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Is it the full moon or what?

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  • Is it the full moon or what?

    WHAT? WHY?


    Me: Thank you for calling Bugaboo cell phones, my name is TPG, can I have the mobile number you're calling about?
    SC: WHY was I sent here? WHAT is the problem?
    Me: I'm not sure yet, Ma'am. Can I have the phone number you're calling about?
    SC: *SIGH* 123-456-7890.
    Me: Thank you. And what is your name?
    SC: Jane Smith! WHAT is the problem here?!
    Me: Give me one moment, Ma'am while I take a look at the account and see.
    SC: Well I don't understand WHAT the problem is! All I did was put minutes on my phone! This is not brain surgery!
    Me: All right, I'm showing you placed an order for $50 using a credit card that ends in 1234. Is that correct?
    SC: WHAT does that have to do with my problem? Give me my damn minutes!
    Me: The order needs to be run through a security verification before I can process it. I just need to verify your identity as the authorized signer for the credit card. This is done to protect your security and...
    SC: It's a $50 order! WHY are you putting me through this?! WHAT is the problem here?!
    Me: There is no problem, Ma'am, we do this for every credit card that goes thorugh our system.
    SC: Well you are not doing it for mine! Process my order NOW!
    Me: I'm sorry I cannot process the order until I can complete the verification, Ma'am.
    SC: WHAT?!!! How dare you talk to me like that! Give me your supervisor!
    Me: Of course, Ma'am.

    She kept it up with the lead. Yelling WHAT and WHY in every sentence. I have no idea WHY.




    Bathroom Shenanigans

    So I'm dealing with this lady and everything's rolling along just fine. I can hear children playing far in the background. Then one of her children comes up to her.

    Kid: Mommy! Mommy! Look! I can flush!
    Mom: Hush, baby, I'm on the phone.
    Kid: But I can flush! look Mommy! *flush* Bye bye poopee!
    Mom: Baby, Hush! No, no, don't do that! *flush*
    Kid: But Mommy! I wanna flush! I wanna flush! I wanna flush!
    Mom: (sardonically) Well I didn't want the lady to know I was in the bathroom, baby, and now you ruined it.
    Kid: *oblivious* I can flush! *flush* I can flush! *flush* Mommy look I can flush the poopee byebye! *flush*
    Mom: *to me* Oh, God, I'm so sorry, Ma'am.
    Me: *laughing* That's all right Ma'am. He sounds like he's having a good time.
    Mom: Oh, yes, the toilet is his favorite toy.



    *channeling Ron Weasley* Are you MENTAL?!


    Me: *opening call schpeel*
    Guy #1: Yes, I need to put minutes on my phone.
    Me: All right, is this your credit card?
    Guy #1: No, it's my buddy's.
    Me: Okay, may I speak with him please?
    Guy #1: Sure!


    Guy#2: Hhrryeah!
    Me: All right, sir is this your credit card?
    Guy #2: Yeahhhh. It's my berfdayyyy. I'm 27. I'm furked upppp.
    Me: All right, sir I just need to verify your identity as the authorized signer of this credit card.
    Guy#2: *buuurrrppppp* Hey you! Nipples! Get me another beerrr!
    Guy #1 in background: Nipples! AHAHAHAHAHA!
    Female (bartender?): *yelling very loud* You wanna get thrown out right now?!
    Guy #2: Look at those nipples, man! You're gonna poke someone's eye out!
    Guy #1: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    I heard lots of commotion, some protestation, and then the line went dead. I don't think his birthday's turning out very well.







    Has Channeling Paris Hilton become the new pastime?

    me: *opening call schpeel*
    Paris Hilton Wannabe: (Imagine the most obnoxious valley girl accent you've ever heard) Uh, yeah. I need my minutes, like, now.
    Me: What is your mobile number Ma'am?
    PHW: *sigh* 123-456-7890. Like, how long is this gonna take? I have 3 guys like, waiting for me!
    Me: Well I need to complete a security verification Ma'am...
    PHW: HELLO! You're not listening to me! I SAID I need my minutes, like, now! I am WAY too busy to deal with this!
    Me: Ma'am, I cannot process your order until I am able to complete the security procedure. If...
    PHW: Look, lady! I DON'T have time for this. Either give me my minutes now or I will call in a complaint about you for wasting my time. It is not your place to waste my time, you're just a stupid customer service idiot!
    Me: *THE GLOVES HAVE COME OFF* This is NOT customer service, Ma'am, this is the security department. I don't have to do anything. And if you speak to me like that again, I will cancel your order, blacklist your credit card, and you can just trot your rear end to a store to refill your cell phone. WHEN they open up, which won't be for at least 4 hours. Is that clear enough for you?
    PHW: ...
    Me: Now do you want to complete this procedure or do you want to go on your merry little way without your phone?


    Funny, she was very cooperative thorughout the rest of the call. I just hope it's not graded by the QA, or I might be looking at a writeup.
    Because as we all know, on the Internet all men are men, all women are men and all children are FBI agents.

  • #2
    Quoth ThePhoneGoddess View Post
    Me: *THE GLOVES HAVE COME OFF* This is NOT customer service, Ma'am, this is the security department. I don't have to do anything. And if you speak to me like that again, I will cancel your order, blacklist your credit card, and you can just trot your rear end to a store to refill your cell phone. WHEN they open up, which won't be for at least 4 hours. Is that clear enough for you?
    Now, ya see, if I were running the company, you'd be getting a nice cash bonus bonus for "Exceptional Customer Training(Attitude Deflation)". Best I can do is cookies.
    ...WHY DO YOU TEMPT WHAT LITTLE FAITH IN HUMANITY I HAVE!?! -- Kalga
    And I want a pony for Christmas but neither of us is getting what we want OK! What you are asking is impossible. -- Wicked Lexi

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    • #3
      Quoth JustADude View Post
      Now, ya see, if I were running the company, you'd be getting a nice cash bonus bonus for "Exceptional Customer Training(Attitude Deflation)". Best I can do is cookies.
      Or perhaps ice cream, chocolate and the alcoholic beverage of your choice.
      A PSA, if I may, as well as another.

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth ThePhoneGoddess View Post
        Me: *THE GLOVES HAVE COME OFF* This is NOT customer service, Ma'am, this is the security department. I don't have to do anything. And if you speak to me like that again, I will cancel your order, blacklist your credit card, and you can just trot your rear end to a store to refill your cell phone. WHEN they open up, which won't be for at least 4 hours. Is that clear enough for you?
        PHW: ...
        Oh, yeah. That was just so full of win, right there.

        ^-.-^
        Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

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        • #5
          So the Paris Hilton call was found by the QA.


          I got a "talking to".

          She did say however, it was very satisfying to hear. But that maybe I should tone it down a little.

          Nah...
          Because as we all know, on the Internet all men are men, all women are men and all children are FBI agents.

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