Ask the Kiwi Guy Part Deux

[Kagato]

Figured I'd give this one more try, I found it rather fun last time around and it helps add a little humor to the everyday stress of work and study.

For those who did not take part in the last thread, this is going to be a bit of a ripoff of the videoclips some of you may have seen called "Ask that guy with the glasses"

The whole point of this thread is to ASK QUESTIONS, no matter how stupid/silly - but be aware that the answer may not be what you anticipated! I'll answer questions in batches of about 5 or 6 at a time, so the faster you get the questions in = the sooner I post an answer post! (Try to keep to a maximum of THREE questions per post to give others a fair chance)

"Remember, there is no such thing as a stupid question... until YOU ask it!" >_>

EDIT: Oh, and to get things started, I'll be polishing off the unanswered questions in the original thread.

[Kagato]

If a man speaks in the forest and there isn't a woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Only if it is Justin Bieber. He has already lost a fight with a Pane of glass twice now and would probably somehow find a way to do it a third time even in the middle of a forest. Oh wait, I got that wrong - JB isn't a boy, JB is a TOMboy. Subtle but noticible difference. My apologies. The answer is 27.

Ron Perlman is in like, everything, all the time. Is he just a workaholic or does he need the money for some reason?

Actually it is neither. He is really a secret military prototype for a new breed of ultra-lethal military androids which the army wishes to assimilate into society for the easier weeding out of terrorists and criminals. Of course now that you know that fact, I will have to kill you. Please send me your address promptly.

How many sheep are needed to win parliament???

None. The Evil Kiwi Overlords hate competition. I'm still having a hard time weeding out the little buggers so I can regain my market share in World Domination.

Why has my Dad's mate turned my FB status into an argument about the tooth fairy and other childhood icons with a dash of religion and homophobia thrown in for good measure?

Because you scared the little girl.

(Disclaimer: As can be expected, all responses are purely for satirical purposes, anyone who takes these 'answers' seriously should consider checking themselves into a mental institution. Then again maybe I should as well for coming up with such strange answers. =p)

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

1. If you had a hammer, what color should I paint my bathroom?

2. The moon has 57,344,205,872,316 lunar lakes. Name one.

3. If my nose runs and my feet smell, does that mean I was born upside down?

[AnaKhouri]

My son has unusually large feet for his age. Does this mean he is part Saquatch?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

My son has unusually large feet for his age. Does this mean he is part Saquatch?

If yes, then what happens when you mess with him?

[AnaKhouri]

At the moment he is still smaller than me, so I'm safe if I mess with him (i think I've seen a commercial you're referencing?). But he's 40-odd inches tall and not quite three years old yet, so not for long.

[BlaqueKatt]

do kiwis really like bottle caps?(as seen in this cartoon)

[Kagato]

If you had a hammer, what color should I paint my bathroom?

It depends on so many factors. What way your house is facing, what time of year it is, how much light it gets during the day, there are just so many variables. Since I don't know any of this, I'm just going to have to say Tartan. That should teach you to be more thorough with your questions in the future. Plus it hides the dirt so much better.

The moon has 57,344,205,872,316 lunar lakes. Name one.

Vanessa.

If my nose runs and my feet smell, does that mean I was born upside down?

No, it just means your feet have a nose fetish. I recommend keeping socks on them as much as possible to keep them away from it.

My son has unusually large feet for his age. Does this mean he is part Saquatch?

It could do, but I think in this case it may just mean he is somehow related to Robin Williams... Wait a second... did you say largest feet or hairiest feet?

If yes, then what happens when you mess with him?

Oh believe me, you don't want to mess with him. You wouldn't like him when he's angry... >_>

do kiwis really like bottle caps?

To be honest I don't think it is more a fact of whether they like them or not, I think it is more they are trying to hoard them in preparation of using them as our new currency, just like in that episode of Duck Tales where they introduce bottlecaps as currency. Then they get jailed for littering.

[Mishi]

Because you scared the little girl.

*Nods solumnly* This is true, I have been known to scare Jazzy on a regular basis, normally when she's trying to sneak up to scare me.

New two-part question: Why is my computer so temperamental and would it feel better if I took the beer ghost, ponies and Alphonse the Alpaca (Explorer Extraordinaire) away?

[BlaqueKatt]

To be honest I don't think it is more a fact of whether they like them or not, I think it is more they are trying to hoard them in preparation of using them as our new currency

So naming my next band "bottlecap hoarding Kiwis" would be awesome?

So is the recent outpouring of attractive actors/actresses from Aus/NZ an attempt to boost tourism so the drop bears don't starve/start going after residents, or an apology for foisting Mel Gibson and Paul Hogan on us?

[fireheart]

So is the recent outpouring of attractive actors/actresses from Aus/NZ an attempt to boost tourism so the drop bears don't starve/start going after residents, or an apology for foisting Mel Gibson and Paul Hogan on us?

Both

And as for my stupid question: Do New Zealanders quill with paper or with kiwis?

[Kagato]

Sorry about the delay in responses guys, I've been busy with exams and stuff, I'll put up responses to the latest batch of questions when I wake up.

[wolfie]

1. If you had a hammer, what color should I paint my bathroom?

Insufficient information. Is it a claw, ballpeen, sledge, cross peen, dead blow, hide face, nonsparking, or club hammer? What weight is it, and is the handle wood, metal, or fibreglass?