Alright ladies and gents, it's finally time for a DarthRetard special. It's not Knights of The Retail Counter suck, though it was pretty epic in the way of failure. Failure not unlike that of watching a four year old trying to pour a gallon of milk into a sippy cup while dancing to the Wiggles in a crowded halloween party.
I now work at General Nutrition Centers, or, you know, that place with the fit guys who talk about body building and crap like that.
Yesterday a couple of mildly attractive young ladies come in, and we're shooting the breeze, when this convo goes down:
G1: Do you have any European products?
Myself: As in, products from europe? (I'm a smartass, I know, but it wasn't intended that way, I was just confused.)
G1: Yes, I believe that's what I meant. (Touche mon cher. Touche)
Myself: Ah, no, we generally don't, not sure why though. Are you from Europe? Where from?
G1: Bosnia!
Myself: Oh, that's pretty cool, I haven't met anyone from Bosnia before.
G1: Yeah, I bet not. You probably don't even know where that is.
Myself, being the ever persistent douchebag extroardinaire: Nope, I just remember seeing it in Eastern Europe somewhere when my cousin spent two years serving in the military over there just dicking around preventing genocide and whatnot.
Am I a bastard or what?
"Hey, buddy!"
I maintain that this is the most consistently annoying phrased used in catching my ever growing lack of attention. It's lack of respect, formality, and assumption of friendship as opposed to a business relationship desginates to me that anyone mouthing this statement, is, probably, a complete and utter douchebag.
Coming from the mouth of, this time, a New Yorker (everyone knows they're my favorite flavor of douche! I like to bite the ears off first...), I was easily given grounds for proof of my thesis. It goes a little something like this:
DB:Hey, Hey, BUddy, Cumeeh(come here, for those who don't speak brooklyn)
Myself: What can I do for you today, sir?
DB: Lemme tell you something, ever try some of those tribulus capsules? (They're for testosterone, but as we're all about to discover, they work for a numbe rof different reasons....)
Myself: No sir, but I've heard the testosterone output is excellent from what my customers tell me.
DB: You should try em, young fella! (He's like 25...) They make your cum shots twice as huge!
Myself: Sir, honestly. If I needed that piece of info, I would have asked for it. Do they really? (Now I'm curious.)
DB: Yeah, my wife loved it, right honey?
DB's Wife: Yeah, it was great, I've never seen so much!!!
Just so happens I bought three bottles. Just kidding, one's enough.
Be back later with more kiddies, dinner's ready.
I now work at General Nutrition Centers, or, you know, that place with the fit guys who talk about body building and crap like that.
Yesterday a couple of mildly attractive young ladies come in, and we're shooting the breeze, when this convo goes down:
G1: Do you have any European products?
Myself: As in, products from europe? (I'm a smartass, I know, but it wasn't intended that way, I was just confused.)
G1: Yes, I believe that's what I meant. (Touche mon cher. Touche)
Myself: Ah, no, we generally don't, not sure why though. Are you from Europe? Where from?
G1: Bosnia!
Myself: Oh, that's pretty cool, I haven't met anyone from Bosnia before.
G1: Yeah, I bet not. You probably don't even know where that is.
Myself, being the ever persistent douchebag extroardinaire: Nope, I just remember seeing it in Eastern Europe somewhere when my cousin spent two years serving in the military over there just dicking around preventing genocide and whatnot.
Am I a bastard or what?
"Hey, buddy!"
I maintain that this is the most consistently annoying phrased used in catching my ever growing lack of attention. It's lack of respect, formality, and assumption of friendship as opposed to a business relationship desginates to me that anyone mouthing this statement, is, probably, a complete and utter douchebag.
Coming from the mouth of, this time, a New Yorker (everyone knows they're my favorite flavor of douche! I like to bite the ears off first...), I was easily given grounds for proof of my thesis. It goes a little something like this:
DB:Hey, Hey, BUddy, Cumeeh(come here, for those who don't speak brooklyn)
Myself: What can I do for you today, sir?
DB: Lemme tell you something, ever try some of those tribulus capsules? (They're for testosterone, but as we're all about to discover, they work for a numbe rof different reasons....)
Myself: No sir, but I've heard the testosterone output is excellent from what my customers tell me.
DB: You should try em, young fella! (He's like 25...) They make your cum shots twice as huge!
Myself: Sir, honestly. If I needed that piece of info, I would have asked for it. Do they really? (Now I'm curious.)
DB: Yeah, my wife loved it, right honey?
DB's Wife: Yeah, it was great, I've never seen so much!!!
Just so happens I bought three bottles. Just kidding, one's enough.
Be back later with more kiddies, dinner's ready.
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