Control Freaks

[Food Lady]

So this past month has been a trial with my car constantly needing repairs--so far $2,000 worth--and my friends giving me flack for feeling frustrated about it, calling me negative and getting mad if I don't take their advice, which I'm not obligated to do. On top of that I'm a girl and we get cranky. Add to that the stress of the office job and often having to work 7 days a week. So yeah, I don't want to go to the retail job but I need the money.

So I walk into the usual chaos today and that puts me off immediately, as it always does. My first transaction is an older, probably retired couple with approximately 8,964 cheap chotchkes from the dollar section that never scan. I'm just irritated because the more large transactions I have per day the more I hurt that night. But I have to ring them up so I do. OK, I'm not overly chatty as usual, but I am polite and efficient. I have to hand-type numbers in which is annoying but I don't chuck the items in the bag or anything like that. I abide by their bagging requests but inside I'm annoyed.

I had a plan before they ever got the stuff on the counter: a large bag for lightweight items including a stack of "straw" hats (really just plastic and $3 apiece). No harm was going to come to them, but they want them separately bagged. I abide.
To save plastic I put food items in with some non-food because no harm will be done. I would never put it in with chemicals or anything that would leak; I'm not stupid. Of course she says "Let's take the food out from the other stuff" and she re-bags it. Whatever. I say nothing because let them have what they want. No skin off my nose.

And that's when she tells me I look frustrated. I guess you could see it on my face but I can't help that. The face has a ton of muscles and micro-expressions are a thing. What am I supposed to say to that? That she's the one annoying me? That I hate my job? That I'm there for the money? That I've been doing this for 20 years and I know how to bag? I can't say anything of the sort. So I say something about wishing the items would scan better and add in a singsong voice that "I can punch them in, though!" I hate myself for that.

Things I wish I could've said without getting in trouble:
--"Yes, we humans do have feelings from time to time."
--"Yes, most people in retail have a frustrating time."
--"Frustrated is my base nature."

What's really infuriating is that it makes me feel guilty for feeling. I feel like I'm a bad employee because I'm not happy enough. That's bull, but I end up feeling that way and I shouldn't have to. And when I run into a cashier or other service employee who isn't the most gregarious, I chalk it up to them having not the best day and get on with my life. I certainly don't make it worse by delving into their psyche in the middle of their workday. The world does not need more mood monitors. I have to put up with that not only at work but personally. I want to be a hermit.

[Pixelated]

They do sound kinda passive-aggressive to me ... "Let's make PITAs of ourselves and then complain that the cashier doesn't look happy!" Because of course you can't say "I'll look a lot happier once you've gone!"

Do your best to get rid of the guilt. I'd probably work it out by thinking of all the things I'd like to say to asshats like this but can't -- many of which would make it clear that my frustration is the direct result of idiot customers who continually want to tell me how to do my job.

[Sulhythal]

What's really infuriating is that it makes me feel guilty for feeling.

I've told someone else this before, but:

Guilt is a terrible weapon in the hands of the unscrupulous, Not only do they get you back to doing what they want they want, they get to make you feel miserable while you're doing it.

It's a weapon that cuts much too sharply for how well it works, and it leaves infected wounds behind it.

And it's SO easy to use that people do it by accident(Though, many many more use it intentionally)

[Shyla]

I think you need some sort of general denial. "I don't know what you mean. I am only thinking about doing my job accurately." Don't give them the power.

[Food Lady]

Because "I don't know what you mean" is a false statement. I resent they these people are putting me in a position to make a false statement. Telling the truth gets me in trouble but I consider that a testament to my character.

[Grumpy]

I have the male version of "resting bitch face". If I'm not smiling, I'm always being told some version of "You look angry." I always reply with a very surprised-sounding "Do I?". It almost always leaves them lost for words, instead of me.

[notalwaysright]

As I always think with your posts... People are so weird where you are! I mean, sure I got my share of SC, but comments about my emotions were not the main focus of their rants. People at my old work complained mostly about the wait, about the sales and coupons, about how we cut the fabric, how the employees didn't actually sew/craft. Sure, sometimes I'd get that person who said I looked nervous (???) or the person who would take the fabric after I cut it and fold it themselves because it had to be a specific size.
(this didn't bother me, do what you want with it)
But I swear that the bulk of your SCs are people wanting you to look happier. Is it a midwest thing? (I think that's where you're at) Because here we have "the bubble" meaning that we actively avoid making eye contact with people in public. I love the bubble. I think that mentality also means that we're less inclined to be weird about other people's expressions? Not that people here aren't insane about other things.

[Food Lady]

not always right, yes, it is definitely a Midwest thing, probably more a WI thing. I guess I shouldn't stereotype, but they come from somewhere.. Bunch of nosey, critical controlling biddies the older generation here are*.

*The men can be biddies, too.

[Pixelated]

I have the male version of "resting bitch face". If I'm not smiling, I'm always being told some version of "You look angry." I always reply with a very surprised-sounding "Do I?". It almost always leaves them lost for words, instead of me.

I and one coworker had the same constant badgering from a boss at the daily paper I last worked for. He was one of these nutjobs who was always grinning, regardless of the time of day, weather, or anything else. Our resting expressions were (IMO) calm but certainly not hostile -- despite his constant insistence to the contrary.

[Slave to the Phone]

I don't get told that I look impatient or irritated, I am told that I look stressed.

Well, yes, your interview did stress me out. I only have 55 minutes to complete your case and you had 7 termed jobs in the last 9 months that I need to call and verify, plus you didn't bother to bring your current paystubs with you because you didn't think that an income based benefit program would want to verify your income.

Or because you are applying for food stamps for yourself, your kids and grands, but can't remember their names.

Or because you might have had a drug related felony, but you aren't sure where or when it happened. Probably in AZ, but maybe CA or CO or NM.

Or maybe because your baby daddy is paying court ordered child support but you can't remember his name.

My cats are all bald because I come home and pet the fur right off them so they can help me distress.