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Who peed in your lasagna, lady?

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  • Who peed in your lasagna, lady?

    Someone came in looking for lasagna noodles. OK, we have plenty, but very few are called by the term 'lasagna'. She wants flat sheets, she doesn't use the 'curly' ones. We sometimes have fresh lasagna sheets at the fresh pasta counter, SC wants to know if they are the 'instant' ones...no, you have to cook them in water before using. She doesn't want the fresh ones then, she wants them in a box. No bag, a box. We have Barilla ones in a box. Are they the 'instant' noodles? ...ohhh, you mean 'oven ready'. "I don't know what that is, I don't want the instant noodles."

    OK, so you don't want the fresh sheets which you have to precook, but you want the dried ones which you have to precook but you don't want the wavy ones because they 'don't look like lasagna"'

    Another part of her question is do we carry any organic pasta. All of our products meet organic standards. SC sniffs "It's not organic if it doesn't have the stamp." Further attempts to explain are met with the same...fine, you go with your alternative facts.

    My grasp of Italian is shaky at best (I can't speak it at all, can read just enough to glean very basic ingredients/preparation instructions), so I tell SC that I will check with someone who knows for sure. Hightail it into the office to duck away from the crazy for five seconds and ask J.

    L informs me that the lasagna sheets are in fact 'oven ready' (and helpfully shows me the phrase that essentially means such). So I go back and do not see SC right away until after another customer requests help and I help them--in the same area, so I'm not far from SC should she decide to turn up.

    SC pounces from the next aisle and almost (but to her credit, she does not) grabs me. "Did you find someone who can explain it to you?"
    Me: "These lasagna sheets are oven ready--"
    SC cuts me off with "Oh no, I don't want your instant ones, they never taste right." and doesn't even give me a chance to offer alternatives before she stalks off.

    "My" instant ones? Sheeeesh.
    "I am quite confident that I do exist."
    "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

  • #2
    It sounds like you have to also instantly know the recipe they are using and what it calls for. How can you recommend if she won't tell you what she needs?

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    • #3
      I am STILL confused as to what exactly she wanted when she asked for 'instant'...

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      • #4
        I think when she said "instant", she meant the "no-boil" noodles, which are a thing, and do come in flat sheets. I could see "oven-ready" also used to describe them.

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        • #5
          Fun fact: A package of 12 (major brand lasagna noodles are always packaged that way, since the recipe calls for 4 layers of 3 noodles in a 9x12 pan) lasagna noodles is 500 grams for regular and 375 grams for "oven ready". My theory is that the oven ready ones need to be thinner in order to let liquids leach in the full thickness while baking.

          Unrelated fun fact: Extra-creamy macaroni and cheese costs more than the regular. What makes it extra-creamy? You add more milk and butter.
          Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

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          • #6
            This is the ONLY way to make mac n' cheese ^_^ (the speaker is one of the owners)
            "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
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            Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
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            • #7
              Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.
              AkaiKitsune
              Sarcasm dear, sarcasm. I’m well aware that dealing with civilians in any capacity will skin your faith in humanity alive, then pickle anything that remains so as to watch it shrivel up into an immortal husk thus reminding you of how dead inside you now are.

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              • #8
                Quoth wolfie View Post
                What makes it extra-creamy? You add more milk and butter.

                Meh, too much effort.

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                • #9
                  Yup, SC's word for oven-ready is 'instant' (close as I could figure out). Conjures images of Maruchan brand lasagna in a cup O_o
                  "I am quite confident that I do exist."
                  "Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up." The Doctor

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                  • #10
                    As usual, this thread is making me hungry. I'm not sure what I want, though. Mac and cheese or Lasagna.

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                    • #11
                      Quoth Slave to the Phone View Post
                      As usual, this thread is making me hungry. I'm not sure what I want, though. Mac and cheese or Lasagna.
                      Why not both?

                      If I could be bothered baking/cooking this, I would. It looks interesting enough to try at least once.
                      "On a scale of 1 to banana, whats your favourite colour of the alphabet?"
                      Regards, Lord Baron Darth von Vaderham, esq. Middle brother to mharbourgirl & Squeaksmyalias

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                      • #12
                        Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

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                        • #13
                          Quoth nutraxfornerves View Post
                          I both love you and hate you right now.

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                          • #14
                            I should note at this point that I only by ready-to-eat lasagna. Unfortunately, Mrs. IA doesn't like to go to the restaurants that have it available.

                            That chocolate lasagna looks really good.
                            "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

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