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Well, it was only a Matter Of Time...

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  • Well, it was only a Matter Of Time...

    Alright ladies and gents, it's finally time for a DarthRetard special. It's not Knights of The Retail Counter suck, though it was pretty epic in the way of failure. Failure not unlike that of watching a four year old trying to pour a gallon of milk into a sippy cup while dancing to the Wiggles in a crowded halloween party.

    I now work at General Nutrition Centers, or, you know, that place with the fit guys who talk about body building and crap like that.

    Yesterday a couple of mildly attractive young ladies come in, and we're shooting the breeze, when this convo goes down:

    G1: Do you have any European products?
    Myself: As in, products from europe? (I'm a smartass, I know, but it wasn't intended that way, I was just confused.)

    G1: Yes, I believe that's what I meant. (Touche mon cher. Touche)

    Myself: Ah, no, we generally don't, not sure why though. Are you from Europe? Where from?

    G1: Bosnia!

    Myself: Oh, that's pretty cool, I haven't met anyone from Bosnia before.

    G1: Yeah, I bet not. You probably don't even know where that is.

    Myself, being the ever persistent douchebag extroardinaire: Nope, I just remember seeing it in Eastern Europe somewhere when my cousin spent two years serving in the military over there just dicking around preventing genocide and whatnot.

    Am I a bastard or what?


    "Hey, buddy!"

    I maintain that this is the most consistently annoying phrased used in catching my ever growing lack of attention. It's lack of respect, formality, and assumption of friendship as opposed to a business relationship desginates to me that anyone mouthing this statement, is, probably, a complete and utter douchebag.

    Coming from the mouth of, this time, a New Yorker (everyone knows they're my favorite flavor of douche! I like to bite the ears off first...), I was easily given grounds for proof of my thesis. It goes a little something like this:

    DB:Hey, Hey, BUddy, Cumeeh(come here, for those who don't speak brooklyn)

    Myself: What can I do for you today, sir?

    DB: Lemme tell you something, ever try some of those tribulus capsules? (They're for testosterone, but as we're all about to discover, they work for a numbe rof different reasons....)

    Myself: No sir, but I've heard the testosterone output is excellent from what my customers tell me.

    DB: You should try em, young fella! (He's like 25...) They make your cum shots twice as huge!

    Myself: Sir, honestly. If I needed that piece of info, I would have asked for it. Do they really? (Now I'm curious.)

    DB: Yeah, my wife loved it, right honey?
    DB's Wife: Yeah, it was great, I've never seen so much!!!

    Just so happens I bought three bottles. Just kidding, one's enough.

    Be back later with more kiddies, dinner's ready.

  • #2
    *wince*
    Okay, it's not so bad I need brain bleach, but still, telling anyone who did not specifically request to know how your significant other felt about your orgasm is just... just...
    "I call murder on that!"

    Comment


    • #3
      Just unbeleivable, why would you tell a perfect stranger that sort of info, and why would their partner confirm it, is nothing sacred anymore?
      A PSA, if I may, as well as another.

      Comment


      • #4
        *bump*

        I'm still just curious as to what goes through someones mind. Am I going to use that as a sales technique? Yeah, that'll work.

        Random customer: Hi, is there anything you can recommend for stronger workout results?

        Myself: yeah, take tribulus, it's an excellent performance booster/testosterone boost, and on the plus side, it'll make you the BUkkake King!

        Actually......maybe I should try that...

        Comment


        • #5
          DB:Hey, Hey, BUddy, Cumeeh(come here, for those who don't speak brooklyn)
          I don't speak it but I can read it a bit...kinda like me and Spanish...
          I don't go in for ancient wisdom
          I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
          It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

          Comment


          • #6
            Hey, Hey, BUddy, Cumeeh
            That was disturbingly appropriate

            As for the product in question, I'd probably be afraid it would be like Alli for my floppy bits and the treatment effect would be unpredictable and uncontrollable.
            Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

            "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

            Comment


            • #7
              Heh. Alli sucks, btw. Don't use it. I don't selll it cause it sucks and we get no commiss. for it.

              I didnt even notice the relevance there, IPF, nice....perv.

              And no, you wouldn't have to worry. Straight testosterone stuff like that in the dosages it recommends has no major effects on your "floppy bits". If anything, according to that guy, it makes em super soaker cps 3000's. cookies if you get that reference.

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