out-of-warranty car to the dealer for repairs and tell the service lead that because you're still making loan payments you should not be charged for the service. See how far that will get you."
And yes, I actually knew someone that tried that on his dealer. He didn't get very far though.
**4. When a customer tells us, "I just got an email saying that even through we know there is a slow speed problem in your area we are not going to upgrade there because it would be cost prohibitive to do so! You suck, all you care about is profits and bla bla bla!"
We are thinking, "Put yourself in our shoes. Would you spend many thousands of dollars adding new capacity to an area that only has 1,000 people which around half probably don't even own a computer, or spend the same amount of money and upgrade an area that has 10,000 people? If you don't like it and now got confirmation that we are never going to upgrade your bumblef*ck middle-of-nowhere town, move if you want decent internet."
*When a customer plays the I want to cancel card, we have to transfer him/her to retention, where 90% of the time they just cave anyway.
** A co-worker who works the online chat got this one. He really didn't know what to say (type?) to the guy.
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